30 and Single
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(Taptaptap. Ahem, is this thing on?)
Hi. My name is Ali, and I am 30 years old and single.
And call me crazy, but I’ve decided to blog about it.
Single
Now when I say single, let’s be clear — I mean single. The don’t-have-a-fiancee, don’t-have-a-boyfriend, actually-don’t-even-have-a-cute-crush-right-now-except-for-my-adorable-pup (although I promise I’m not that crazy dog lady), rsvp-for-just-one, set-the-thermostat-however-I-want, no-i’m-not-expecting-anyone, please-don’t-make-me-try-to-catch-the-freaking-bouquet, put-my-hands-UP-for-Beyonce kind of single.
This fact still feels a little surreal since I never would have guessed a decade go — heck, even a few years ago — that I would find myself single at 30. I have always hoped and wanted to eventually be married. And frankly I have lived most of my adult life assuming that marriage was inevitably just around the corner. After all, that’s how it seemed to happen for everyone else, right?
But I blew out 30 candles this past May. And while I did so genuinely loving my life more than ever, I definitely entered my thirties sans husband and very single.
Adventures In Dating
Don’t get me wrong, though. I’ve had plenty of times in my life when it wasn’t just MeMyselfAndI (and my dog).
In fact, I think it’s safe to say that over the years I have gone on a somewhat ridiculous number of set ups and and blind dates. (Ok, that last one’s a total lie – I am an expert Google pre-stalker for “blind” dates.)
I’ve learned the difference between EHarm and Match, filled out awkwardly bright and shiny profiles, and rolled my eyes while “shopping” photo after photo of shirtless, car-boasting, ex-girlfriend-partially-cropped-out, “tired-of-the-bar-scene”, “I-love-a-night-out-but-I-also-love-a-night-in” men.
I’ve dated guys halfway around the country. I’ve dated a neighbor on my old street. I’ve dated guys that I wanted to keep seeing again and again, and guys that I was more than happy to never see again. I’ve dated guys that gave me butterflies in my stomach and made me a better person, and guys that infuriated me and made me feel terrible about myself. I’ve dated guys that got my hopes up. And I’ve dated guys that made me want to stop hoping altogether.
But through it all (and maybe because of it all), I honestly came to conclude mid-twenties that I’m simply not much of a “dater”.
(Feel free to now officially label me as “picky”. It’s ok.)
Since then, for better and worse, I’ve been more selective about dating, which has led to hardly any dating in general. So I think it’s safe to say that I’ve spent the majority of my twenties with the strange label of being a single. (Or as the illustrious Bridget Jones would say, a singleton.)
8 Dresses
Meanwhile, I live smack in the heart of the Midwest. And attended a small Christian college. So it’s safe to say that wedding bells have been playing this past decade for (seemingly) just about everyone else around me.
A few fun facts:
- I have sung or played music in literally over 100 weddings (the virtues of being a musician and years spent working in a church)
- I have bridesmaided in 8 weddings (and
absolutelynever wore those dresses “again”) - I maid of honor-ed for my younger sister when she married her catch-of-a-husband four years ago (who happens to be the talented web designer of this site!)
- I just officially became the last single girl in my very large extended family when my cousin got married this summer (to a guy who won her heart by writing long-distance handwritten letters, true story)
Navigating all of those weddings while single is another post for another time. But I will say it has been nothing less than awesome to watch my friends grow to love and marry some wonderful people — especially those of my friends who find their spouses after years and years of waiting. (Those weddings are now some of my absolute favorite moments of the year – priceless.)
Some of those marriages have gone on to celebrate anniversaries and pregnancies and babies and more. And some dear friends have found themselves navigating the painful road of divorce. But my twenties were definitely a decade of lots of new relationships and marriages celebrated, and it has been a wild and mostly wonderful adventure.
Wishin’, and Hopin’, and Thinkin’, and Prayin’…
That said, when you’re not in a relationship most of the time, you have a lot of time to watch others’ relationships. And think about relationships. If I’m honest, being single is something I think about — in some way — every day of my life. It’s kind of hard not to.
Granted, the nature of those thoughts have evolved and changed and I would say improved in the last decade of singleness. As have the lists, books, prayers, conversations, and conversations, and conversations again that I’ve had about relationships. Because I will tell you that being single at 18 is very different from being single at 22. And at 25. And at 28. And at 30. And I have no doubt it will continue to be beyond.
…But Life Is Good. Like, I-Really-Mean-It-GOOD.
