30 and Single

September 11, 2013 by Ali

Single at 30 | gimmesomelife.com

(Taptaptap. Ahem, is this thing on?)

Hi. My name is Ali, and I am 30 years old and single.

And call me crazy, but I’ve decided to blog about it.

Single at 30 | gimmesomelife.com


Now when I say single, let’s be clear — I mean single. The don’t-have-a-fiancee, don’t-have-a-boyfriend, actually-don’t-even-have-a-cute-crush-right-now-except-for-my-adorable-pup (although I promise I’m not that crazy dog lady), rsvp-for-just-one, set-the-thermostat-however-I-want, no-i’m-not-expecting-anyone, please-don’t-make-me-try-to-catch-the-freaking-bouquet, put-my-hands-UP-for-Beyonce kind of single.

This fact still feels a little surreal since I never would have guessed a decade go — heck, even a few years ago — that I would find myself single at 30. I have always hoped and wanted to eventually be married. And frankly I have lived most of my adult life assuming that marriage was inevitably just around the corner. After all, that’s how it seemed to happen for everyone else, right?

But I blew out 30 candles this past May. And while I did so genuinely loving my life more than ever, I definitely entered my thirties sans husband and very single.

Adventures In Dating

Don’t get me wrong, though. I’ve had plenty of times in my life when it wasn’t just MeMyselfAndI (and my dog).

In fact, I think it’s safe to say that over the years I have gone on a somewhat ridiculous number of set ups and and blind dates. (Ok, that last one’s a total lie – I am an expert Google pre-stalker for “blind” dates.)

I’ve learned the difference between EHarm and Match, filled out awkwardly bright and shiny profiles, and rolled my eyes while “shopping” photo after photo of shirtless, car-boasting, ex-girlfriend-partially-cropped-out, “tired-of-the-bar-scene”, “I-love-a-night-out-but-I-also-love-a-night-in” men.

I’ve dated guys halfway around the country. I’ve dated a neighbor on my old street. I’ve dated guys that I wanted to keep seeing again and again, and guys that I was more than happy to never see again. I’ve dated guys that gave me butterflies in my stomach and made me a better person, and guys that infuriated me and made me feel terrible about myself. I’ve dated guys that got my hopes up. And I’ve dated guys that made me want to stop hoping altogether.

But through it all (and maybe because of it all), I honestly came to conclude mid-twenties that I’m simply not much of a “dater”.

(Feel free to now officially label me as “picky”. It’s ok.)

Since then, for better and worse, I’ve been more selective about dating, which has led to hardly any dating in general. So I think it’s safe to say that I’ve spent the majority of my twenties with the strange label of being a single. (Or as the illustrious Bridget Jones would say, a singleton.)

8 Dresses

Meanwhile, I live smack in the heart of the Midwest. And attended a small Christian college. So it’s safe to say that wedding bells have been playing this past decade for (seemingly) just about everyone else around me.

A few fun facts:

  • I have sung or played music in literally over 100 weddings (the virtues of being a musician and years spent working in a church)
  • I have bridesmaided in 8 weddings (and absolutely never wore those dresses “again”)
  • I maid of honor-ed for my younger sister when she married her catch-of-a-husband four years ago (who happens to be the talented web designer of this site!)
  • I just officially became the last single girl in my very large extended family when my cousin got married this summer (to a guy who won her heart by writing long-distance handwritten letters, true story)

Navigating all of those weddings while single is another post for another time. But I will say it has been nothing less than awesome to watch my friends grow to love and marry some wonderful people — especially those of my friends who find their spouses after years and years of waiting. (Those weddings are now some of my absolute favorite moments of the year – priceless.)

Some of those marriages have gone on to celebrate anniversaries and pregnancies and babies and more. And some dear friends have found themselves navigating the painful road of divorce. But my twenties were definitely a decade of lots of new relationships and marriages celebrated, and it has been a wild and mostly wonderful adventure.

Wishin’, and Hopin’, and Thinkin’, and Prayin’…

That said, when you’re not in a relationship most of the time, you have a lot of time to watch others’ relationships. And think about relationships. If I’m honest, being single is something I think about — in some way — every day of my life. It’s kind of hard not to.

Granted, the nature of those thoughts have evolved and changed and I would say improved in the last decade of singleness. As have the lists, books, prayers, conversations, and conversations, and conversations again that I’ve had about relationships. Because I will tell you that being single at 18 is very different from being single at 22. And at 25. And at 28. And at 30. And I have no doubt it will continue to be beyond.

…But Life Is Good. Like, I-Really-Mean-It-GOOD.

But like most important things in life, I have found a growing paradox to be true about singleness:

I still really hope to be married more than ever — albeit for different reasons than at age 22. But I genuinely love my life more than ever as it is — including the fact that I’m single, and in many ways, because of the fact that I’m single.

Yes, there have been lots of hard days. Some of them are painfully, despairingly, bitterly, question-the-core-of-who-you-are hard. The kind of days that threaten to turn you into that single person you do not want to be.

But I feel incredibly lucky to say that most of the days I have spent single have been exciting, empowering, and wonderfully full.

They have been full of rich experiences and adventures. They have been full of risks taken and lessons learned. They have been full of some really amazing jobs and launching a new business from scratch. They have been full of laughter and smiles and some of the best memories ever. And they have been full of really, really good friends and people along the way. And for that, I give some serious thanks.

Because I’m pretty sure the worst thing I could imagine would be meeting the guy of my dreams, and then telling him that I basically spent the last decade moping and waiting around for him. (Ugh. Please, please don’t let me ever be that girl.)


Call me crazy, but I’ve decided to bite the bullet and blog about being single. I have mixed thoughts about putting this side of my life “out there” on the big, wide, and very-public blogosphere for anyone from complete strangers to my family to former boyfriends to read. But I made a list of reasons why it seems like a good idea today. (So, um, please remind me of these tomorrow if I get cold feet and feel like hitting delete!)

7) I rarely see any other bloggers talking about being single.

Ok, maybe this is because I primarily spend my days reading food blogs. But in my experience meeting (and reading) nearly 200 food bloggers over the past year, about a whopping 3% of them are single. No exaggeration. When I go to conferences with hundreds of people, I’m one of the few single ones. I’ve been on 6 blogging press trips when I am the only single one.

Now amongst my friends and community here in KC, there are lots of super-cool single people I know. But in a blogosphere full with mom bloggers and wedding bloggers (who I love), I do notice a shortage of bloggers to relate to on this topic.

6) But it needs to be talked about!

I don’t know what I would do without my good friends around me who keep me sane, and have those conversations about being single again and again. But I’ve also met lots of people over the years whose friends have literally all gotten married, and they’re not really able to process the topic as freely — or at least relate to someone about what it’s like to currently be single anymore.

So if this series can in any way provide a glimpse of encouragement to anyone out there, awesome. Really awesome.

I was also talking about the series with my Dad, and he reminded me that as a longtime married guy (and as my dad), he would love to get some fresh insights into the the lives of his single friends. And I know that many other of you cool married folk might be in the same boat. So if this series can in any way provide that glimpse to all of you dating/engaged/married folks, doubly awesome!

5) Personally, I want to push myself out of my comfort zone.

I can talk about food online all day long. And I can talk about singleness and dating with my friends for hours.

But talking about singleness online? That’s a new one.

I’ve kept quite a bit of my personal life fairly private on my blog, and really only talk about relationships with trusted friends and family. But I haven’t been able to get the idea of writing a series about singleness off my mind lately. And sometimes in life, that seems to be a clue that it should at least be tried. So ready-set-go!! I’m hitting publish before I completely talk myself out of this series. :)

4) I would TOTALLY love to hear from you and have this be a conversation.

Whether you’re married, engaged, dating, divorced, widowed, and/or single. Young or old. Girl or guy. Whomever.

We all have stories to share and lots of experiences on the topic of being single, or knowing people who are single. And I would love more than anything to hear what everyone has to say so that we can (really!) learn from each other.

3) It’s time someone talked about being single in a way that IS NOT…

…whiny, bitter, depressing, man-hating, defensive, hopeless, rose-colored, or full of terrible Christian cliches or assumptions. (This, coming from a Christian.)

2) It’s time someone talked about being single in a way that IS…

…empowering, vulnerable, hopeful, respectful, honest, refreshing, straightforward, content, faithful, and REAL.

1) I’m writing this as a single.

Most single people probably won’t tell you this, but sometimes it can be hard when someone who recently just got married, or someone who was single at “some” point in their past, tries to give lots of advice how to live the single life. I totally respect and validate your experience being single in the past, and know that some of the best advice I’ve received about being single has been from my married friends. But sometimes it’s just nice to discuss the topic with people who are currently single.

So if nothing else, you can count me as someone talking about this from the “currently single” boat. I’ll let you know if that changes. But for now, all of this single talk is coming to you live! ;)

So Stay Tuned.

So there you have it. I promise more posts won’t be so all-about-me, but I did want to give a little background on where I’m coming from.

More posts coming soon! (Including some lists. I love lists!!!)

I have a handful of ideas on some posts on random topics related to singleness and dating to come. And I have a handful of friends who are different kinds of single and live it out in different ways that I look forward to having share. But if you have any requests, please let me know!! Funny, serious, stories, lists, advice, you name it. Just leave a comment or you can email me as well.

Ok, massively long post!!! I promise the next ones will be shorter.

Thanks for reading along! :)

Single at 30 | gimmesomelife.com

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About Ali

Ali Ebright is a freelance recipe developer and food writer/photographer, and blogs at Gimme Some Oven and Gimme Some Life. She also loves all things music, traveling near and far, actually making things from Pinterest, cozying up with a good book and her sweet pup, Henry, and spending time with a wonderful group of friends. Come say hello and follow Ali on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Google+ & Instagram.

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242 thoughts on “30 and Single

  1. I look forward to future posts. I am 27 single and going to university in south Carolina. While reading your post I found myself saying me too a lot. Can’t wait for your next post

    - Bonnie

  2. Thank you for this series! I can def relate. Turning 30 this fall, Christian, from Midwest, ballet dancer and not to mention a marriage and family therapist rockin the solo life. Keep the posts coming!

    - Trisha

  3. I am a 27 year old single girl and lately I had these negative thoughts of being single at this age because I used to think that I would find love my life by this age and wont be single, seeing my almost all friends engaged make me feel more negative about myself and used to question myself was I wrong somewhere and loose someone who could have been love my life and missed that chance
    But now I feel good after reading your post and yes there is no wrong in being single, if I am picky that’s not wrong, if I have some choices there is nothing wrong in it. Your post gives me more courage now to live my life in my coming days happily.. love you and your post

    - SS

  4. Thank you so much for posting. You are such an inspiration for speaking out about being single, and as the 238 thoughts below me prove, it is very much appreciated.
    Although I am quite a bit younger than you.. sometimes it’s hard to plan my life out without a man in my future. Looking up to a woman as wonderful as you, proves that whether I meet someone or not, it is going to be OKAY.
    Thanks again. You rock.

    - Jeanette

  5. Loved reading your post! As a 27 year old guy who has been in relationships throughout his late teens and early twenty’s, the thought of being single can be scary. It’s safe to say I’ve gained knowledge about relationships but not about me as an individual. The truth is, I don’t know how to be single. Being single alone is outside my “comfort zone.” For a long-time now, I’ve felt as though something is missing from my life. I can only hope this new journey will enlighten me. Thanks for writing this blog….you’ve started something great. I hope you continue writing!

    - Marcus

  6. Stumbled across your blog and LOVE it!! It resonated with me as I find myself, too, navigating the last year of my twenties and find myself in the same boat as you and followers. Your writing style is authentic and engaging, often speaking what many of us are thinking. Your positivity and outlook are contagious! Thank you for your insight! I look forward to reading more.

