30 and Single

Single at 30 | gimmesomelife.com

(Taptaptap.  Ahem, is this thing on?)

Hi.  My name is Ali, and I am 30 years old and single.

And call me crazy, but I’ve decided to blog about it.

Single at 30 | gimmesomelife.com


Now when I say single, let’s be clear — I mean single.  The don’t-have-a-fiancee, don’t-have-a-boyfriend, actually-don’t-even-have-a-cute-crush-right-now-except-for-my-adorable-pup (although I promise I’m not that crazy dog lady), rsvp-for-just-one, set-the-thermostat-however-I-want, no-i’m-not-expecting-anyone, please-don’t-make-me-try-to-catch-the-freaking-bouquet, put-my-hands-UP-for-Beyonce kind of single.

This fact still feels a little surreal since I never would have guessed a decade go — heck, even a few years ago — that I would find myself single at 30.  I have always hoped and wanted to eventually be married.  And frankly I have lived most of my adult life assuming that marriage was inevitably just around the corner.  After all, that’s how it seemed to happen for everyone else, right?

But I blew out 30 candles this past May.  And while I did so genuinely loving my life more than ever, I definitely entered my thirties sans husband and very single.

Adventures In Dating

Don’t get me wrong, though.  I’ve had plenty of times in my life when it wasn’t just MeMyselfAndI (and my dog).

In fact, I think it’s safe to say that over the years I have gone on a somewhat ridiculous number of set ups and and blind dates.  (Ok, that last one’s a total lie – I am an expert Google pre-stalker for “blind” dates.)

I’ve learned the difference between EHarm and Match, filled out awkwardly bright and shiny profiles, and rolled my eyes while “shopping” photo after photo of shirtless, car-boasting, ex-girlfriend-partially-cropped-out, “tired-of-the-bar-scene”, “I-love-a-night-out-but-I-also-love-a-night-in” men.

I’ve dated guys halfway around the country.  I’ve dated a neighbor on my old street.  I’ve dated guys that I wanted to keep seeing again and again, and guys that I was more than happy to never see again.  I’ve dated guys that gave me butterflies in my stomach and made me a better person, and guys that infuriated me and made me feel terrible about myself.  I’ve dated guys that got my hopes up.  And I’ve dated guys that made me want to stop hoping altogether.

But through it all (and maybe because of it all), I honestly came to conclude mid-twenties that I’m simply not much of a “dater”.

(Feel free to now officially label me as “picky”.  It’s ok.)

Since then, for better and worse, I’ve been more selective about dating, which has led to hardly any dating in general.  So I think it’s safe to say that I’ve spent the majority of my twenties with the strange label of being a single.  (Or as the illustrious Bridget Jones would say, a singleton.)

8 Dresses

Meanwhile, I live smack in the heart of the Midwest.  And attended a small Christian college.  So it’s safe to say that wedding bells have been playing this past decade for (seemingly) just about everyone else around me.

A few fun facts:

  • I have sung or played music in literally over 100 weddings (the virtues of being a musician and years spent working in a church)
  • I have bridesmaided in 8 weddings (and absolutely never wore those dresses “again”)
  • I maid of honor-ed for my younger sister when she married her catch-of-a-husband four years ago (who happens to be the talented web designer of this site!)
  • I just officially became the last single girl in my very large extended family when my cousin got married this summer (to a guy who won her heart by writing long-distance handwritten letters, true story)

Navigating all of those weddings while single is another post for another time.  But I will say it has been nothing less than awesome to watch my friends grow to love and marry some wonderful people — especially those of my friends who find their spouses after years and years of waiting.  (Those weddings are now some of my absolute favorite moments of the year – priceless.)

Some of those marriages have gone on to celebrate anniversaries and pregnancies and babies and more.  And some dear friends have found themselves navigating the painful road of divorce.  But my twenties were definitely a decade of lots of new relationships and marriages celebrated, and it has been a wild and mostly wonderful adventure.

Wishin’, and Hopin’, and Thinkin’, and Prayin’…

That said, when you’re not in a relationship most of the time, you have a lot of time to watch others’ relationships.  And think about relationships.  If I’m honest, being single is something I think about — in some way — every day of my life.  It’s kind of hard not to.

Granted, the nature of those thoughts have evolved and changed and I would say improved in the last decade of singleness.  As have the lists, books, prayers, conversations, and conversations, and conversations again that I’ve had about relationships.  Because I will tell you that being single at 18 is very different from being single at 22.  And at 25.  And at 28.  And at 30.  And I have no doubt it will continue to be beyond.