But like most important things in life, I have found a growing paradox to be true about singleness:
I still really hope to be married more than ever — albeit for different reasons than at age 22. But I genuinely love my life more than ever as it is — including the fact that I’m single, and in many ways, because of the fact that I’m single.
Yes, there have been lots of hard days. Some of them are painfully, despairingly, bitterly, question-the-core-of-who-you-are hard. The kind of days that threaten to turn you into that single person you do not want to be.
But I feel incredibly lucky to say that most of the days I have spent single have been exciting, empowering, and wonderfully full.
They have been full of rich experiences and adventures. They have been full of risks taken and lessons learned. They have been full of some really amazing jobs and launching a new business from scratch. They have been full of laughter and smiles and some of the best memories ever. And they have been full of really, really good friends and people along the way. And for that, I give some serious thanks.
Because I’m pretty sure the worst thing I could imagine would be meeting the guy of my dreams, and then telling him that I basically spent the last decade moping and waiting around for him. (Ugh. Please, please don’t let me ever be that girl.)
So…..
Call me crazy, but I’ve decided to bite the bullet and blog about being single. I have mixed thoughts about putting this side of my life “out there” on the big, wide, and very-public blogosphere for anyone from complete strangers to my family to former boyfriends to read. But I made a list of reasons why it seems like a good idea today. (So, um, please remind me of these tomorrow if I get cold feet and feel like hitting delete!)
7) I rarely see any other bloggers talking about being single.
Ok, maybe this is because I primarily spend my days reading food blogs. But in my experience meeting (and reading) nearly 200 food bloggers over the past year, about a whopping 3% of them are single. No exaggeration. When I go to conferences with hundreds of people, I’m one of the few single ones. I’ve been on 6 blogging press trips when I am the only single one.
Now amongst my friends and community here in KC, there are lots of super-cool single people I know. But in a blogosphere full with mom bloggers and wedding bloggers (who I love), I do notice a shortage of bloggers to relate to on this topic.
6) But it needs to be talked about!
I don’t know what I would do without my good friends around me who keep me sane, and have those conversations about being single again and again. But I’ve also met lots of people over the years whose friends have literally all gotten married, and they’re not really able to process the topic as freely — or at least relate to someone about what it’s like to currently be single anymore.
So if this series can in any way provide a glimpse of encouragement to anyone out there, awesome. Really awesome.
I was also talking about the series with my Dad, and he reminded me that as a longtime married guy (and as my dad), he would love to get some fresh insights into the the lives of his single friends. And I know that many other of you cool married folk might be in the same boat. So if this series can in any way provide that glimpse to all of you dating/engaged/married folks, doubly awesome!
5) Personally, I want to push myself out of my comfort zone.
I can talk about food online all day long. And I can talk about singleness and dating with my friends for hours.
But talking about singleness online? That’s a new one.
I’ve kept quite a bit of my personal life fairly private on my blog, and really only talk about relationships with trusted friends and family. But I haven’t been able to get the idea of writing a series about singleness off my mind lately. And sometimes in life, that seems to be a clue that it should at least be tried. So ready-set-go!! I’m hitting publish before I completely talk myself out of this series. :)
4) I would TOTALLY love to hear from you and have this be a conversation.
Whether you’re married, engaged, dating, divorced, widowed, and/or single. Young or old. Girl or guy. Whomever.
We all have stories to share and lots of experiences on the topic of being single, or knowing people who are single. And I would love more than anything to hear what everyone has to say so that we can (really!) learn from each other.
3) It’s time someone talked about being single in a way that IS NOT…
…whiny, bitter, depressing, man-hating, defensive, hopeless, rose-colored, or full of terrible Christian cliches or assumptions. (This, coming from a Christian.)
2) It’s time someone talked about being single in a way that IS…
…empowering, vulnerable, hopeful, respectful, honest, refreshing, straightforward, content, faithful, and REAL.
1) I’m writing this as a single.
Most single people probably won’t tell you this, but sometimes it can be hard when someone who recently just got married, or someone who was single at “some” point in their past, tries to give lots of advice how to live the single life. I totally respect and validate your experience being single in the past, and know that some of the best advice I’ve received about being single has been from my married friends. But sometimes it’s just nice to discuss the topic with people who are currently single.
So if nothing else, you can count me as someone talking about this from the “currently single” boat. I’ll let you know if that changes. But for now, all of this single talk is coming to you live! ;)
So Stay Tuned.
So there you have it. I promise more posts won’t be so all-about-me, but I did want to give a little background on where I’m coming from.
More posts coming soon! (Including some lists. I love lists!!!)