    - Samantha

  7. I read your blog and I honestly got excited…. Because
    I was reading…. I was saying I can’t believe there is
    Someone that has gone thru the same as me….
    Even I have the same thought being single at 30 is not
    The same. I get frustrated when people at 20 want to compare
    That with me…. It’s totally different… Oh well it was nice reading your
    Blog ….. I wish I could have the courage to make one

    - Sarai

  8. Really love this post. I celebrated my 3 decades of existence in this world and just recently became single. I had(still have, a little)mixed emotions about being 30 and single. At times I feel happy, relieved and scared at the same time. But one thing I’ve realised is that coming to this age, I never really took time to really get to know me and accept the person God has created in me(well, still embarking on that journey). It’s very rare where you’ll get a post where a person talks about being single, without being angry at whoever for being in that situation. Being here suddenly I see the importance of having a life than waiting for my “night shining armour”, so to say. In short I would like to say thanks for writing this, and looking forward to hearing from you embarking on the journey of singleness and especially as a Christian. It’s really going to be interesting. So keep them coming girlfriend!!!!

    - L

  9. Fun and well done! I’m turning 30 next spring and so looking forward to all that lies ahead for this still single chick! I LOVE traveling and meeting new people – have seen most of my friends get married. I’ve also gotten to the point where I am genuinely happy for them but also really thankful and happy it’s not me at the same time. I’m still ready to explore and learn and try new things. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and celebrating the awesomeness of singleness! It’s refreshing to read :D

    - sarah

  10. I was so happy to find this post! I am 30 and recently single. All of my friends have been married for at least a few years. It’s hard to think of ways to meet new people when I have had the same group of friends for years and I’m the 11th wheel. It’s only in my group of friends and family I feel like I will be single forever. I know that’s not true, but with no potential in sight, it’s hard not to feel that way at times. I try to stay positive though! Now that I am 30, I have more of an idea of what I want and what I don’t want in a partner from all my experiences. Now you can be more picky! Like you said, coming out of your comfort zone is most important. That’s when great things happen. I’ve learned that life is never going to be what you thought, and that’s ok. I thought my last boyfriend was the “one.” But it didn’t work out that way. Now I need to change what I thought into accepting what is. I love how independent and free I am compared to some of my friends. And sometimes I even hear them say they wish they were single. The grass is always greener right? Like everyone has been telling me, enjoy this time by yourself because it won’t be forever!

    - Elayna

  11. I love this post. I’m going to be 31 and it really hasn’t hit me. The questions you ask yourself are: will I be single forever? Is there anyone out there for me? If so, where and when will I meet them. I must say that with my busy schedule I don’t have time to dwell, but when it comes up I do feel sone type of way. I love being independent and able to pay all my bills. I think it may be more of an issue for everyone else than myself. Don’t get me wrong, I’m ready, but I’m not obsessed. Love this blog!!!

    - Noemi

  12. This is a really interesting blog. I’m in my 30′s & still single. I actually enjoy being single when I’m in my own world, doing the things that I enjoy. It’s when I’m surrounded by family & friends who are either going to get married or are already married that being single feels like a negative thing. Almost if they see being single an illness or that I’m a jerk (& a failure) for not wanting to contribute to the planet’s population or allowing my parents to be grandparents. They don’t even encourage me to stay positive or date which has already created doubts in my mind that I’m going to end up alone for the rest of my life. It even makes me feel that they don’t even want to associate with me because of those reasons. I, of course do everything that I can to defeat these negative struggles in my mind & that if I do date or end up in a relationship or find a wife, it’s because I walked my own path & not because I will ever conform to their whims. I look forward to reading more of your blog.

    - Lee

  13. I really love the fact tht sumone other than me is tlkng about this. I’m 28 and hav been single a lot since I was 25 . I am still single. I find that a lot of guys just aren’t my type and the good ones are taken or married. Is there any hope ? I am very picky I think when it comes to men because most guys my age are immature and don’t want a relationship, label or marriage. Single us ok because I’ve learned a lot about life and myself . However, I have a dear if being alone fir the rest of my life. I would love to have a companion some day. I do strongly believe that er all deserve happiness, companionship, and love. If God did intend for all to have a partner, mayb there is hope.

    - Nona

  14. Hi all. Just weighing in as my 30th approaches. Never felt that I was a pariah until I moved from New York back to ireland recently. Not a day goes by when I’m not now fully aware of my single status. Friends family you name it, no one thinks twice about asking whether you have a significant other YET! No one wants to bitch about their mortgages and marriage woes in case it upsets me here whereas in New York it was a testament to who I was that I hadn’t settled for something less than I wanted or deserved. I really was very content until a few months ago. A summer of weddings beckons and it’s becoming increasingly normal not to get a plus one. Has anyone else got an opinion on this? For an impending wedding I’ve even been asked to share a room with an old roommate of mine because his fiancé cannot make it. I mean not only am I going to get an invite without a plus one but sharing a room with an old friend???? It just makes bad like really bad about myself. Re: plus ones- I know it’s not always going to be straightforward. I’ve read blogs pertaining to the pros and cons from the brides perspective. Most are heavily influenced by brides trying to justify reasons for not adding a plus one but the reasons for the most part are just plain insensitive. Like for example “not wanting to entertain your friends current squeeze”. A terrible attitude I think.

    - Lorraine

  15. Hi Ali! I really love your blog!! Thank you for being brave and courageous enough to speak on this topic, opposed to the many sites and people out there making us feel guilty or even bad for being single at 30! HAHA! I’m not 30 yet, but will be this September, and I totally understand. I love your comment about loving your life NOW AS IS!! That definitely motivates me and reinforces the idea that I HAVE to be happy alone first, because your absolutely right, …”the worst thing I could do would be meeting the guy of my dreams, and then telling him that I basically spent the last decade moping and waiting around for him”.

    - MJ

  16. I feel like you read my mind! I’m 28, and I’ve never had a boyfriend, never been on a real date. I have at least kissed two boys…one of whom I say myself marrying, and was forced to “mourn” the ending of that dream when I realized he was nothing but a player (although he kept his distance from me out of respect, as he did not want to use me like he used the other girls). I honestly hate being single. I was ok with it at 18 or even 22, although even then, I got really jealous and uneasy when other girls would talk about what their boyfriends got them for Valentine’s day. But now at 28, I see more and more of my friends getting married and having kids. I’m now officially the only one out of my extended family who has never been married. And my fear is that I’m going to grow old and die alone. So it’s nice to know that there are other girls out there who share the same worries!

    - DeAnna

  17. Amazing. This is actually the most inspiring and genuine account of what it’s like to be single in the modern world. Please keep writing, I am obsessed! xo

    - Laur

  18. Thank you for your article!I’m 26 year old single woman on the same boat.

    - A

  19. My experience being in NYC is that most men enjoy their independence and doing what they want whenever. They end up wanting casual relations and then seeing a woman when it’s convenient for them. I started dating in my late 20s and if I knew the guy was going to change personalities overnight, I wouldn’t have had intercourse at all. They went from being the nice guy chasing me to not answering calls and texts. I figured out they just wanted a friends with benefits situation. Online dating is a mess for me because when I get a date, the guy ends up being older, fatter, and shorter than advertised. And they don’t know how to date (wine and dine a girl) or just want to go to my house to chill. One guy decided he wanted to spend the date at Best Buy buying a new battery for his laptop. That’s teenager stuff. Guys are not interested in committment or courting a girl out here. And I don’t get set up by friends or family so I have little options. A lot of good looking guys just like the attention. NYC guys have lots of options.

    - kyra

  20. thank you for writing this, I’m glad I’m not alone! I am 27 years old, single for 2 years. Months after a rough break up from my long term bf, my best friend got engaged and my other best friend got married. Don’t get me wrong i love them and they deserves all the happiness in the world, but they both entered the o-no-she-is-single-lets-find-anyone-for-her-to-date-club. I am surrounded by couples/married women who want to help but they look at me with pity eyes, the first thing they ask ” are you seeing anyone, i know someone.” Believe it or not i am content alone, but days like today, I do crave to have that special someone. After so much dating and searching, i think i have decided to let the universe bring Mr right to me.

    - Adrian

  21. Amen sister! I hope you write more posts. Anyone know of any singles support group?

    - Katrina

  22. I’m going to be 31 next month and my ring finger is bare. I am happy that most of my days are wonderful and being single is the last thing on my mind. Then there are the days where my 25 year old friends become preachy about me not getting younger and how I’d better hurry up and find someone and did you know all the things that can wrong in an older woman’s pregnancy??? *Cue bulgy bug-eyes and concerned expression*. What is flabbergasting is that ppl still think that their advice(?) or “keen” observation is at all original to me. As if I’ve somehow missed these “facts” of life and need a special lecture. It’s an interesting phenomena to say the least to not feel like anything less than myself but to have friends and family starting to pity me anyway as if my personality is gone and there’s only this one aspect, “singleness” to me. Sadder still is the younger women (often in relationships) that look up to me as in I’m some kind of rebellious, fierce, independent woman. Nope. It’s kind of like Judgement Day when suddenly I have to answer to others why no previous relationship has worked out. The actual reasons are no longer acceptable- I have to examine things to the last detail of what did I do wrong- was I too needy/ not needy enough, too picky, not twenty-five, too Christian, too unchristian etc… The end of a relationship was never a “two person job” but always something to be blamed on the single woman approaching biological redundancy apparently.

    - Lisa

  23. I was starting to feel like there was something wrong with me. I am almost 29 and have been single for 6 years. I am shy and don’t have a big group of friends so haven’t had many chances to meet anyone. The ones who are interested I don’t feel the same way no matter how much I try.. A few of those years were spent grieving after the death of my mother and a lot of time trying to look after myself and find my way back to happiness. I would have loved to have someone to cuddle and look after me in those dark times and I do feel a little hard done by not having anyone, I just hope one day soon I will find someone amazing.

    I guess the key is to not lose hope. It’s definitely a hard thing to find a match, someone who ticks most of the boxes and watch all around you coupled up so easily. Frustrating and lonely.

    - Jo

  24. I think i’m a bit late finding this, but I’m happy I did. I too am over 30 and very single. I’m great with it. Of course I’d like to find that someone special, but I’m not withering away in my room somewhere praying he’ll come along. I am however having to deal with extremely rude people (family, friends, and strangers) who think they’re entitled to ask me about my love life and offer advice on how to improve it. *sigh* Always happy to find someone in the same boat. I too will be MoH in my little sister’s wedding next year. He’s also completely fantastic and cool.

    - Jillian D

  25. I just turned 32..nasty break up a few months ago and I’m single again. I am absolutely miserable. I gained 20lbs and feel disgusting. I don’t know what to do.

    - Anonymous

  26. Great post, It really is how I feel about being single at 34 but is also very encouraging at the same time.

    - Stephen

  27. I really enjoy reading your posts. I feel like you are speaking all the words for me on how I feel. I would love to talk to you about this and my feelings about being single as well. I will be 29 in June and even though I have a crush right now, there are still doubts, fears and yet hopes of a bright future. I have been waiting pretty much the same time as you to find my husband or know if he exists. I try hard to not let it be my focus but as you said it kinds of is hard to forget when you leave church all happy but come home to be by yourself. I do enjoy what God has blessed me with so far, I love my family, my friends, that I have my own apartment, a good job, the ability to go to graduate school, and many more amazing things in life I have had the opportunity to experience. But the thing is Married people get to experience all those things as well. Its hard to fight the lies of satan as well, that the reason I am single is because I am not pretty enough, smart enough, or worse that I am not lovable enough that someone would want to spend their life with me and fight through the hard times, that I am not worth fighting for daily. I know those are lies and someday they may be proven wrong. But what if they are not ( another lie from satan). I struggle. I do. Yet I love life and what God has done for me. I can relate to very much. Thank you so much for sharing your heart, it is mine as well.