…But Life Is Good.  Like, I-Really-Mean-It-GOOD.

But like most important things in life, I have found a growing paradox to be true about singleness:

I still really hope to be married more than ever — albeit for different reasons than at age 22.  But I genuinely love my life more than ever as it is — including the fact that I’m single, and in many ways, because of the fact that I’m single.

Yes, there have been lots of hard days.  Some of them are painfully, despairingly, bitterly, question-the-core-of-who-you-are hard.  The kind of days that threaten to turn you into that single person you do not want to be.

But I feel incredibly lucky to say that most of the days I have spent single have been exciting, empowering, and wonderfully full.

They have been full of rich experiences and adventures.  They have been full of risks taken and lessons learned.  They have been full of some really amazing jobs and launching a new business from scratch.  They have been full of laughter and smiles and some of the best memories ever.  And they have been full of really, really good friends and people along the way.  And for that, I give some serious thanks.

Because I’m pretty sure the worst thing I could imagine would be meeting the guy of my dreams, and then telling him that I basically spent the last decade moping and waiting around for him.  (Ugh.  Please, please don’t let me ever be that girl.)


Call me crazy, but I’ve decided to bite the bullet and blog about being single.  I have mixed thoughts about putting this side of my life “out there” on the big, wide, and very-public blogosphere for anyone from complete strangers to my family to former boyfriends to read.  But I made a list of reasons why it seems like a good idea today.  (So, um, please remind me of these tomorrow if I get cold feet and feel like hitting delete!)

7) I rarely see any other bloggers talking about being single.

Ok, maybe this is because I primarily spend my days reading food blogs.  But in my experience meeting (and reading) nearly 200 food bloggers over the past year, about a whopping 3% of them are single.  No exaggeration.  When I go to conferences with hundreds of people, I’m one of the few single ones.  I’ve been on 6 blogging press trips when I am the only single one.

Now amongst my friends and community here in KC, there are lots of super-cool single people I know.  But in a blogosphere full with mom bloggers and wedding bloggers (who I love), I do notice a shortage of bloggers to relate to on this topic.

6) But it needs to be talked about!

I don’t know what I would do without my good friends around me who keep me sane, and have those conversations about being single again and again.  But I’ve also met lots of people over the years whose friends have literally all gotten married, and they’re not really able to process the topic as freely — or at least relate to someone about what it’s like to currently be single anymore.

So if this series can in any way provide a glimpse of encouragement to anyone out there, awesome.  Really awesome.

I was also talking about the series with my Dad, and he reminded me that as a longtime married guy (and as my dad), he would love to get some fresh insights into the the lives of his single friends.  And I know that many other of you cool married folk might be in the same boat.  So if this series can in any way provide that glimpse to all of you dating/engaged/married folks, doubly awesome!

5) Personally, I want to push myself out of my comfort zone.

I can talk about food online all day long.  And I can talk about singleness and dating with my friends for hours.

But talking about singleness online? That’s a new one.

I’ve kept quite a bit of my personal life fairly private on my blog, and really only talk about relationships with trusted friends and family.  But I haven’t been able to get the idea of writing a series about singleness off my mind lately.  And sometimes in life, that seems to be a clue that it should at least be tried.  So ready-set-go!!  I’m hitting publish before I completely talk myself out of this series.  :)

4) I would TOTALLY love to hear from you and have this be a conversation.

Whether you’re married, engaged, dating, divorced, widowed, and/or single.  Young or old.  Girl or guy.  Whomever.

We all have stories to share and lots of experiences on the topic of being single, or knowing people who are single.  And I would love more than anything to hear what everyone has to say so that we can (really!) learn from each other.

3) It’s time someone talked about being single in a way that IS NOT…

…whiny, bitter, depressing, man-hating, defensive, hopeless, rose-colored, or full of terrible Christian cliches or assumptions.  (This, coming from a Christian.)

2) It’s time someone talked about being single in a way that IS…

…empowering, vulnerable, hopeful, respectful, honest, refreshing, straightforward, content, faithful, and REAL.

1) I’m writing this as a single.

Most single people probably won’t tell you this, but sometimes it can be hard when someone who recently just got married, or someone who was single at “some” point in their past, tries to give lots of advice how to live the single life.  I totally respect and validate your experience being single in the past, and know that some of the best advice I’ve received about being single has been from my married friends.  But sometimes it’s just nice to discuss the topic with people who are currently single.