I have a handful of ideas on some posts on random topics related to singleness and dating to come. And I have a handful of friends who are different kinds of single and live it out in different ways that I look forward to having share. But if you have any requests, please let me know!! Funny, serious, stories, lists, advice, you name it. Just leave a comment or you can email me as well.
Ok, massively long post!!! I promise the next ones will be shorter.
Thanks for reading along! :)
Also, check out the other posts in this series including:
Hello!
I enjoyed reading your blog. I recently turned 26 and I have never not been single. Yes, I am one of those! I do get the occasional advances from men but not from those I am interested in. Well, I do get attention from a few I am interested in but I loose interest after finding out they are not single.
I don’t consider myself picky. I am not looking for someone perfect considering I am not perfect but I know what I want and I am not in a rush, hence, not willing to settle. What makes it hard is that other (married) people refuse to accept that it is okay for me to be single.I am learning not let their comments/stares/concerns affect my life. I make the most of being Single. I am rising in my career; I travel and move a lot; I have taken classes in Portuguese, Karate, and Acrylic Painting; and I save for my future family while planning my next adventure.
Having a guy in my life feels like having a glass of wine with my plate of spaghetti. The meal is good but might taste a little better with red wine.
To anyone single reading this: You might think you are the only one in your situation but you know deep down you are not. If you think you need to have someone around to be happy, think again. No one can make you happy except yourself. Also, the happier you are, the more likely you are to find someone who appreciates your glow (or so I heard) and while waiting for that person to arrive, you will be okay since you would already be happy. If you are thinking “Why should I listen to you? You are single,” my reply is “Would you listen to me if I wasn’t single?”
Cheers to us!!
I hear you.
A fantastic, honest blog with feelings that totally resonate with me. :-)
I’ve just starting blogging on a similar topic (mainly about travel and my seeming inability to grow up and be responsible) I’m also a thirty year old single (presumably for the reasons mentioned above!) and ebb and flow between how cool I am about it (In general I am not very cool; more Bridget-like). Maybe you could check it out and see what you think: I’d love to have a likeminded blogger on board.
You’ll find me at: https://30yearoldgirl.wordpress.com/ – just unwrapping everything from its bubblewrap and putting it on shelves.
I’ll marry you. You’re cute and you’re obviously very smart.
This was an amazing read and so relate able. I was in tears reading it. This Sunday I will be 31. I never had a boyfriend my entire life. It’s something that has terribly plagued me and more often than not broke my spirit. I can’t quite put my finger in the exact reason why. I have encountered many situations and failed attempts, which left me even more frustrated. I think what has frustrated me most is when people have said well God is waiting to send you the right person, but I look around and see people who are a mess married all the time lol. It’s a complicated thing, some are lucky in love and others are not. I just hate the feeling of getting use to being alone, use to not being noticed or desired. Singleness is hard, it’s ine of those things that is fun for a while but not meant to be fun for long periods of time.
Great post. The world needs this! Thank you for reaching out.
I read your blog. I have many similar experiences about being single…just add 8 years to my age. I am an independent, well educated successful woman who is 38. I NEVER thought about my life as a “single” while I was in my 20’s or even early 30’s. Not until ALL your friends are married with kids…some on their second marriage, do you start to question which path you took was the wrong one that lead you to the narrow path you are on. You write about how you just want to tell everyone about living life…and oh, by the way you are single…my strong encouraging message is to get yourself out of single by putting yourself in as many situations with opportunities to meet someone as possible. If not, you will end up 38 and single and helping your friends plan their kids birthday parties. I’m honestly not a bitter person and also love life…but this is a fact. Don’t do what is expected of you by everyone else, including your parents. Do what makes you happy and don’t wait till it is too late or almost too late.
Hey lady! A lot of what I just read on your intro here sounds really familiar! As a fellow single+30, I decided to start blogging about singles stuff at the beginning of last year. This is my first time on your site, and I can’t tell you how uplifting and blessed I am feeling to learn that there are other women like me out there (been in everyone else’s wedding, sang in many of them, attended a Christian college). I’ve included the link to my blog above, and you are welcome to read it if you’d like some commiseration and encouragement. (There are doses of both of these in most of my posts). Keep up the good writing. :)
Thank you for your blog. Seems to me currently that everyone around me is either dating, getting engaged, getting married, or having a baby. All except me. So it seems. To me I think it’s natural to want to find somebody in life. And that is what I want. But as for me currently it doesn’t seem to be happening. I think it’s important we keep ourselves busy. What are some ideas any of you singles have???