    - Alicia Obrin

  28. Hi Ali,

    Thank you so much for starting this blog. It really is hard to talk about what it feels like to be single with a bunch of people who are married/in relationships. As it happens, I am the last single one in my group of friends and I can really start to notice how in am being left behind, not on purpose of course, but still I feel out of the loop. I have tried everything that works for everyone else, online dating, dating apps, friends of friends, I try to step out of my comfort zone and every time it just ends on disappointment. I have recently just given up all together and finding this blog may help me to just be ok with being single. So thank you for that!

    - Claudia

  29. Just turned 33 and single. You are lucky to have friends whom you can laugh about being single. Once my friends (since high school) got married and became moms they kind of make me feel like I don’t fit in to their conversations and girl that hurts a lot.

    - Suri

  30. HI Ali,

    This is my first time on your site. Its one of those days when I was feeling a bit low with things around me, so this blog came in as a little ray of sunshine:-)Thankyou!
    Although we all know and agree that society should be more open to the idea of being single, I would much rather have them DO something about it, than just talk about it. I would much rather have my folks feel proud of my achievements in daily life, rather than assume those achievemnts happened because I was trying to fill my life with meaning ( since NOT being married and NOT having kids = no meaning in life). In your article ” what not to say to single people”, can you please add quoting from the bible ( read interpreting the bible wrongly!). I am often told ” you are going against nature because you havent yet fulfilled your duties as a woman”. ROFL ( though i didnt really laugh then)
    Another thing people should stop saying is ” People around you will eventually get bored of you and give up trying to advice/hook you up with other guys, after all – everyone gets busy in their own lives”. OMG HOW CRUDE AND THOUGHTLESS IS THAT
    Why dosent anyone see that we are working hard and tryiong to be honest and good and ultimately have a great life too? I tutor kids in math and science and run a swimming coaching camp ( teaching makes me hapy and feel like im contributing to the world in a small way), APART from my regular job , yet I hear ” dont u have better things to do? Why do you waste time on this instead of searching for a guy ”

    Anyway, this hopefully didnt come across as me venting!:-)I just wanted to point out all the wier stuff people do! Would love to hear your response! Keep up with your great work!
    Thanks again for making my day though your blog!

    - k

  31. So refreshing to read this! Thanks for being so open and honest about it! I am 27 and single and have been struggling with this stupid timeline I had in my head since I was little. I need to get rid of the timeline and just enjoy being single!

    - Kelly

  32. Love ur blog! I am def checking this out again. I randomly came across this and was like ahhh someone who gets it lol. I’m 29 and am on some weird mental roller coaster about this lol but yes thank you for putting this out there!

    - Heather

  33. You are cute, so if you are single in the US or any other Anglo country, it is entirely your fault. You have been treated like a rock star almost all your adult life, like any other cute girl.

    I read your list. Basically, you want the successful handsome guy (that what “loves his job” means in girlspeak). Guess what, you are too late. That guy is dating the very cute 25 year old down the block. And he is going to marry her, if she does not start acting like a character from “Sex and the City”.

    Your best chance? Revisit your old friends and flames, travel abroad, look carefully around, and when a guy you consider to be below you talks to you, for once talk back.

    - Pablo

    • Pablo,
      Come on. You can not always blame a single for being single. Some of us simply have not found someone, or if there someone we are interested in, the feelings are reciprocated (that’s basically the story of my life). There are very few options for meeting elegible singles once you are out of high school or college (bars, clubs, and online websites are not good ways to meet quality people by the way). While I understand you may be trying to encourage singles to get out there, there is no guarantees about finding love. Please think about what you are saying before you post it.

      - Angela

      • Whoops…I meant to say that sometimes feelings are NOT reciprocated. Anyway, you hopefully get my drift.

        - Angela

  34. It was so refreshing to read this. I am 30 as well and very single. No prospects in sight single. I have good and bad days. There are days I’m ok with it and think it will happen eventually in its own time. Then there are days I freak out. As other comments have stated it is nice to read this from a woman who is likely a great catch. Too often I have fallen into the “what is wrong with me” questions and that leads nowhere good. For me, all of my friends except for one is married and have kids. All of them. I just feel like I got left behind. The most difficult thing for me is that it has caused a lot of my friendships to suffer because I’m not in the same stage of life. We have less to talk about, and kids are screaming in the background anytime we do make time to talk. I think that has been the hardest part for me is feeling that I have lost my best friends because I’m not on the same timeline as them. That hurts more than not having a man. Anyway, I did want to say thank you for your post.

    - Carla

  35. It’s always nice to see an intelligent, attractive 30-something who is still single. I’m almost 32, and searching online made me feel like it was a lost cause. I have seriously started to think there must be something wrong with me as my friends and acquaintances marry and have kids. But again, glad to see that someone who looks like a catch (and judging by some of the comments, can attract a lot of guys) is still single. We are not all weirdos, and I’m not alone.

    - Mavis

  36. I hope Im not too late commenting on this post. I just adore you! It was so awesome to read a blog about 30 and being single. I just turned 30 this January and right now my life is sort of an adventure and taking risks. I am in a state of thinking about “life” that I should have and not the life that people want for me or the society has been telling me. As I sit here and read about your blog it makes me think that Im still in a position in which Im “lucky” not thinking about relationship or having a relationship. Of course I want to meet a great guy and get married. I want that to happen, but thinking about me and how I love being me, it makes me think that having a boyfriend is not my priority right now. Im so far enjoying and trying out adventures in life that I can wait for that “Mr. Right or the one” to showed up. I guess it will be soon, as Im thinking very positively. MY friends and relatives keep on asking me about marriage and I always replied “wait until 2015, I will be married to a lovely guy”. As my mantra is “LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE” So thank you for posting this blog, really THANK YOU because I can truly relate t you. :)

    - karen

  37. This blog is so very refreshing! I am currently 32 and will be turning 33 in June, and to top it off I’m from an indian culture (Born in the UK) which pretty much by their standards I’m on the shelf..wayyyy on the shelf..I was having a very long distance relationship with a guy a few years younger than me but very recently we had to split, because I came to the realisation he wasn’t the type of person I should be with. With that break up came this huge feeling of loss…loss of what we had planned…we wanted marriage and kids, but his inability to get himself stable shattered that…

    I’ve felt really down since the break up because all my friends around me have all gotten married and had kids and I feel like the odd one out, my family are not trying to pressure me into the traditional ‘arranged marriage’ route as they fear I will never find anyone…have had a lot of anxiety and worry about whether I will find the right one and is it too late… THIS SITE however has made me see I’m not alone out there and there are other women out there my age and not married or with kids, I guess I need to take it one step at a time and learn to be grateful for the things I do have? Its really hard but I want to get to that point, and stop feeling the loss of the things I previously wanted…. I’m grateful I stumbled on this site!


    - Tina

  38. Hi, I am 30 years old and have only dated one guy in my entire life. I have chosen to stay single. I thought I love that guy whom broke up with me after 3 years and was engaged to another woman the next month. I have chosen to be happy and content in my situation. I do any and everything I want to do. I feel being single is easier than being in a relationship.

    - Jen

  39. Thank you! I’m a 36 year old always-been-single (unless you count kindergarten or first grade) and can tell you this is sooo needed, especially for Christian singles. Christians and the church in general try to groom young people for marriage instead of teaching them to be content and become the people God wants them to be. Do I hope for marriage? Sure, but my life won’t be a disaster if I never find Mr. Right.(And as one who has even looked on line and been disappointed there’s a good chance I may not). To me, the important thing is to live a life that glorifies Christ no matter our marital status (or other status).

    - Angela

  40. I like being single but there are times when I’m home alone trying to watch something on netflix cuddled up and there’s no one there with me. Being able to get up and go at the drop of a hat is wonderful but it gets old just like my age. I’m 30 and all of my friends are married with kids. Sometimes I feel like the odd man out when I out with them and their families. Does anyone feel this way as well?

    - Q

  41. That’s a tough one for the males being that some of us realistically would like to have kids without rushing to have them before its too late. It’s hard to hurry up and date, get married, and squeeze in the kids with a female that is either approaching 30, is 30 or is 30 plus. Just to have kids is about a 9 months proess, give or take. So that’s about a year right there. Doesn’t waiting that long and not settling down make it much more difficult to realistically get married and have kids in a natural and non stressful sort of way?

    - Anonymous

  42. There are lots of us out there! Good for you for talking candidly about being single at 30.

    - KT

  43. I am sorry to disagree with the post and the comments as well, We all know being single is nothing desirable, even nice, who are we fooling? Why pretend happiness? why even live in the same old fantasy world? Nothing is ever perfect. I am gonna work on it and give up on my single status (since birth ye), I have had it. Done with my pretensions and the fairy world of modernism, feminism, conection, whatever you call it, all it does is bring you closer to loneliness, gauranting an empty life while you live in your old stupid fantasy. A rambling 30yr old woman.

    - anonymous

  44. i super love your blog! it really made my day ;-) im 31 and single (since birth actually). finding the right man is like finding a needle in a haystack.

    - Jackie;-)

  45. Love this! About to be 32 single Christian female, my career is going well but it’s def nice to read a single’s blog that isn’t full of, “You’ll meet the right one/You just have to…./It’s not God’s time yet” statements. I stopped dating in 2012 because it started to feel like work instead of enjoyment. Now I am living my life and open to whatever comes my way while keeping the bad apples at bay. Thanks!! :)

    - Toyin

  46. OMG. Not sure how I evently came upon your website, well I do. As I am turning 30 this April and still single. In fact my younger sister is getting married in June. I feel as though I have spent my 20′s getting to know who I really am. Sure there are days when I wish I were in a relationship but I feel as though now it’ll happen when it happens. But glad to know other people feel the same way I do. Thanks, Becky

    - Becky

  47. Hi Ali,

    You seem like a pretty great girl.
    Shoot me a message and would be great to say hello!

    - FH

  48. Hi, Brave of you! I’m a belgian woman of 32-years old who always thought she would be married by now ;) So I get you!

    - Eva

  49. I really appreciated a lot about this post. In particular, how you talk about making the choice not to date. I am 26 years old, and have been single for a year and a half, following the break down of a serious relationship. I have dated but haven’t met anyone that excites me. I’m watching friends raced around on Tinder and other dating sites, trying to find someone, but I’m finding myself so uninterested in chasing it. I don’t feel like there is anything lacking in my life that I need to chase. I would definitely like to meet someone but I don’t need it. If anything I feel like I have to defend the decision not to date. Like if I’m not “putting myself out there” it’s “no wonder” I’m single. It was reassuring to hear you had made the conscious decision to be more selective about dating.

    I also loved how you said that we should be able to talk about being single as empowering AND vulnerable. I really agree. I don’t want to have to pretend that I’m unhappy single (because people may be threatened) but I also don’t want to pretend that I don’t wish I had someone sometimes.

    THANK YOU for writing this post! I’m sure it wasn’t an easy decision :)

    - Marley

  50. Love this site! Turned 30 this past June and I’m so glad to have this to read and relate to! Thanks, look forward to your next posts.

    - Chellie Forbes

  51. Thanks for being brave and starting a discussion about being a single woman in her thirties. I look forward to reading your other blog posts!

    - Alicia

  52. I’m 24 and recently single and I couldn’t be happier. It’s so nice to read something uplifting and positive about being single! Especially when all of my friends seem to be ringing wedding bells every month with their been-dating-since-college boyfriends (and we graduated less than 2 years ago). I feel better about myself than I ever have and I feel confident I’ll figure out who I am and have wonderful experiences in this new phase of my life! Keep posting your thoughts and I’ll keep agreeing and laughing a little, too ;)

    - Lucy

  53. I LOVE(!!!) that you posted this!!! I also was a serial dater in my dating days. I honestly never expected to be 29 years old looking at 30 in 8 months and not dating anyone. I broke off an engagement 1 year ago. I took the “one year of no dating challenge” from Andy Stanley’s series “Love, Sex and Dating”! Best thing I ever did!!! Single is not a status it is a life stage. We need to enjoy it. I feel like everything you said I’ve thought, felt and said I get where you are coming from! Your post encouraged me!!! Thank you for posting!