So if nothing else, you can count me as someone talking about this from the “currently single” boat.  I’ll let you know if that changes.  But for now, all of this single talk is coming to you live!  ;)

So Stay Tuned.

So there you have it.  I promise more posts won’t be so all-about-me, but I did want to give a little background on where I’m coming from.

More posts coming soon!  (Including some lists.  I love lists!!!)

I have a handful of ideas on some posts on random topics related to singleness and dating to come.  And I have a handful of friends who are different kinds of single and live it out in different ways that I look forward to having share.  But if you have any requests, please let me know!!  Funny, serious, stories, lists, advice, you name it.   Just leave a comment or you can email me as well.

Ok, massively long post!!!  I promise the next ones will be shorter.

Thanks for reading along!  :)

Single at 30 | gimmesomelife.com

If you want to be sure to catch future posts in this series, you can sign up for an email subscription to this page here.

Also, check out the other posts in this series including:

Leave a Comment:


1 4 5 6
  1. Vanessa — April 5, 2015 @ 9:43 pm (#)

    I enjoyed reading your blog. I recently turned 26 and I have never not been single. Yes, I am one of those! I do get the occasional advances from men but not from those I am interested in. Well, I do get attention from a few I am interested in but I loose interest after finding out they are not single.
    I don’t consider myself picky. I am not looking for someone perfect considering I am not perfect but I know what I want and I am not in a rush, hence, not willing to settle. What makes it hard is that other (married) people refuse to accept that it is okay for me to be single.I am learning not let their comments/stares/concerns affect my life. I make the most of being Single. I am rising in my career; I travel and move a lot; I have taken classes in Portuguese, Karate, and Acrylic Painting; and I save for my future family while planning my next adventure. 
    Having a guy in my life feels like having a glass of wine with my plate of spaghetti. The meal is good but might taste a little better with red wine. 
    To anyone single reading this: You might think you are the only one in your situation but you know deep down you are not. If you think you need to have someone around to be happy, think again. No one can make you happy except yourself. Also, the happier you are, the more likely you are to find someone who appreciates your glow (or so I heard) and while waiting for that person to arrive, you will be okay since you would already be happy. If you are thinking “Why should I listen to you? You are single,” my reply is “Would you listen to me if I wasn’t single?”
    Cheers to us!! 

  2. Thirtyyearoldgirl — April 30, 2015 @ 6:00 am (#)

    I hear you.

    A fantastic, honest blog with feelings that totally resonate with me. :-)

    I’ve just starting blogging on a similar topic (mainly about travel and my seeming inability to grow up and be responsible) I’m also a thirty year old single (presumably for the reasons mentioned above!) and ebb and flow between how cool I am about it (In general I am not very cool; more Bridget-like). Maybe you could check it out and see what you think: I’d love to have a likeminded blogger on board.

    You’ll find me at: https://30yearoldgirl.wordpress.com/ – just unwrapping everything from its bubblewrap and putting it on shelves.

  3. Clayton Rogers — May 11, 2015 @ 8:07 am (#)

    I’ll marry you. You’re cute and you’re obviously very smart.

  4. Karyn — May 14, 2015 @ 6:56 pm (#)

    This was an amazing read and so relate able. I was in tears reading it. This Sunday I will be 31. I never had a boyfriend my entire life. It’s something that has terribly plagued me and more often than not broke my spirit. I can’t quite put my finger in the exact reason why. I have encountered many situations and failed attempts, which left me even more frustrated. I think what has frustrated me most is when people have said well God is waiting to send you the right person, but I look around and see people who are a mess married all the time lol. It’s a complicated thing, some are lucky in love and others are not. I just hate the feeling of getting use to being alone, use to not being noticed or desired. Singleness is hard, it’s ine of those things that is fun for a while but not meant to be fun for long periods of time. 

  5. Katie — July 13, 2015 @ 2:56 pm (#)

    Great post. The world needs this! Thank you for reaching out.

  6. Tricia — July 14, 2015 @ 8:13 pm (#)

    I read your blog.  I have many similar experiences about being single…just add 8 years to my age.  I am an independent, well educated successful woman who is 38.  I NEVER thought about my life as a “single” while I was in my 20’s or even early 30’s.  Not until ALL your friends are married with kids…some on their second marriage, do you start to question which path you took was the wrong one that lead you to the narrow path you are on.  You write about how you just want to tell everyone about living life…and oh, by the way you are single…my strong encouraging message is to get yourself out of single by putting yourself in as many situations with opportunities to meet someone as possible.  If not, you will end up 38 and single and helping your friends plan their kids birthday parties.  I’m honestly not a bitter person and also love life…but this is a fact.  Don’t do what is expected of you by everyone else, including your parents.  Do what makes you happy and don’t wait till it is too late or almost too late.  