Hey I am 31 and newly single and would love to email you. I hear everything you are saying, if you want a single friends ear or email I am here
Cheers
Lindsay
Wow, I couldn’t tell you about how on the same page you and I are. Keep being awesome! …I just turned 30 as well, and totally on the same page in the first part of the blog. Thanks! I feel even better about it. Only thing I would love to type more, but for some reason my keyboard lagging behind! Have a great year!!!
I love this my dear. I chose the same life a year ago and am a happy single at 23
I’m single too. And 31, great blog!!
This was so encouraging to read! I’m a 22 yr old who has forever been single (i.e. whole life). I’m a senior in nursing school in a small southern town where my classmates are married, engaged, or already having children. The comments of “how are you still single” or “you’re just too good a catch for someone” have quickly become old! It’s nice to read a humorous perspective from someone who was truly single (congrats on the new guy!). I’m just ready to graduate and start my “adult” life somewhere not in the deep south. There is so much more to being in a relationship, and I’m quickly growing tired of being surrounded by the engaged or married when they haven’t even experienced life outside of college.
I’m merely 24, but being a Christian southern all I hear is “You’re 24 and not married,” as if I’ve personally offended God. I’m looking forward to reading through your blog and taking something new from it. It’s nice to see a positive outlook on the single life as I have found it liberating and hope to hold onto this freedom for a while.
Whoa, thanks for writing about this topic! I’ve had couple of relationships in my 32 years, but I always return to being just me. I do feel the pressure from the outside world, where everybody’s marrying and having kids, but it’s so far away from where I’m standing. It feels like everyone drove off and I can’t get the car started! That’s the negative string of thoughts – wondering if something’s wrong with me – but the good thing is that I love being by myself. I like myself so much better when I don’t have someone to worry about, to feel misunderstood by. And I spend so much more time seeing friends, writing, listening to music, etc. I do date, quite regularly, but it throws me off course every time. I either end up breaking it up, which leaves me feeling harsh and guilty, or I get dumped, which is obviously worse.
Long story short: I wish I didn’t feel like I should have a relationship. It would be perfect.
I love this. I look forwarding to reading more. As a single person of four years now (not even a date or kiss, nothing) I think I am going to really love this. Good stuff!
I love this site and know by reading other people experiences I’m not alone. I dated this guy I loved and still love dearly for four years and he even got me an engagement diamond ring. However year four went down hill and what became of our relationship went downhill. He and I split for one year and it was hell the first year. Some fellow coworker I worked with was always trying to be super nice to me and asking if I ever had free time with this smirk on his face and all the time I was hoping he wouldn’t ask for anything as I didn’t want to have to reject him cause I didn’t feel a connection with him at all. And anytime the subject if I was still single came up I’d do everything I could to dodge the subject. I just wasn’t and couldn’t get over him. We had gone through so much and had history together. Well needless to say this guy I didn’t even know I worked with tried leading me on with charm for months then suddenly told me he, his mom and dad would be leaving the country cause his dad had business and I wished him well. Come to find out he only said that to see how I would respond cause he thought I liked him like that. I only found out later that he was a major mamas boy and then two was in on things together and for a few months they gave me hell there at work when she learned I didn’t like her son like that. Her behavior towards me was hostile and cold that had been followed up by evil eye anytime I came into sight. This story ends well. The mother and son are both now gone from the company from termination and the other quitting and after one full, long year without my ex we reconciled and things has been going well sense as we’ve both become more mature and well of our mistakes but I will admit after all that I didn’t want to try of it wasn’t with my ex anymore cause I was tired of all the games and stupid people. But to all of u out there I know it’s easier said than done don’t lose hope.
Girl, I stumbled upon your blog at just the right moment. God is awesome. THANK YOU for your courage to write this series.
I’m in my 20s and have been “single” for nearly six years now. And like you, I love my single life while hoping for a marriage that is God blessed.
Last night I came home after a party feeling sucker punched by loneliness. “Maybe my standards were to high for the last guy?” And, “Maybe I made a mistake?” Were my companion thoughts! Terrible, I know, but I spent the entire way home reminding myself of God’s goodness. He’s given me wisdom. And now he has reminded me that we may be “single”, but we’re not “alone”. Thanks!
Yes! I was literally (and I do mean literally) composing a post about how hard it is to find a blog involving young women in their late 20s to early 30s who aren’t married stay at home moms with kids!!!! If I’ve figured anything out (at 28 years and counting) so far it’s that you shouldn’t aspire to be those things – you should aspire to be who God wants you to be. And yes, that means sometimes we have to wait for the guy who may come later or not at all. But that’s ok – because people like me needed to find people like you! :)
Love your blog and will be following.