    - Virginia

  54. I would love to have a date with you.

    - Chase Patterson

  55. You are awesome …. Funny how I have always wanted to be married yet my friends who didn’t have the ring and the children! So you have made my day to read that some of us are all in the same boat! Thank you for being an inspiration!!

    - Claire

  56. Thank you Ali for being bold and beautiful! It’s so refreshing to hear from someone who knows what I’m going through. I’m almost 26, but it seems like my pool of single friends has started to dwindle. I look forward to reading more of your blog and cheering for you as you are not alone! God bless! <3

    - Holly

  57. I’m so glad I’ve found your blog. I’m a single 28 year old woman; soon to be 29. I’ve been feeling kind of down lately and wanted to find something uplifting and motivational. This seems like my kind of blog. :)

    - Tiffany

  58. I’m 30, single, and live in KC. And I would totally date you! I’m not dating currently because I’m trying to get all my ducks in a row (not in the literal sense….I have no barnyard animals). But this summer, if you’re still single, I’ll follow up. Then I’ll let you google the heck out of me before agreeing to a “blind date”.

    - #N/A

  59. I’ll be a big old 31 in February and am indeed “single”! Shock horror. Tired of the same old “I can;t believe YOU’RE still single” and night upon night spent trawling through online dating sites to see the same shirtless tripe or 5ft 5ers sending me messages.
    Like you, I’ve dated for years and have been in “relationships” although only really two that I’d class as such. I’ve been single for about 5 years and…..I hate to say it…..I would like to meet someone now. I’m a little worried about becoming that one woman and her dog person. Dam it I’m smart, funny, attractive and just want to meet someone who gets the butterflies going again. I love being single in so many ways, but I do feel I’m missing out in others.
    I think my “type” has a lot to do with it. I’ve not moved past the 90′s grunge scene type. Most people befitting this type are usually not befitting in other ways. Perhaps I should move to Australia and hook up with a surfer. Dublin is hugely lacking in anything that arouses my interest!

    - Ceg

  60. I can SOOO relate, only I recently turned 31 lol you have inspired ME to start the single at 31 blog of my own … maybe we can compare notes and inspire one another on those lonely days … because let’s face it, being alone is fine and can be great fun … but when we hit those low days where we don’t like feeling so lonely, those are the days a support system would be nice. Nice to meet you and I hope you’ve had some recent fun singledom :)

    - Shanna

  61. I’m turning 30 tomorrow ahhhh no children and single :).

    - Silvia Ibarra

  62. Wow I love your blog! I’ll be 30 this year and I am soooo single. Never married, no kids and refuse to settle for someone I don’t really want for the sake of saying “I’m married”

    - Tiffany

  63. I love this, it’s the most refreshing take on Christian singledom that I have read in a long time. Thankyou for being real, thankyou for not making it weird and thankyou for having the courage to write this! Looking forward to following the series. Love from sunny Sydney Australia

    - Katy

  64. Marry me

    - Mark

  65. I commend you on making it a point to speak of this great phenom. I will be turning 34 this year. Like you, on my 30th birthday, life never seemed more clear being single.

    After 6 years of no relationships, I also joined online dating sites and agreed to being set up on blind dates. I thought to myself if I don’t get out there and start looking, I may never find “the one”. And yes, yes, yes I Google’d every single one of them too.

    At the beginning of this year I started exclusively dating “the one”, moved in with him after 3 months, and on the 8th month, I finally figured out that he was just the same as every other guy I’ve dated before. It completely shattered my belief in thinking I would ever get married. It still hurts as I type.

    However, the lesson that I have learned from all this, could never have been recognized from any other situation. I am in the process of turning my sadness into gratefulness, seeing the good that this experience has brought to me. And I think that is what creates a person to be so strong when they are single. To recognize that life will knock you down sometimes, but what really matters is how you overcome.

    I’ve realized that I was happy being single for many years prior to this bump in the road break up. Do I really want to interrupt this continuation of life’s happiness?

    I’ll tell you what though. I am really happy that I came across your blog. And with the new year starting in a few days, I will do as I have always done…endure, overcome, learn and move on.


    - Grace

  66. Thank you so much! I’m about to turn 31 and am single. Not by choice. When I turned 30 I wanted to set sail on adventure and focus on myself and not waste my time worrying about dating. Reading your blog is like reading my mind! I was in one long term relationship (3 years) and it ended cause the guy got scared.. but that’s a blessing I think, did think that at the time but, now i do think that. I have spent more times with my friends and getting to know new and exciting people. However, now that I’m turning 31 I do want to be in a relationship, but again in time it will come if it is to come. I need to continue to focus on my myself and my family.

    - Brittney

  67. So i couldnt find a male response to your opening blog, let alone a male british one however i felt the need to acknowledge how your blog made me laugh as i turn 30 after 4 years of singledom. Im almost chronically shy so im aware im in for dvd boxed sets for the future so thanks for the light within a self-emposed dark tunnel. You can tell i was raised by women; i like drinking to rom-coms!

    - James

  68. I’m SO excited to have found this blog! I turned 30 in September and have been single for most of my 20s – certainly not “by choice,” but I have absolutely chosen NOT to date the wrong men! I’ve tried online dating off and on for years without finding anything long-term, and with more and more of my friends getting married off every year it’s SO easy to feel like I’m doing something wrong. Like there’s something that I haven’t figured out that comes so easily to everyone else. I’ve read all your posts in the series, and your thoughts about living a full life are what really struck a chord with me. Sometimes it’s hard to have a full social calendar when everyone else I know is off doing Couple Things, but I do want to focus more on living a life that excites and fulfills me, single or not! Even though I want a relationship very much, I want to live a full life in the meantime, and I certainly don’t want to look back on my life now and think of it as “treading water.” What a waste!

    I think you’ve just inspired my New Years Resolution for 2014!

    - Jenny

  69. I’m 33 in March & have officially been single almost 6 years
    On Purpose!
    Don’t get me wrong, I’ve dated badly during this time, but I have sure as heck not managed more than a few weeks. Making me single for 6 years in April!
    I’m so ok with this.
    I had so much going on in my head that wasn’t healthy. I have therapied & self helped & generally worked on loving & respecting myself!
    I’m now a much better person for having had that time alone!
    I’m also now in a place where I can start a relationship, but having been single so long, I’m uber fussy!
    I’m even more ok with that!
    Power to the singletons!

    I think you need to do a thread about the best part about being single.
    I’ll start.
    1. Going to a friends place and them just feeding you. You’re only one extra, so not a hassle.
    2. Leaving whenever you feel like it & not feeling guilty
    3. Long baths with a glass of wine & book of choice & nobody (except cat) to bother you!

    - Michelle

  70. Thank you SOOOOOOOO much for this! I will be turning 30 in February and the first thing my mother said to me was, “Candis, you may need to get your hormone levels checked.” My jaw literally dropped to the floor. 2 minutes later, while she had gone to the bathroom, I cried my eyes out. If I wasn’t getting enough repercussions from the fact that all my friends were getting married or already married, now my mother puts MORE fear in my heart of children! So yes, being single and 30 is a scary feeling. I’m in the United States Army, so being single in my field is even more annoying, with family gatherings and awards and recognition dinners for wives and husbands. And yes, I too have the cute puppy by my side, but I just can’t find the momentum I need to actually date. I’m alway stationed in places that just don’t have the “goods” if you will. But yes, I am very happy I found this page and this series for that matter! I need some encouragement in my life…

    - Candis

  71. Ali, I’ve been reading your single series because someone posted a link to one of them. I must say, I feel you. I’m 26 and single, live by myself in a small town with family 2.5 hours away. I’m literally by myself because most of my coworkers commute to work so they don’t even live in my town. Thank you for writing this and I’m looking forward to reading more :)

    - Carla

  72. I just found out that my ex, whom I loved and cared for, got married. I am in shock. And still single. It’s been less than two years since we split and I never felt a connection during the time that I did with him, and only to find out that he got married this summer. It’s happened now twice – that the guy I split with immediately marries the next girl, except this time it mattered more because I loved him. I have all these random thoughts – from shock to anger to disappointment to a horrible painful hurt. I am scared about what will happen next to me and how to move on and whether I will. I have to move on.

    - SM in NYC

  73. I haven’t even finished reading this yet, but I HAD to say a loud and relieved THANK YOU for finally giving me a place to feel ok being single and 28!!! Because, let’s face it, I am going to be single and 30 soon, too.

    - Rachel

  74. I am so glad I found this site! I am 28, going to be 29 very soon, and am going through a break up right now. I’m very sad, angry, scared, and lonely. I’m glad to find a blog with somebody who is single and close to my age! Will definitely be following!

    - Aneres

  75. I will turn 30 this Friday and this blog has really cheered me up! It is hard to find someone who can express how being 30 and single feels like. I am the only one of my friends without a boyfriend or kids. I just hope I can find Mr. Right someday. =) Keep blogging!

    - Rose from Spain

  76. I am so excited to follow along with this series! I just turned 27 two weeks ago and have pretty much always been single (which I just realized reading this post!) Anyways, I loved what you said about hoping to be married but loving your life RIGHT now just how it was. Being content in the moment. I feel like that is where my life is right now…going against what everyone says around me about to get married or do this to meet this guy so your life can start and really I am like “but i like how my life is, it’s already started!”

    Thank you SO much for starting this convo!

    - Ashley Perkins

  77. I am so glad I found your blog. I feel like you are describing my life! I just turned 30 last month, and for the past year, I have had a really hard time coming to terms with the fact that life is not what I thought it would be at this point. Over the past few years, ALL of my close friends have gotten married and started having babies, and I am genuinely SO happy for all of them. I’ve been on the brink of depression for a while, and it is so refreshing to read your viewpoints because I have had some really dark thoughts lately. The unknown of if and when love, marriage and kids will happen is the hardest part. It sounds silly, but I think I am running out of time. How do you deal with those thoughts if you have them? How do you keep positive and happy? It’s getting harder and harder, and I don’t want to become bitter. I will keep reading your blog – it made me remember I am not alone in this! :) THANK YOU!!

    - andrea

  78. SO happy to have found your blog. As a fellow 30 year old single I can’t wait to read more from you.

    - Kate

  79. YES! OMG, someone actually said All The Things, without being overly negative (couched as “funny”) about it. Yay! I may have to send this to my mom, because I think she sometimes forgets that, while I’m looking for a partner, I still really like my life. And that it’s good. But, dude…I *am* losing patience. Thanks for your writing. :)

    - Liz

  80. i agree with sm completely as i have been single my entire 20′s that is 10 years of being single and in my early 20′s i did not mid going to christmas parties and so on by my self, however now being 30 i have stopped going to functions because i get the “are you single, you will fid someone” or he is out there” is it funny that only married people or people in a relation say that you don’t here any single people saying that crap. i found out by my sis ted tat her ex boyfriends brothers wives hated me because i was single. as i have moved back to a smaller town that i grew up in all the people i went t school with are married with kids. that is why i cancelled my Facebook.

    - Emma

  81. It just so happens that you wrote this two days before I turned 30! I’m glad I stumbled upon your blog! While I love analyzing singledom, I think the food talk is what will keep me coming back. Very cool!

    - Sarah

  82. This post is awesome!!

    - Liz

  83. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    - Lindsay T.

  84. I’m just curious. Does anyone ever get frustrated with the way people act / treat singles? I usually don’t let it get to me, but sometimes it does. For example, recently, I’ve had several acquaintances try to set me up. And while I can assume that their intentions are (hopefully) good, the men they’ve tried to set me up with are not just not my type, but it leaves me scratching my head wondering “Do they hate me?” or “Do they think I am that desperate?” or “What in the world were they thinking? This guy and I have NOTHING in common!” I am then told that I am too picky. These experiences make finding the right guy impossible and the whole process very depressing / discouraging. I am trying to have faith, but sometimes, I wobble a bit.