  7. paigeausten — July 14, 2015 @ 9:13 pm (#)

    Hey lady! A lot of what I just read on your intro here sounds really familiar! As a fellow single+30, I decided to start blogging about singles stuff at the beginning of last year. This is my first time on your site, and I can’t tell you how uplifting and blessed I am feeling to learn that there are other women like me out there (been in everyone else’s wedding, sang in many of them, attended a Christian college). I’ve included the link to my blog above, and you are welcome to read it if you’d like some commiseration and encouragement. (There are doses of both of these in most of my posts). Keep up the good writing. :)

  8. Stiiiiil Single At 28 — July 21, 2015 @ 2:04 pm (#)

    Thank you  for your blog.  Seems to me currently that everyone around me is either dating, getting engaged, getting married, or having a baby. All except me. So it seems. To me I think it’s natural to want to find somebody in life. And that is what I want. But as for me currently it doesn’t seem to be happening. I think it’s important we keep ourselves busy. What are some ideas any of you singles have???

  9. Lindsay — August 3, 2015 @ 11:40 pm (#)

    Hey I am 31 and newly single and would love to email you. I hear everything you are saying, if you want a single friends ear or email I am here 

  10. Charlie P. — August 5, 2015 @ 10:07 pm (#)

    Wow, I couldn’t tell you about how on the same page you and I are. Keep being awesome! …I just turned 30 as well, and totally on the same page in the first part of the blog. Thanks! I feel even better about it. Only thing I would love to type more, but for some reason my keyboard lagging behind! Have a great year!!!

  11. Arnold — August 11, 2015 @ 3:45 am (#)

    I love this my dear. I chose the same life a year ago and am a happy single at 23

  12. Beth — October 4, 2015 @ 9:37 pm (#)

    I’m single too.  And 31, great blog!!

  13. Julie — October 22, 2015 @ 10:04 am (#)

    This was so encouraging to read! I’m a 22 yr old who has forever been single (i.e. whole life). I’m a senior in nursing school in a small southern town where my classmates are married, engaged, or already having children. The comments of “how are you still single” or “you’re just too good a catch for someone” have quickly become old! It’s nice to read a humorous perspective from someone who was truly single (congrats on the new guy!). I’m just ready to graduate and start my “adult” life somewhere not in the deep south. There is so much more to being in a relationship, and I’m quickly growing tired of being surrounded by the engaged or married when they haven’t even experienced life outside of college.  

  14. Paris — November 14, 2015 @ 8:50 am (#)

    I’m merely 24, but being a Christian southern all I hear is “You’re 24 and not married,” as if I’ve personally offended God. I’m looking forward to reading through your blog and taking something new from it. It’s nice to see a positive outlook on the single life as I have found it liberating and hope to hold onto this freedom for a while.

  15. Anna — November 14, 2015 @ 5:04 pm (#)

    Whoa, thanks for writing about this topic! I’ve had  couple of relationships in my 32 years, but I always return to being just me. I do feel the pressure from the outside world, where everybody’s marrying and having kids, but it’s so far away from where I’m standing. It feels like everyone drove off and I can’t get the car started! That’s the negative string of thoughts – wondering if something’s wrong with me – but the good thing is that I love being by myself. I like myself so much better when I don’t have someone to worry about, to feel misunderstood by. And I spend so much more time seeing friends, writing, listening to music, etc. I do date, quite regularly, but it throws me off course every time. I either end up breaking it up, which leaves me feeling harsh and guilty, or I get dumped, which is obviously worse.

    Long story short: I wish I didn’t feel like I should have a relationship. It would be perfect. 


  1. Pingback: 30 and Single

  2. Pingback: Is It November Already? New Job Again? | Musings

  3. Pingback: Lighter No Bake Cheesecake | Gimme Some Oven

  4. Pingback: Single Serving S'mores Peanut Butter Cup Brownie | Chocolate Moosey

  5. Pingback: Cheesecake: A Perfect Treat For Sharing... Happy Valentine's Day! - Let's Go All Natural | Let's Go All Natural

  6. Pingback: The Friday Five | Gimme Some Oven

  7. Pingback: 30+ and Single | stories of a pinay gypsie