I don’t think a lot of women speak about being single in their thirties, there is such a stigma that comes with it… And I myself am tired of it. Single or not, it’s none of anybody’s business. Happiness comes from the self not someone else.
:)
I know you wrote this quite a while ago (and have since entered a new chapter of your life! Weeee…excited for you!), but I wanted to let you know how much I appreciated this, especially as a 25-year-old young lady who has never even been involved in any dating/romantic relationship. I am a Christian as well, and feel exactly the same way about Christian cliches and assumptions, and it was so refreshing to hear your perspective. I totally agree about how not many people are talking about being single, unless it’s in a depressed, I-can’t-believe-I’m-alone-for-another-holiday sort of way. I think it’s important to address both the ups and the downs, the pros and the cons, and to find a community of like-minded friends (especially single friends!) who can support one another. I, unfortunately, am still looking for the like-minded friend community…I don’t really even have girlfriends right now, but I do think there is so much good that comes out of us all engaging in this conversation. Thank you so much for bringing it up, being vulnerable and sharing it with everyone! I am so looking forward to going through the archives and reading all the articles in this series!!
well.., it’s quite amazing..
I love this! I am semi recently single as in my long term boyfriend decided to move out one day never to be heard from again! This was almost 6 months ago and I can honestly say I am happier than ever! I gave that man 200% of me for so long and he just took and took and never gave anything back. Now that I can focus on myself I have been making myself happy. To begin I put on weight in that relationship because he was extremely lazy, but needed to be entertained so going to the gym while he was home was no option. Since I have been on my own I have lost 25 pounds! I am currently back to where I was when I met him and am working on losing another 25. I have also been taking the time to do any activities I gave up for him. It’s funny how much free time you get when your single ;) I have been playing sports and going to classes at the gym, seeing MY friends, and spending more time with MY family. I do believe MR. Right is out there, but in the meantime I am creating a life. This time I’m not going to give up me completely and am looking for someone to fit into my life. I have made so many new friends in the last 6 months and once I am ready I am going to give online dating a chance!
Sometimes in life, you just have to be alone and find what you want to do in life.
As a single Greek girl growing up in the south AMEN to so much of this!! It took me years to embrace that I was “a little too independent and opinionated!”
I think we might be the same person. Can we be friends?
Hey Ali! Thanks for a great post. I love your attitude about being single and wish I shared your hope and enthusiasm. I will try to tell my story without being to negative, but when it comes to love I don’t have much good things to say. I been hurt and lied to so many times I now think that pain and false hopes is what love is all about. I’m a guy turning 30 in December. my last relationship ended just some weeks after I turned 20. Since then every time I open my heart for someone it get crushed and leave me feeling really bad about myself and like I’m just not good enough for someone to care about. A big part of my story is the fact that at 21 I became impotent. Before this time I considered myself very successful with woman. But when I realized I could not please a woman anymore I started to avoid sex and relationships all together. I did not think about it that much the first years. I saw it just as a temporary thing and was not stressed at all, cuz I still had my previous successes fresh in my memory. So I shut out both sex and love totaly after dating a girl who was double dating without me knowing. One week she told me she never met anyone like me and how much she loved me and the next week she totally ignore me and treat me like I was nothing to her. This came to repeat over and over again even until this day. This first time it happened I felt so cheated and frustrated and spit on it made me quit on love. I put it all out of my mind and didn’t think about love until it happens again at age 25. I meet a girl that was so appealing to me I could not stop myself and I fell for this girl super hard. I did not know how much I missed the feeling of loving someone. But same thing happened again. The moment I truly open up my heart is the same movement as things start going bad, really fast. For a year again I stay away from situations that involve sex and relationships. Than similar things happened 2 more times in the next 2 years. Not as bad as the first 2 but still bad enough to really make me question if I’m really loveable at all. And why woman keep saying how great I am and how I changed there lives, and shortly thereafter show me that it was all empty words and turn there backs on me never to look back. The last and I hope final time this happened was 1,5 years ago. This one was the one that finally made my mind snap. 3 years ago now I met a girl in the most random and romantic way I could imagine. i was volunteering in Spain at the time and was going between cities when I met her. We didn’t do anything at first, but we were flirting and we became very good friends. For 2 years we talked daily on Fb and we’re sharing everything with eachother. In the meantime I was living with another girl I fell in love with and when this girl turned her back on me in the same fashion all earlyer had I go down to Spain to visit this girl. It was the most wonderful experience of my life. I really thought my luck had finally turned and all woman who lied and hurt me in the past was nothing but bad luck. i only spend 2 weeks with this girl but I fell more in love than I ever