    - SM in NYC

    • Same here! My friend is angry because I was upset that she tried to set me up with some guy who lives more two hours away and doesn’t have a job…and hasn’t had one in a while…wtf.

      - Liz

  85. Thank you for writing this. I follow a lot of lifestyle, fashion and design blogs, and I find that most of them are either married/in a relationship or if single, do not talk about it. So I find it refreshing that are you approaching this subject. I too live in KC, and while I have great family and friends, I am one of the only single friends. I have been told that I am “picky,” but I want to make sure I find the right guy for me and it might just take awhile! Living in KC, I found it very difficult to date, and even find new single girl-friends. I guess it is about putting yourself out! I look forward to reading your blog and I am glad I am not the only one out there!

    - Stefanie

  86. Thanks for writing this, Ali. I agree with you on all points. I turned 30 three weeks ago and am single too. I have a very full life and truly, truly enjoy celebrating the life milestones of my wonderful friends and family – I’ve had a lot of fun, really tested the waters of life and am not done yet. Being single at 30 is a weird experience though (and one I never expected either)- but it is great, and positive, and I’m looking forward to my 30′s in the same way you are – with an inate belief, but not an absolute mandate, that love will find me and I’ll get to have all that stuff for myself too. Just wanted to thank you for writing this – I think you’re onto something here and I’ll be reading. :)

    - Missy

  87. I’ve been single for the past 2 years after a bitter and abusive relationship and oh boy, how much have i grown! Coming from Malaysia where typical Asian families would expect people of my age group to already be married – i’ve a lot to say, only because i draw a lot from my past, so albeit the pressure to marry is present but i’d rather just be happy with what and how I am now and just go with the flow…Living is easier without much expectations.
    I agree that being single is indeed empowering. Your mind is focused on you and your growth alone. Looking forward for more of your insights.

    - Rosalind

  88. Ali,
    Thank you so much for this post. I am just about to turn 29 so I am sitll 1 year away from 30, but I eel like I am in the same boat. I have never even been in love. It is refreshing to know I dont feel the same about some of the issues you discussed. It gave me a new view of being single and I greatly appreciate this blog!!
    Thanks and rock on!!

    - Sam B

  89. Hey Ali,

    Thank you for this. It’s so refreshing, brave and rare to see a woman find contentment in being single at age 30. We are all so caught up in the pressure of societal standards, and we are so hard on ourselves when we feel that we haven’t met them. I truly hope this opens up the lines of communication amongst women and we continue to empower each other through your words. Rock on.

    - Kalie

  90. I can relate so much here. Being single and 30 has me misunderstood by my family and coupled up peers, dealing with stereotypes of spinsters, and feeling scared that something is wrong with me (which, rationally, I know is not the case). It can be painful and I wish I had solutions. I know the solution won’t come from a guy or a relationship and so I deal with it to the best of my ability by trying to be understanding when others are not, and trying to be strong when I feel let down. But, regardless, a loving relationship with the right guy would be great to have.

    - SM in NYC

  91. Love ! Love! Love! I’m 30 and single as well (turned my dirty thirty in April) and hear it from everyone around me too! Heck, I work with women younger than me who are married and just all had babies. It’s a lot of pressure, but you already know that. Thanks for creating this blog :)

    - Alexis

  92. I love this! I started a new blog not too long ago- about dating in your 30s. It’s completely different from dating in your 20s so I’ve decided to write about it and connect with ppl just like you. xx

    - Amy

  93. Hi Ali,

    I just finished reading this and I love it, I’m two months shy of 30 and I’m just staring to be really happy with me being the way I am right now, single with a career, hobbies, friends etc.
    I found your writing funny and both insightful and inspiring.
    I will definitely be reading more and sharing with my friends.

    Thank you,

    - Belinda

  94. God bless you. You’ve made my day. I’m 30 and going through a break up, so I’m newly single. I have all those thoughts going through my head, will I ever have the chance to have babies? It’s nice to know that I’m not alone. Keep up the wonderfulness xx

    - Jacqueline

  95. Great blog. Maybe I should start blogging about the over-40 and recently divorced with no kids lifestyle. Gah! This is the age where people start to tell me I should start settling and stop being so picky. Um, no thanks. Besides, that saying about it being even more lonely in a bad relationship than it is being on your own is soooo true.

    - Tonya

  96. Hi Ali, turned 31 on sep 11, and let me tell being single at 31 in india is about as worse as it can get. reading ur blog was like reading my lifestory, right down to the last single cousin who got engaged a week ago and is expecting a baby with his fiancee, hence the rush wedding in capetown. All my friends are married and on their second or third kids, younger ones on their first.

    being from a traditional country, my friends and my family cant understand why i m still single, exactly what is it that i am looking for in a guy they ask, bald guys being my deal breaker.
    they look at me and go oh u re so pretty and intelligent, why cant u just settle for someone already.
    this last month went for a speed dating event, disastrous, a bar event, where my 5ft 8 in female cousin was taller than all but 4 of the guys there, this being in london, where i was visiting,
    thank u for ur blog, ty for letting me vent, going to keep reading :)

    - Urmi

  97. :D Loved it and Ditto!:):)

    - manisha

  98. I am a little different then everyone. I will be 30 in december and I am married. I have been for 3 years but 2 1/2 have been me off and on trying to dicide divorceor stay because of stupid stuff he has done and still does. I dont have many friends but the ones I do are married and have babies. Some got married after me and have babies already. I wanted a baby more then anything, and I wanted one before I was 30. But now I am turning 30, no kid, and in a marriage that I think I want out of but dont know how to say it. So I think I am going to find myself single and babyless at 30 and I am sadder then ever. I am scared to start over at 30 So it is nice to see there are people out there that are happy being single and 30. It gives me hope and maybe courage to not be scared to end things.

    - Jamie

    • Jamie, I left my partner when I was 28 to become a single mom of two. I now have three kids I am raising on my own, btw. I can tell you 100% for a fact that while it can be unnerving being single in your 30s, it is SO SO much better than being in a relationship that isn’t right, watching the years slip away. Being on your own gives you the freedom to pursue your dreams and perhaps find the person who will click with who you are (or who you end up becoming). Don’t be scared; if you want out then get out. It’s a lot harder to do once kids are involved. I have been happy single more often then not. I would take being single for the rest of my life before taking being in a marriage that I don’t want to be in for the rest of my life. Look at it this way: if you’re single then the only person whose happiness you need to take into consideration is YOURS. Married? Well, nope. You have your partner to consider, and if you don’t want to be with them, how horrible!

      - Adri

      • Adri,

        I love your advice. I am in the process of becoming a single mom of two wonderful girls and I couldn’t agree more about not staying in a relationshp that isn’t right. You never get married hoping to get divorced it’s just sometimes what happens. I’m currently living with my parents until some financial issues get cleaned up but I am eager to get a place for me and my girls and enjoy my 30′s will turn in April. Life is to short to live unhappy and like you said the right person will come along and want to be with YOU and love you for YOU! Thanks Ali for this and all the commentors you make being 30 and single no matter the reason not so scary!!!

        - Shantel

  99. Oh thank God there are others like me out there!! Because they are certainly not my friends–as they are all married, pregnant, and giving me advice. I HATE the phrase “You’ll be fine-you’ll meet someone, you got everything going for you”. Really? You don’t know that…nobody knows if IT will happen for me. It might never and that is always on my mind nowadays..

    - Mel

    • What I have always enjoyed is the people who have not been single for perhaps more than a few months since they were teenagers (or even better, people who have been coupled up with the same person since they were in their very early 20s) telling me “oh, that great person is right around the corner, it’s totally gonna happen for you; I thought I would never find The One and omigod I totally did!!!!” Um… single mom of three who turned 36 this past July. Not at all the same scenario as you when you were, what, 21?! I’m sort of, maybe seeing someone right now; have been single for most of my adult life and am now having a rough time accepting that I may have found a partner. I’m not complaining, don’t want to be that irritating girl whining about how hard it is to be in a new relationship. It’s just… different. I don’t trust easily at all now, and have been on my own for so long I can’t really fathom the concept of me being a part of a ‘we’. The single 30s is really so different from the 20s.

      - Adri

  100. Thank you for this! I’m 30 and single, and this is just SO incredibly refreshing to see!! Love it and can’t wait to read more of your blog!

    - Rita

  101. This is fantastic!! Great to hear someone else with the same positivity and love for where life has taken me. We seem to have similar stories too. I spent my 20s having fun and travelling the world, numerous good and bad dating experiences, tried the online dating which I really disliked! Now am happily enjoying the last few days of my 20a before I jump into my 30s with as much enthusiasm as I did my 20s, starting off with a trip to marrakech with 4 great friends! It puzzles me the pity people seem to have about women our age who are single, I’m happier, healthier,stronger and more appreciative of life than I’ve ever been and than a lot of my married friends are. Big love xx

    - Emily

  102. I’m writing this as a single guy. Single as in I-do-have-a-girlfriend-and-I-will-be-popping-the-question-in-the-future-but-for-now-it’s-just-me-and-MY-pup. And, I’ve got to say that you are doing the right things because you are creating a life that you love. When the stars align, you’ll have a great someone to share this great life that you have created for yourself.

    At least, that’s my sappy perspective.

    - Ruben

  103. I love this. Thank you for being brave and writing about being single, no matter how scary it is to put online. I try to be sensitive to the emotions that my married friends have when dealing with fertility issues and getting no where… well, the same is true when you’re single and everyone just wants to help. After a while it can really wear a person down. I know my friends and family are just trying to be supportive with their comments, but it always makes me feel worse about my “situation”, When in reality, this is probably some of the best times of my life.

    I just stumbled on this site from your Savory Pumpkin Dip on Pinterest btw. I also live in KC – do you attend any formalized blogger meet-ups? I’ve tried a couple groups here, but haven’t really clicked with any…

    - Stephanie

  104. Thank you so much for writing this post, Ali!! I’m just a couple months shy of turning 30, and I’m still very much single. It seems EVERYONE around me is getting married and having kids, and I’m…well… I’m not. Sometimes I feel so alone in this “30 and single” sisterhood. Your blog posts make me realize I’m not alone, and it’s okay to embrace my singleness despite all the social pressures around me to be in a relationship.

    - Theresa

  105. Thank you! Just turned 30 on oct 5th and completely single. Been in one major relationship (engagement, house etc..) and I’m totally not a dater. I love this blog and it’s refreshing to see other gals and guys in the same boat. Like you, I’ve embraced it but some days it would be nice to have someone. ;)

    - Bonnie

  106. Thank you for this blog!

    - Stephanie

  107. Hey Ali,

    So I kinda googled this topic after attending a cousins wedding yesterday ( which put me in a somewhat reflective mood, the way weddings do at this age) and I came across your blog. Have to say I’m glad to have stumbled across it. Loved your point of view and completely related to the entire article. It was like you were voicing the thoughts in my head.

    I’m 28, completely single (the rsvp-for-one kind, the way you aptly put it) and I have to admit it has been constantly at the back of my mind. Like a cocktail of emotions on rewind – sometimes glad you have your freedom and no screaming babies to deal with, sometimes calm and savoring all the memories of the present, sometimes filled with the urgency to change the fact that you’re single to appear more ‘normal’, most times a toss up between living in oblivion or embracing the current fact.

    Anyways, just wanted to thank you for sharing your point of you. It was comforting and inspiring and completely relatable. Looking forward to reading more from the series! Cheers.

    P/S – I love lists too!

    - Hanna Abraham

  108. I’ve noticed not many men have responded which i suppose i dont find strange. Im 30 no kids and single and sort of feel like any hint of wanting a relationship is being desperate at this point. After all love is just supposed to happen right, so trying makes me look unhappy. Which as you said nobody wants to be that person. I love my life and have alot of good friends and hobbies but try to portray an image of “im good being single”. Which to me seems like a double edge sword because that may turn people away?