had before. She was me dream girl in every way accept for one. She was a super horny person and have a lot more success than me in sex and relationships and when she told me she had sex with 5 men in 5 days and 80+ in total my brain could not handle it. Myself having not had proper sex for 8 years because of my broken dick. I could not stop thinking of how big of a failure I was and how much I have missed in life. I wrote her a email I still regret to this day, in a polite way calling her a slut. Only thing in life I truly regret. of course she got sad and also turned her back on me. Just some weeks before she told me how much she loved me and how important I was to her, then after she totally ignore me and show me with her actions how little I was worth to her. This final time I made all things I pushed away from previous times come over me all at once. I go from being the happiest man alive to a very miserable and hopeless failure in 48h. And remain there to this day. This girl was the first girl where I belive I felt real love for the first time. I was surprised about myself so many times with her. I was super romantic and complimenting her in ways that I was surprised I had that stuff in me and it all come so natural, it was like nothing I experienced before. I really felt I was at my best. Well before we say we can’t see eachother anymore because of were we both were in life at that point. Then my insecurity start to kick in and I could not stop seeing her in my mind having sex with every guy she add to Fb and how they all had perfectly working dicks and please her in ways I could not do. Just some week after I send her the slut shame email and she cut me off. She was the only person in live I really cared about at the time and going from being one of her top 5 most important people in her life to being worth less than dog shit in so short time changed my whole view of the world. Nothing is for granted anymore, the world became a very unsurten place and everyone in it seemed to be lying. I blame myself for all that happened, so I started to beat myself up really bad and started to hate myself and blame myself for all the misfortunes of the world. I’m still struggling with my self image after that. I always though of myself as a good person with a positive outlook and the heart in the right place. This image got replaced with me being the scum of the earth and hopeless in every possible way. I got so hang up on the amount of sex she had and how little I had I had to go for a 2 week sex vaccation. I slept with 25 prostitutes in Amsterdam over this period. Hoping I would get over the girl and stop feeling like i missed out so much. It did work to some extent. I don’t feel I haven’t had my fare share anymore, but I still lack in sex that matters. But the pressure I put on myself let up a bit. That was 5 months ago and the last time I touched a woman. I’m now more afraid than ever of love and being hurt or lied to. The only thing that is keeping me going now is that this is a perfect setting for an amazing comeback story. Having this much adversity makes you really appreciate love in a way someone who never had any struggle never would. If I can overcome the challenge of feeling I’m hopeless and useless that all these experiences have convinced me is true. But if I kill myself now it would all have been for nothing. I often wish I was dead since my last heartbreak, but by some miraculous reason I still have a bit of hope somewhere deep inside. Thank for listening, this really helps. Hope you find the person that makes it all worth it soon. Hugs!
Ali, I was just needing something to read before starting work and came across your blog. Thank you for the read. Very encouraging. As a single guy, I also watch other relationships and am learning to be content where I’m at. God bless!
Found this post just now, a little late to the party. I met my husband at 31 and married a year later. I think waiting not only gives you opportunities to live the way you want to for a while, but also to better appreciate how living with someone you love changes your life in a really positive way. How many young wives out there look back wistfully, wondering what could have been if they’d only had the chance to do xyz? Do those things! They will make wonderful stories to tell your friends, family, and possible future spouse. They will all admire your zest for life.
Just stumbled upon this post and – WOW, so refreshing! I can relate to almost every last sentence you wrote. Thank you for being so open and frank about being 30 and *gasp* single! Nothing to be a ashamed of… in fact, I think some would trade places with us any day for the reasons it’s made us stronger and more content as a woman. Being comfortable on your own before a partner comes into the picture is truly a gift.
Hello!
Im a blogger who is single too….but well you wrote this in 2015 so maybe not single anymore! Anyhow just wanted to connect!
Hi! I really enjoyed reading your blog about being single. I am 28 and single and find it very challenging some days. You want to be all empowered and I can do this but it is not always the case. I started writing down my dating experiences from the guy lieing about his age, ex wife who calls, annoying text convos that lead nowhere, all the swiping and winking. It can get exhuasting. Dating is different in the world than it used to be. People do not communicate the way they used to and dating can be rough. But you come away with a lot of funny stories and learned lessons. Thanks
I’m 30, single, and happy. So I googled it…why am I ok with being voluntarily single at 30? Good question right? I mean everyone else around me is either married, divorced and in another relationship, engaged, or actively searching for their love. I’m over here like call me to babysit…anyway I love my life and after reading this I know that it’s ok to just be me. It’s ok to say no to dates because I want to stay in or drive an hr to see my family. It’s ok. Thanks google for finding me this article.