    - Luke

  109. Ali – thank you thank you thank you, for these words. As an almost 25 year old put your hands up for Beyonce breed of single, I love how willing you are to be honest and happy with single. And you’re right – barring Annie Downs putting her singledom out there last year, I’ve yet to see many truthful blogs on single ladies.

    Can’t wait to see the rest!

    PS: another perk of single life? no one else eats the rest of the caramel apple cinnamon rolls…..all for me. :)

    - Chelsie

  110. Thanks for having the courage to write this. I’m 27 and single. I’m pretty much assuming that this is the way it’s going to be. And I hate it. I haven’t sat around and moped about it. I’ve gone to grad school, landed a good job, etc. But I don’t get how anyone can feel FULFILLED living this way.

    - Linda

  111. Thank you! I am 26 and single, and in all the blogs, I constantly read/see their over-the-top kiss-kiss photos with their new-be husband and cutesy date-nights… I don’t want to be married, and after a recent 10-minute relationship, I realized: hell, I love my freedom. I don’t want or need to be attached to a man.

    - laura

  112. I just recently started blogging about my own singledom. It’s a scary thing putting that out there for all the world to see, being transparent and fully honest about what being single is like in 2013, but I figured it would be a way to get around the giant elephant in the room when I get together with my married friends. Plus I hoped it could help others to understand where I’m currently coming from. So I 100% relate to this post (actually I’m pretty sure it could have been written by me!) and would love to continue the conversation you’ve started. Feel free to check out my blog, http://www.breething.com.

    - Bree

  113. Love this! Thanks for this, for throwing it out there. There is not much talk about being single online and definitely not in a positive way. I too had thought my life would be different then it is now. And even though I miss warm arms to snuggle up to, I love my life and I’m so DARN PROUD of how far I’ve come on my own. And that is something that definitely needs to be out there too. Looking forward to the rest of the series and keep on being awesome xx

    - luthien

  114. Ali-

    Seriously this is such a wonderful idea. I totally agree with you; most of the food bloggers out there are married, “settled-down”, have families… yada yada… so I love that you are stepping into a vulnerable space to be real, be you, and provoke some good thoughts and conversations.

    I am 25 and used basically have been single the whole way through (we won’t count those I guess I have a boyfriend, but this will only probably last a few months because, let’s face it, we aren’t meant for each other, but it’s fun and casual for the time being). Until the beginning of this year, I felt all of the same emotions that you wrote about…going through the ups and downs of being single. Only about 2 years ago, after a switch to a spirit-filled church, did I really get what it means to really ENJOY and be content with the season of life I am in. I finally stopped (secretly, but desperately) searching for “The One”. Then my current boyfriend showed up at the scene, totally orchestrated by God, and now I don’t see us turning back.

    When we are truly content with what season of life we are in, when we learn to respect the process of going through a trial, when we totally understand that our identity is in Christ and we are loved unconditionally by Him, then get ready…God always has perfect timing and will send your man over your way.

    Brave girl!

    - Chrissy

  115. LOVE your idea for this blog! I was just griping the other day about being single and despising dating (and the dating scene). So I am with you on this journey and fully supportive! Like you, my philosophy is to participate in life which leads to very full-filling days and exciting adventures most of the time, but I still get those “I-wish-I-were-sharing-this-with-a-significant-other” moments. Can’t wait to read more!

    - Kristen

  116. I can’t wait to read the rest of this series! As someone who will be 30 in the coming months (and frankly, is dreading it) I’m hoping this will give me perspective. That i’m not the only one out there and there is nothing wrong with me. Being from a small Kansas town and watching nearly everyone in my circle become not single has become difficult. I’m happy for them but it is difficult. To read that your experience is so similar is almost comforting in a way. Thank you Ali for writing about it!

    - Amanda

  117. Love this post. I’m passing the link along to my two older children who are in their twenties and still very much single. I met my husband by calling the wrong number years ago! We ended up talking forever that night and have been together ever since! Love finds us in the least-expected of moments and in the most-perfect of moments in our lives. I love that you’re willing to put yourself out there through this and upcoming posts on the topic. I’ve followed your blog for quite some time and am looking forward to reading more on this subject … even though I’m not single. :) Blessings!

    - Angela from Joyously Domestic

  118. This is awesome, in so, so many ways. Thank you for posting! Look forward to future posts.

    - Kate

  119. I will be your 32-and-single-and-happier-than-ever-but-still-badly-hoping-to-get-married-fellow-food-blogger friend! This was an awesome post. I related to every single word of it! I’ve always just assumed I would get married, and it really never occurred to me until fairly recently that it just might not happen. I truly am happy, and much of what I love about my life (the freedom to go out with my friends no matter what, the freedom to eat frosting with a spoon for dinner, and the freedom to watch a New Girl marathon without anyone trying to switch to the Speed Channel) is directly related to being single. But there definitely is something missing, and I notice it more acutely sometimes than others.

    So here’s to both of us, and the men of our dreams hopefully waiting right around the corner!

    - Jess

  120. it’s not a bad club to be in, i like to call it the “travel wherever i want, but whatever i want, and see my family at every holiday” club :)

    - maria

  121. Hi Ali!

    I tremendously enjoyed reading your post and am looking forward to your new series! I completely agree with you, this is a topic that would be great to talk about in a bright, realistic and cheerful way. There are things to be enjoyed in life and be happy about even if you are single! I just recently transitioned from the single decade of my life to the fresh in a couple-dom, but since it’s all so new I easily identify myself with the things you mentioned (attending weddings alone, witnessing friends and loved ones finding love and getting married, going on dates – some awful some nice).

    So thank you, finally someone who talks about issues we have/had! :-)

    - Stella

  122. You are about to get some serious feedback on this. I appreciate your honesty, vulnerability, and articulation. I’ll be sure to tune in.

    - Amanda

  123. I’m nearing 30 (27 to be exact) and still single. As someone biologically unable to have kids, that makes being single even harder! But I’m so glad that you’re writing this series. I can’t wait for some good bad date stories!

    - Maggie

  124. This is a brilliant idea Ali! I’m currently 22 and single and am already starting to get the “So when are you going to settle down” questions! So it really gives me hope that I can be happy and live a fulfilling single life down the road, if need be! Cannot wait to see the coming posts :) x

    - Cassie @ The Aussie Kitchen

  125. LOVE this new series, and so thankful to see a joyful, yet hopeful, Christian perspective on this topic. While I am happily married I have some truly incredible single friends and would love to share this with them and also get insights into them. Also, good for you for being “picky”, ain’t nothing wrong with that :)

    - Anna (Hidden Ponies)

  126. Thank you so much for sharing! As someone who is also 30 and single I can’t wait for future posts and discussions!

    - Julie

  127. So happy to read this series! Thanks for doing this and celebrating being happy, successful, and single! Too many blogs whine about it but it’s worth enjoying!

    - Gabbi

  128. This is a fabulous idea, Ali! I love your attitude, it is so refreshing. I’m about to turn 30 in a few days and so I have a lot of friends the same age that are single and some of them are so incredibly negative and bitter.

    - Stephanie @ Eat. Drink. Love.

  129. Oh my goodness! I loved this post! As a close to 30 and still single girl, who would love to be married and having babies, but it hasn’t happened for various reasons, it’s refreshing to know that I’m not some weirdo like some of my married friends seem to make me out to be. I’m excited to share in this journey!

    - Elin

  130. Ali!!!! I honestly love you! (Sang that.) You are absolutely the most marriable single girl I know. (Picky does not = High Maintenance.) I’m sure you won’t be single much longer, and that will be one lucky man! I’m just glad you are enjoying the ride, most days. BIG HUGS!

    - Sommer@ASpicyPerspective

  131. Loved your post! I agree, it’s quite different being single at your 20-something than your thirties. And I also know what it is like to have your friends getting married (and having your high-school and uni classmates all posting pictures on FB of their weddings and now babies!)
    Congrats on having such a positive approach! I believe that one should be happy and feel blessed with one’s life as a single person and if God brings along the right person, then that would be adding to your happiness!
    And you are not picky, it only makes sense that you choose well what you want for your life.
    I look forward to reading more of your posts and thanks for sharing! :)
    @ Christina {Dessert for Two} I loved your phrase: “looking for a life partner to make life even better than it already is”.

    - Bella @DomingosGourmet

  132. Ali, I’ve looked up to you in so many ways through college and through your blog. I can tell God has truly blessed my knowing you! I’m excited about this new series and growing and being encouraged through it.

    - Kayla Drake

  133. Can’t wait to read more on this series, Ali. I can relate to so many of the things you said in this post, and I am a singleton among many married/attached friends and family. The dating world is difficult to navigate these days! At least in my experience. Looking forward to reading more!

    - Amanda @ Once Upon a Recipe

  134. AMEN!! very well said and i appreciate you sharing your heart. i’m 39 and single and it can be tough because this just isen’t how i imagined my journey would go and pride prevents me from speaking about it to anyone other then family basically. …and all my family is married so as you can imagine…i’m not always understood. i look forward to seeing/reading other posts. SMILES!

    - kristine

  135. I absolutely love that you are doing this! As a fellow single girl who is just about 30, I can’t wait to have a place to come and share my thoughts about it!

    - Cara

  136. Awesome. So awesome. I will be following along.

    - Sarah

  137. You rock. This is so very well done. I am impressed and inspired! Again, you rock :) I have so much love and respect for you and am excited to watch your story unfold. Just don’t get famous and move away from us ;)

    - Cass

  138. This is a great series and I can’t wait to read more. I met Adam when I was 31, and while I had times of loneliness or doubt leading up to that, I had such great times, and adventures, and moved wherever I wanted a few times over. I wouldn’t trade that time for anything! It’s so important for us to learn to be present in the moment, and not so easily duped into the lie of “I’ll be happy when…” because that is a constantly moving target! Be happy now! Bravo, Ali!

    - E

  139. Earlier you said you were picky…don’t sell yourself short! We all have to weed through the frogs to get to our prince, so to speak. In all honesty, it’s not being picky, it’s knowing what you want after so many dates with so many random guys! After meeting with most of these people you learn about your likes and dislikes. No worries, someone will come your way when you least expect it!

    - B

  140. I’ll be following along! As someone who is almost 50 and has never been married, I’ve come to embrace my singleness. Sure there are times that I think what if (and why, God?), but I’ve learned to be content with myself and find dating at this point to almost be harder than being single. I like to think that God made me for singleness and I have to find my purpose in that. Can’t wait to read more from you!

    - Terri A.

  141. You’re a single person who has purpose in life and a zeal to live it to the fullest, you are a Christian, and you are 30+—- wait a second, HIGH FIVE! It’s so cool you live in KC, as do I. I have many friends like myself, in their late 20′s and early 30′s that are in the same “single status” boat. It is so refreshing to talk openly about our desire and value for marriage, while at the same time not moaning about our current single state. Yeah, I have days where I think it pretty much stinks. But there are more days where I realize the world is at my fingertips, I can really do anything… and that is really exciting.

    - Jenn

  142. I’m looking forward to this! I have thought about writing about my single life too. But shied away for a ton of reasons including privacy. Maybe I will join in this discussion on my own blog.

    - Kelster

  143. I am the ONLY cousin in my family over the age of 18 that does not have a kid. THE ONLY ONE. And I have over 40 cousins. And I’m an only child, so there is tons of pressure at family reunions. At 32, I am in no rush or hurry. I think about my future husband and our beautiful brown sugar babies often, but I am not in a rush…

    - Nikki @NikSnacks

  144. As the mom of a 26 yr old single woman, I’ll be watching these posts eagerly. She has gone the eharmony route and currently, like you, is not dating or even thinking about dating anyone. As a Christian, she has certain standards she wants and so far no one she has met has even come close to them. All of her friends are married or getting married and as time goes by she feels less and less in common with them. What she REALLY wants to do is travel and I’m all for it. I would have loved to have to courage to plan her life the way she has. Marriage is in her someday but right now she has too many other plans to be worried about it. Can’t wait to read the rest of the series.