Glad I found this bog even though it loops as if it has been posted seviral years ago. I turn 30 this year and its been years since I been able sustain a long term relationship. Im very happy overall and it wwill be ninice to find Mr. Right to share it with. I have my roller coaster feelings of being single appreaching 30 and havery lately felt myself getting frustrated and losing faith on meeting the one. This blog helped me to pick myself up and enjoy life because I’m not alone on this search
I loved your blog. To be honest, I have not gone through the whole of it yet but literally, it seems like something I have been searching for and I totally loved the the tagline “30 and single”. I am 31 myself, single and happy. I don’t know how much more happier I would be if I am in a relationship considering I have been in before which ultimately didn’t make me much happier than I am (at least not how much other people think it will). In fact I recently started writing about my funny and not so funny dates just so, down the line when I read them I can laugh and feel good about the whole journey of being single, till I find my right partner.
I am going to follow your blog, would love to read yours and other single gals posts.
I hit up your lovely site for recipe ideas now and then, and while I was here doing that earlier, I decided that I would continue to browse other parts of the site. Through the arcane rituals of ‘web surfing’, I found myself here.
Why’d I read this? I’ve a wonderful husband and we’ve been happily married for 19 years this past March. This was an excellent post, though, and it really struck my heart, as well as made me think of my brother. He really needs to read this. I need to point at this and say, “Hey! Be like Ali!” He’s also ‘still suffering from singleness’ at age 40, which I keep telling him is not something you *suffer from*, but he won’t hear me on that. He has just had the absolute worst luck with romance in his life, truly heartbreaking tales, and I’m always torn between telling him that he will find someone who will appreciate the sweet, wonderful, charming man he is, and reaffirming the fact that he’ll remain perfectly wonderful whether he has a girlfriend or not.
Thank you for this post. Even if I can’t get my brother to read this, I can use what I’ve read in it myself to bolster his occasionally flagging confidence. Never be afraid to live, and live fully!
Thanks for putting this out there. I am 36, single, live in a small town (<35,000 people) AND am not a native. These facts make dating very difficult. Hell, I can barely find any single thirtysomethings. A few years ago, I was obsessed with finding someone to date. I even resorted to joining a dating site which seemed more like a "jungle" than just stepping outside. A coworker advised I "embrace" being single. So, I did. I began taking road trips, spending a weekend in the closest major city (Columbus, OH), and making exercise a much bigger part of my lifestyle, etc. Still, especially on weekends, I feel the urge to go out and end my "singleness." I knew statistically I couldn't be the only one out there claiming the single and 30+ mantle; but it's always nice to see someone else write about their experience – especially in a positive light. All the best!
Hi Ali! I just happened to come across your blog… and what a refreshing perspective, you have! :) I’m so glad to come across your blog! My boyfriend (now ex) of 10 years decided to end our relationship a week before our 10th year anniversary. I accepted the breakup without even thinking of my age; I’m already 30. @__@ However, I honestly felt relief and happiness shortly afterwards. I’ve never been single for 10 years! I dedicated sooo much of my life to this one person, and it turned out that we were unfit for each other. We grew up to have completely different values and outlook in life.
I’m not looking to date anyone at the moment, and I dont actually feel the inner pressure even if there are external ones (nagging relatives and friends). I don’t really take offense; I just ride the waves of pressure and lighten up the mood with jibs and jokes. LOL
Truthfully, I feel that there is so much more to life than finding a partner. It would be a nice-to-have, but not a need-to-have.
But, I’m really so happy to find your piece. It’s empowering!
More power to you! And hope that you are happy and fulfilled in your daily quests. :)
-Dee
As a now 30 year old still single (and loving this season 98% of the time) female, it’s like you are reading my thoughts. Thank you for your transparency and willingness to share your heart! I so appreciate what you have to share!
I’m just reading this in 2017 and turning 31 next month. I am with a really great guy but he’s not sure if he wants to be married. While I struggle with “I want a family” and “I’m really happy at the moment” everyone is expecting me to make an EPIC decision soon (aka pack up and leave). Your post makes me feel a little better about my situation. Yes, I wanted to be married and have children but I am also SOOOO sick and tired of the concerned/ sad eyes from family and friends. I’m looking for inspiration to help me justfy I AM OK and not a charity case and this post helped me. Thank you!
It is rough and it does hurt but life is super amazing nonetheless and you are really cool for writing this!
Oh my goodness am I so happy I stumbled upon this post and series! I’ve been thinking of writing something about being almost-30 and single for a while now (on a blog that doesn’t even exist yet) but wondered if it was an exhausted topic. Clearly, it is not. But I absolutely loved your post and I can’t wait to go through the rest of the series as well. Way to speak up for all us single 30-somethings (or almost-30’s). <3
I am just reading this now, many years later. Do you have an update on your life? Still single or found the one? (This is the first post of your blog that I have read, so I am sure if I continue to read it, I might find out – sorry). I think this post hit it right on the head! I am one of two that are single amongst my friends at the age of 29/30. It is a very hard time and I was actually writing something last night to this fact. They will all tell you – oh, being single is great! live it up! But… how can you live it up when you are by yourself single and don’t have any of those partner in crimes to do those fun stuff with? They are now “families” and don’t have time for you. It is definitely a tough time to navigate life but I love that you wrote about this!!
Thank u, ur words continue to help and resonate. So good to know I’m not the only one!
Sometimes I wish I was single, being in a relationship and dealing with someone in your face all the time is not all its cracked up to be. I don’t even think I ever want to get married, or even if I want to be in a relationship forever. Honestly I have never been single, I have always had someone in my life whether it was a long term relationship or not. I used to be a jumper (you know someone who had a new guy set up before breaking up with the old one) until my ex passed away in 2013 and then I just did a fwb thing for awhile until I decided to get into my current relationship. I don’t think that there is anything wrong with being single and no one should be ashamed of it. Anyways, I enjoyed your post and I found it on a random google search…
Hi Ali,
I love this post! You are right, there are rarely any blogs about being single over 30. I am thinking about starting my own (actually I have started, but its just one post yet https://frustiary.wordpress.com/), which is why I have looked around the internet and was so surprised not to find masses of blogs on the topic. I agree with EVERYTHING you say and naturally I am wondering (because this post is quite old) – are you still single?
Love,
Tess
Love it! Thank you, I totally agree! We need more positive outlooks and advice on being single, it’s not a horrible time to speed through. It is a wonderful adventure in becoming your best self!
Honestly- you’re amazing. I mean, yes, I’m not your traditional “single”, I have a boyfriend of almost 7 years, and you know what? As it seems we are on the fast track to now where. He says all of the right things, “yeah I see it coming” but nothing has changed to tell me otherwise. So I’d like to pose this question for all to read….. Though single has many meanings, is being with another person in a stagnant situation equally as miserable as being alone? Would it honestly be better if you were alone rather than with someone who is incapable of making any significant moves in your relationship? These questions are not posed to take away from what you are saying, I hear you sistah. Everyone around me is getting married… and here I am, with my guy, and my plants, and my little friggin fish, and nothing is changing. I’m in my 30s and want babies. I am in my 30s and need to be married before having babies. I’m freaking out that it will never happen. I’m freaking out that maybe I’m wasting my time on a person who can not, and will not fulfill my lifelong dreams. I know what you’re thinking, he really is wonderful, he makes me feel safe, he doesn’t make me feel less than, he is my best friend…. but what if that’s all we are? Whaaaaaaaaaat prepares you for these moments? NOTHING! I have friends dealing with post pardom, I have friends who are pregnant, I have family members who are engaged, family members who are mothers… and I’m tired of being that person who just gets degrees. Yay! I have a masters, yay I am going for my second… but you know what? That is not fulfilling for me. I know I am in charge of my own life, but I’m also responsible for the choices I’ve made. You are amazing, you are brave, and single comes in many forms. Yes I’m laying in my bed with another person tonight, but there are times when I might as well be laying alone. You are an absolute inspiration. Go get em’ girl!
Wow! That’s really good! I’m dating right now and I’m 30. This blog is exactly what I was looking for!! Thanks for expressing your thoughts!!
I am almost 30th and I just broke up with my boyfriend couple weeks ago. It is terrifying to face in a reality while many of my friends are getting married.. Thank you for telling us being single in 30 age is a good thing. Knowing people who are in the same situation helped me a lot. My ex-boyfriend was amazing. We were together for almost a year, and he broke up with me because of his bad depression. I never thought this issue will come to me, but wow life is unknown. really. Anyway, thank you Ali for your great blog.