    - Bette

  145. Thank you for your openness! I’m 37 and single with no dates on the horizon, and very few single friends. I’ve spent plenty of money on eHarmony, Christian mingle, match.com, american singles, you name it! Almost everyone at my church gets married immediately after college (most went to my small Christian college alma mater which is right across the street from church…) and begin popping out babies right away. While I love my married friends, with and without kids, it’s often hard to find common ground. They don’t truly understand my life and my struggles, and I don’t really understand theirs. It took a long time, but I am finally content in being single. That doesn’t mean I don’t still have moments where the loneliness and need for a companion doesn’t hit me hard. It’s a subject I don’t talk about often because the response I usually get is that I’m so lucky I can do whatever I want and don’t have to worry about family responsibility, or that I just need to be patient and God will provide. I am truly looking forward to reading more about what you have to say. I’m pretty I will be nodding and agreeing with every post!

    - Yvonne

  146. wow..i loved your post for the boldness and positive outlook.
    You beat me on this post..i have always wanted to write a post on being single and loving the solo life..How society looks up at you, how much peer pressure you have..i have always felt marriage is just a part of life..you can’t just compare your life to others happily married. I have reached a point where i started ignoring the people who try to pass on their pity to me. I look forward to your posts on this. Yo go girl !!

    - vnila

  147. As a mother of a current single and one who at 35 married for the first time, I really appreciate this insight. I knew when these 2 left for college, neither having ever dated, their experiences would be vastly different from mine as they were through high school. I would try to imagine how life was for them at different times, but with no personal experience, marrying while in college myself, I realized I really couldn’t.

    Both of them, like you, have been blessed with close single friends with whom they could share their feelings and I know that has been a huge gift. And like you, they embraced the single life and made the most of it. I’ve come to see there is a freedom to it that those of us who are married don’t have since there is always at least one ‘other’ we must always consider.

    I’m looking forward to more posts and insights. Thanks for being so brave and taking this on.

    - Gayle Mercer

  148. I have never seen a blog which has resonated with me so much! I past my 30th a while ago and like you have seen my family and friends (new and old) transition from being single to happily being in relationships. I just became an aunt for the first time (with my younger sister’s help!); and proudly show pictures and videos of my nephew to friends. My parents (after pestering me for years) have now almost given up asking me about my dating life.
    I have gone through the tumult of questioning myself, to questioning God’s plans, to questioning everything and reached a place of acceptance and peace. I still hope to marry, and have kids, either naturally or by adoption. But, if I am to transition from my currently HAPPILY single state, I need someone awesome enough to change my mind.
    I think that this is the hardest point to get across. Its not that I am picky, or hard to please; I am not looking for the “perfect” man, I haven’t given up on love, I am not lousy at relationships. In fact, all my relationships have ended amicably and have left me (and hopefully my exes) a better person. But for one reason or the other, it just hasn’t worked out for me. And I say this without self-pity or regret. It is just a fact. Like that I am 5’3″ and a brunette.
    I am so glad that you blogged about this. I think my favorite part is “Being single IS…
    …empowering, vulnerable, hopeful, respectful, honest, refreshing, straightforward, content, faithful, and REAL.”
    Thanks for having the courage to put it out there and good luck!!!

    - Sweta

  149. This is brilliant, just brilliant.
    Not single anymore, but navigated the waters of eHarmony and Match and would have loved this post and the ones to follow while I was doing so. Can’t wait to read what you write.

    - Ashley

  150. Great post and am looking forward to the series even though I have been married for 7 years. I actually had plans on being single for much longer than I was but I guess God had other plans. I love being married but loved being single as well.

    - Jamie

  151. so much love and respect for you! i’m obviously far from single, but excited to read this and pass it along to some of my single friends!

    - natalie@thesweetslife

  152. Your are so freakin adorable I don’t know how your not beating men off with sticks, literally, but then maybe you are and they’re all losers, lol. You’ll know when the right one comes around. I found mine really young, but I think it was pure luck. We all have our own paths. And it’s more than okay if you don’t give some fantastic on paper guy the time of day because it doesn’t feel right, you know! Right before I got married a friend was trying to pressure me into this other “perfect on paper, rich guy” He was handsome, loaded, interested in me and perfect, for someone else that is. I kept what I knew was right.

    - Angie

  153. Sooo looking forward to your posts! :)

    - Misty

  154. I can’t wait to read more about this series. I love your reasons for doing this and really admire your courage for wanting to have a conversation about this topic. Now I just need to figure out how to not miss any of these posts…my email subscription only alerts me of the food!

    - Zainab @ Blahnik Baker

  155. I saw your preface to this on IG yesterday and can’t even begin to tell you how excited I am that you are doing this series!! Getting ever closer to the big 3-0 mark and being so so so single is definitely an experience. Especially when you are the last of 2 girls in your friends to be single. I agree that it’s hard to talk with friends who aren’t single and that it seems like every blog I read is written by someone married/engaged/in a relationship. It’s incredibly refreshing to see this post and I can’t wait to keep up with this series!!

    - Emily {Pink Tiger in the Kitchen}

  156. This sounds like a great new series! I’m actually on the other side of the coin. All my life I assumed that I’d stay single – you know, date occasionally but always have my own place, go where I want when I want, be able to cook ridiculous food in pajamas while singing to Disney/90′s pop music (my biggest vice), live the “single professional” life – but life just hasn’t turned out that way, and I’m still not quite sure how I feel about it. So while you and I are at different places in our lives, the part about not living the life that you assumed would happen really resonates with me, and I’m excited to read more about the single life and enjoying where you are even if it wasn’t where you thought you’d be.

    So thanks for being so open and honest about where you are in life, I can’t wait for more! :)

    - Mallory

  157. wow, Ali! so proud of you for doing this! honestly, it’s nice to get perspective on what it’s like on the other side of the relationship spectrum and it’ll be really refreshing to read!! what an awesome idea and you’re hilarious! go you!

    - Julie @ Table for Two

  158. I may not be single but I loved reading this. It’s absolutely wonderful to hear someone talk about being single and NOT include a ton of whining about how awful it is. <3 reading, can't wait for more!

    - Angie | Big Bear's Wife

  159. A friend passed on this blog post, and all I have to say is, oh girl, I am SO there. I turned 30 three days ago, and like you I spent most of my 20s furiously single. I’m so happy with my life right now though and while I do want to get married and have ALL the babies someday, that day is not today. I’m looking forward to more of your posts. (Food blogging apparently is a lot like book blogging – all the marrieds and little ole single me).

    - Rachel

  160. Ali, This is fantastic. I love that you decided to do this, and I know it will be a blessing to lots of people all across the spectrum of singleness and relationships. I especially love number 3! That is so needed! I went to a tiny Christian school also and the culture and language around dating and marriage verged on the ridiculous at times. No cliches…just honesty. LOVE IT! (And I can’t stop laughing about pre-stalking. That is awesome).

    - Courtney @ Neighborfood

  161. I absolutely love this series. I am in my mid thirties, recently divorced single mom, but this post is so refreshing and hilarious and I can’t wait to see/read more.

    I commend you for being so open and honest, it’s not an easy thing, but you are doing an amazing job!!! Congrats!!!!

    - JT @ The Faux Foodie Girl

  162. I am really looking forward for these series Ali because all my friends and cousins are married and are already having babies while I am no where close to that. Although I am in no rush for all that, it sometimes sucks to be looked by people as if something is really wrong with you..

    - dixya| food, pleasure, and health

  163. I was pleasantly surprised when I came across this in my rss reader (I’m a reader of your food blog). Point #7 is dead on, you start to think your the last single person out there. I’m single, and painstakingly close to 30. Can’t wait to read future posts on this subject!

    - Amy

  164. I’m so excited about this series. I wish we lived closer so we could gab about being single together. Reading this post felt like I was reading about my own life! Cheers to you for putting it out there in such a fun way. Sometimes I feel like folks think being single in your 30s is a disease. Looking forward to more posts!

    - Leah | So, How's It Taste?

  165. I think I’m going to love this series Ali – I may not be single but I think I’m going to learn a whole lot about how to get to know and love myself and find it so empowering. Good on you for writing it! xx

    - Kathryn

  166. Wow. Ok, I know I’m going to love this series.

    I’m a newly wed, and I’m 29. I definitely watched all of my friends get married before me. Especially since I’m from the South, where people start getting married at 18. No joke, my best friend from highschool had 4 kids BEFORE I even met my husband.

    I will tell you: I miss being single sometimes. The prospect that each day could be something great and different is exciting.

    But I mostly want to tell you that I think there’s a strong difference in ‘wanting to be married’ and ‘looking for the man to spend your life with.’ Wanting to be married is a societal status. To say “I’m married” or toss the word ‘husband’ around in your daily conversations is a superficial thing. Wanting to spend your life with someone great who will encourage you and make you a better person is a whole different thing. It’s the good thing.
    So, I know you don’t want advice from married people, but I think you should look at it as looking for a life partner to make life even better than it already is. Something about looking for a husband is cheap.

    I know you’ve heard it a million times, but you are BEAUTIFUL, talented and have such a great outlook on life. You are a serious catch. I KNOW you’ll be married someday. So, enjoy this time (I know you already are).

    Thanks for sharing, Ali! :)

    - DessertForTwo

  167. Hi Ali, I happened to stumble upon your blog and it couldn’t have come at a better point in my life. I’m turning 30 this weekend and am single as well. You are brave for sharing your thoughts and I can’t wait to read more from you! :)

    - Kristin

  168. Although I’m not single I totally agree with you, it’s worth sharing and needs to be talked about. It’s better to be alone than waste time with the wrong person so we are not labeled “single / abandoned / whatever”. It’s not a label, it’s a choice. Until we feel that we’ve found the right person, you just keep on your own. You enjoy life with your friends, your hobbies, your rules. and sometimes that is so great!
    I live with my partner for more than 6 years now, but both of us like to keep our individuality, like going out with our friends, having our own moments alone, and that’s something we should never forget

    - MissLilly

  169. I am SO pumped to read this series! I admire your boldness and know this will be awesome.

    - Madison

  170. quite the opposite of you, i find myself 30 years old and in my first serious relationship! i still enjoyed reading this very much, as it’s how i’ve felt for many years. i’ll be paying attention! :)

    - grace

  171. LOVE it!
    Thank you for that!!

    - Larissa

  172. Super excited for this, I am pushing 28 and am single and I decided dating wasn’t for me along time ago, can’t wait to read your perspective and experiences.

    - Ashley

  173. Ali, I think this is a great idea! I am 30, single, and a christian as well :) Looking forward to reading more!

    - Michelle

  174. I’m a 36 year old single with fairly similar sounding experiences. Nothing makes me giggle (and often frustrates!) me more than people not ‘getting’ the single life. I often get the ‘oh, you’ve given up’ sad conversations from married friends who just don’t get how great a life it is! I look forward to reading more of your adventures! There is more to life than simply finding a man, and I’m hoping to read more about your thoughts on that!

    - Cleo

  175. Love this! As a 25 year old who worries about turning into a crazy dog lady everyday I can relate and can’t wait to read more

    - Cati

  176. Ali, I LOVE that you’re writing this! I love every single part of this post. WAY TO GO! This is going to do SO much good for SO many people. WAY TO BE BRAVE!!!

    - Emily

  177. I loved reading your post and i can’t believe you are single- you are gorgeous! I love your food blog as well, look forward to more posts. You are very brave to put your feelings out there and thanks for writing so honestly!

    - Tania

  178. You’re possibly my new hero. I’ve spent almost the past year being single-ish & I could relate to everything you were saying. Being single sucks some days – and others it’s awesome. I can’t wait to read more (and feel empowered to write about being single myself!)

    - Cassie

  179. I can’t believe there are not 400 men who have not left their phone number on this post! Mr. Right is out there and he will find you and you him. Such a great post Ali!!

    - Cathy Pollak ~ Noble Pig

  180. I love you for this! Your heart is one of the biggest I know and I love that you are pouring it t here. I can’t wait for more! Xoxo

    - Cassie

  181. I can’t wait for this series Ali!! I loved so many things about being single, but I have also loved so many things about being married – I think there is a delicate balance to enjoying both of those times and roles of your life. Ben is perfect for me because I feel independent and single (minus the wild nights at the bar and being hit on by creeps), yet still together enough to be married and love every minute with him. It’s such a beautiful balance and totally fulfilling. I know you’ll find your perfect package and it will be everything you dreamed.

    - Megan {Country Cleaver}

  182. GREAT post.

    - Rob Webster

  183. Great post. It’s interesting for me to read because I an married and yet most of the people I spend my time with are single, so sometimes I feel like the odd man out…not saying this is negative in any way but I do find it ironic at the least! But it also leads me to want to push back on your comment about married people not having the right to talk about single hood…are not everyone’s past experiences equally valuable? Maybe I just need to hear more about what you mean by that….either way, great post and I’m obsessed with those photos!

    - Maureen

    • Gah – poorly (and kind of snarkily) said. Really sorry about that. I went in and edited the last point. Single people certainly aren’t the only ones to have the “right” to talk about singleness — I support that for absolutely anyone. I think sometimes it’s just helpful to talk about the subject with people who are currently single, versus those who were at some point in the past. Different needs on different days. But I’m ALL for talking about the topic with married friends, and think that is way needed to balance and give perspective to the conversation. Especially when those married friends are cool, and sensitive, and encouraging about the topic (like someone I know).

      Thanks again!

      - Ali

      • Maux, my thoughts on this topic are briefly this: someone who got married at twenty-four doesn’t understand what it means to be single at thirty-four. Being single in your twenties is waaaay different than still being single in your thirties. And, even being single again is different than a continuous experience of singleness. That said, everyone experiences some amount of singleness and can relate on a basic level. But I find it to be a common misconception that people who married young think they can “totally relate” to older single people. I disagree, but then, I’ll never be able to relate to that experience of being married young. It’s all good.

        - bet

        • Thanks, ladies–I think we’re all on the same page now… the edits Ali made since last night (and our brief email convo) make a lot more sense and I find totally agreeable. ;) Thankful for you people. As a married person, I’ve learned a lot about singleness and it’s always an uplifting experience coming from you all.

          - maureen

  184. Ali! I’m so glad you’re writing this series. Spending your 20s getting to know yourself and spreading your wings is such a gift, isn’t it??
    Ps tried the biscoff ice cream. Fab.u.lous.

    - Kate

  185. Ali – I admire you for putting it out there. After meeting you at the Dole event, I know you are a great catch and the Mr. Right is out there. I was 30 and single and shortly after that, I found my Mr.Right. I can only imagine that your Mr. Right is out there and you will find him soon. Great post!

    - Lisa {AuthenticSuburbanGourmet}

  186. Hi Ali,

    I really appreciate you putting this all out there. I see you as a vibrant, confident, and fulfilled woman. I hope that others will find encouragement here.

    Also, I’m married (to a rather picky eater) with a toddler at home, too. Is this the right place to say that I’m often jealous of the beautiful things you get to cook and not have rejected in favor of pizza rolls?

    - Rachelle

  187. A friend of mine sent me a link to your facebook page and I found this post! I turn 35 in a couple months and I am single. I love being single and have a tendency to fall into the camp of glorifying singlehood. I don’t know if I will marry. I think I may secretly want to, but if I verbalize it I will then it will make it real. I think that is why I may glorify singlehood; I use it as a defense mechanism.

    - Karen

  188. What a fun and honest series! Can’t wait to follow along!

    - Chelsea

  189. I just love you! You won’t be single for long! Not only are you gorgeous but you are one of the best people I know! Some guy is going to be very lucky! You are as good as they come! And until you find Mr. Right you can watch Coach Taylor and Tim! : ) xo

    - Maria

  190. I love this post Ali, a lot. It takes so much courage to talk about the things that just aren’t talked about online, so props to you for doing it! I’m excited to read your series!

    - Dorothy @ Crazy for Crust

  191. I’m glad to see someone else is writing about embracing being single instead of dwelling on it. Can you please comment on “But wait you are so awesome, how are you single!?” That drives me nuts! As a 31 year old I’m content I don’t have to change diapers, worry about others but rather I can volunteer, travel, explore all while not being selfish (another common thing u hear single)!

    I’m patiently awaiting future posts!

    - Marie

  192. Ali, you are awesome! And so cute!!

    I may only be 19 (gonna be 20 soon!), but I am single and cannot wait to read more post!

    - Tieghan

  193. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I especially love the line about writing about being single from a non-bitter perspective. Being single is about enjoying your life for what it is at the moment, not about waiting for that “right” person to come along. I’ve done some awesome things in my 20′s and with a 30th birthday right around the corner, I look forward to continued awesomeness! And yes, I would love to have someone to share that with, but not at the risk diminishing what I’ve built for myself. I look forward to this series!

    - Tracy | Pale Yellow

  194. Love. This. Post. I’ve been married for four years now and I can still glean so much from this series — most of all learning to be comfortable in my own skin whatever my external circumstances. You are inspiring, Ali! Go, girl! :)

    - Stephanie @ Girl Versus Dough

  195. Super excited about this! 33…single…Christian…and tired of people not understanding what it’s like to be mid thirties and single!

    - Amanda

  196. Thanks for sharing this! I’m in my early 30s, single and recently left a city where I had many single girlfriends and loved my single life to a city where I feel like I’m the last singleton standing. It’s been difficult reminding myself what I loved about being single when constantly surrounded by couples. This post helps – looking forward to reading more.

    - Mel

  197. Now imagine how you’ll feel if you’re in this same boat at 36! That’s the boat I’m in and it doesn’t get any easier, I’ll tell ya!! I used to live in KC, we should have had drinks sometime… maybe the next time I’m there for a visit. I’ll be following this blog with lots of interest!!!! Thanks for sharing your feelings, it helps to know I’m not the only one.

    - Erin

  198. Ali, I love this. And those pictures?! Girl you are so freakin’ cute!

    - Des

  199. You are adorable and I love this. Looking forward to more posts!

    - dana

  200. Yes. :) love this.

    - Sara

  201. I got married right after graduating college (I just turned 30 in May too!) and met my husband 11 years ago so I’m looking forward to what you have to say. I love my husband to death and wouldn’t have it any other way but I’ve wondered what it would be like to be in your shoes. So, thank you for putting yourself out there (so to speak) and I’ll be watching for your next post!

    - Jennifer G

  202. All I can say is thank you for writing this! I have a feeling reading your blog is going to be really good for me, especially since I’m at that point where I’m soon to be the only one of my friends who is single. So keep it up, and thanks again :)

    - Sarah

  203. Now that this is published with those adorable photos of you… I give it 2 months and you’re no longer single. ;)


    - Nikki @Seeded at the Table

  204. I love this, thanks for being real and sharing your heart! I am one of the single ones and so I can relate to so much of this post. I love your upbeat attitude and appreciate your point of view. Looking forward to this series!

    - Laura (Tutti Dolci)

  205. Hi Ali, I am so amazed and glad to read about your personal situation. I am 29.5 (almost there) and single and although not a blogger but have been following food/decor blogs for quite a long time and you are right how you are one of the few single bloggers out there. I appreciate you putting your personal life out there and I look forward to reading more of your blog and new series. Continue being as awesome as you are!

    - Katya

  206. Thanks so much- your writing is wonderful.. I totally agree that single at 22 and 26 are completely different experiences. If you are looking for a funny read check out “The Curse of the Single Table.” Keep ‘em coming!

    - Julie

  207. Ali, you’re awesome. XO.

    - Bev weidner

  208. You are a brave girl indeed and I enjoyed reading your thoughts! I celebrated my 30th birthday as a single with no future guy prospects. I married the man I waited and prayed for by age 32. Hang in there. He could be right around the corner and while I waited and sometimes whined about being single, I am glad I waited until I was older. I too watched every friend get married (I lost count of my bridesmaid dresses) and start their families. I had time to do things for myself; career, school, friends, etc. first and become more financially stable and ready for marriage and family life! Life is good!

    - Rhonda

  209. Right ON! I loved 30!!! Also there are so many losers out there.. Hang tight and enjoy life.

    - Miriam Patel

  210. You go, girl! You’re right. Far too many people–especially in the church–care for singles, whether they’re suffering or silent or perfectly ok. As a Lutheran, I’m finishing up a book for Concordia Publishing House called “Hello. My Name Is Single.” that addresses many of the concerns you mention. So keep writing! Those of us who are called to this vocation of speaking on behalf of those who don’t want to or can’t have to stick together. :)

    - Adriane

  211. Ali,
    This is awesome! As a happy single person myself, I’m super excited to read more! I can’t even find the words to express my happiness about you taking on this subject and sharing that aspect of your life.

    - Ash

  212. Nice series. :) I am one of the majority bloggers (married) but interested in what you have to share.

    - Aly

  213. Love the post Ali :) 30 and single? No biggie….at least in my world. Take your time, enjoy the freedom, and when/if it time “he” will come along. Mean time, I look forward to the posts. Especially any date posts you might make. Love first date stories. I am, well, lets say 40+ and was single for years until recently so I KNOW what the dating scene is like and the horrors of some first dates. Bring em’ on girl :)

    - Hilary

  214. I still can’t believe you didn’t give Craig at Coyote Ugly a chance ;)
    Seriously will live this series!

    - Kristen

  215. Love it! I love gimmesomeoven. I am so glad that you decided to be personal. Thirty, flirty,and thriving!

    - Shannon

  216. Truly, thank you Ali! Looking forward to following this. How brave of you. :)

    - Molly

  217. ALI! I just love this post! I applaud you for your honesty and laying it all out there. It takes courage that I know I wouldn’t have. This post is like a breath of fresh air. Realness. Xo

    - Laurie {SimplyScratch}

  218. Hi, Ali! Thanks for sharing. I, too, am single at 28. I am also a Christian & was pleasantly surprised to find you are as well. I’ve really enjoyed your blog & have tried some of your delicious recipes. My story is a bit different, however, in that I’ve never had a boyfriend. The whole idea of actually dating someone is so foreign to me yet, for as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be a wife & mom. When I turned 25, I had to release the next 5 years to God, knowing I may very well not be married by the time I was 30 (& it’s looking more & more like that will be the case). Yet I am becoming more & more content in my circumstances as a single woman. Thank you for being willing to open up about this part of your life. I look forward to your future posts!

    - Janelle

  219. I am so happy to read this! I wish I had the courage as you do to blog about it! I can’t wait to read more!

    - Shannon

  220. I love it, Ali. You are such a joy to know and I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on the subject of being a singleton in this age!

    - Rebecca {foodie with family}

  221. I just love you! And lists, too! :) Loved reading this.

    PPS: Is that one of the things that married people aren’t supposed to say to single people? Probably but…umm…I dunno. I have no excuses.

    - Rachel Cooks

  222. What a brave, put-yourself-out-there post, Ali! You are an amazing woman who knows who she is and is not only funny, sweet and whip, but cute as all get-out.

    By the way, I think I remember a really cute, single avocado farmer in California that would be perfect for you. I’ll bet you could Google him. ;)

    - Cookin Canuck

  223. I heart you. I heart this post. I heart those photos. I heart every recipe you write. Can’t wait to read more! And PS I just sent this to my single 32 yo BFF who now also hearts you. :-)

    - Liz @ The Lemon Bowl

  224. I love this. Thanks for making single not the dirty word it is my family. I am not tired of everyone giving my their two cents as to what is wrong with me to being single with pup at 40..

    - Heather