30 and Single

Single at 30 | gimmesomelife.com

(Taptaptap.  Ahem, is this thing on?)

Hi.  My name is Ali, and I am 30 years old and single.

And call me crazy, but I’ve decided to blog about it.

Single

Now when I say single, let’s be clear — I mean single.  The don’t-have-a-fiancee, don’t-have-a-boyfriend, actually-don’t-even-have-a-cute-crush-right-now-except-for-my-adorable-pup (although I promise I’m not that crazy dog lady), rsvp-for-just-one, set-the-thermostat-however-I-want, no-i’m-not-expecting-anyone, please-don’t-make-me-try-to-catch-the-freaking-bouquet, put-my-hands-UP-for-Beyonce kind of single.

This fact still feels a little surreal since I never would have guessed a decade go — heck, even a few years ago — that I would find myself single at 30.  I have always hoped and wanted to eventually be married.  And frankly I have lived most of my adult life assuming that marriage was inevitably just around the corner.  After all, that’s how it seemed to happen for everyone else, right?

But I blew out 30 candles this past May.  And while I did so genuinely loving my life more than ever, I definitely entered my thirties sans husband and very single.

Adventures In Dating

Don’t get me wrong, though.  I’ve had plenty of times in my life when it wasn’t just MeMyselfAndI (and my dog).

In fact, I think it’s safe to say that over the years I have gone on a somewhat ridiculous number of set ups and and blind dates.  (Ok, that last one’s a total lie – I am an expert Google pre-stalker for “blind” dates.)

I’ve learned the difference between EHarm and Match, filled out awkwardly bright and shiny profiles, and rolled my eyes while “shopping” photo after photo of shirtless, car-boasting, ex-girlfriend-partially-cropped-out, “tired-of-the-bar-scene”, “I-love-a-night-out-but-I-also-love-a-night-in” men.

I’ve dated guys halfway around the country.  I’ve dated a neighbor on my old street.  I’ve dated guys that I wanted to keep seeing again and again, and guys that I was more than happy to never see again.  I’ve dated guys that gave me butterflies in my stomach and made me a better person, and guys that infuriated me and made me feel terrible about myself.  I’ve dated guys that got my hopes up.  And I’ve dated guys that made me want to stop hoping altogether.

But through it all (and maybe because of it all), I honestly came to conclude mid-twenties that I’m simply not much of a “dater”.

(Feel free to now officially label me as “picky”.  It’s ok.)

Since then, for better and worse, I’ve been more selective about dating, which has led to hardly any dating in general.  So I think it’s safe to say that I’ve spent the majority of my twenties with the strange label of being a single.  (Or as the illustrious Bridget Jones would say, a singleton.)

8 Dresses

Meanwhile, I live smack in the heart of the Midwest.  And attended a small Christian college.  So it’s safe to say that wedding bells have been playing this past decade for (seemingly) just about everyone else around me.

A few fun facts:

  • I have sung or played music in literally over 100 weddings (the virtues of being a musician and years spent working in a church)
  • I have bridesmaided in 8 weddings (and absolutely never wore those dresses “again”)
  • I maid of honor-ed for my younger sister when she married her catch-of-a-husband four years ago (who happens to be the talented web designer of this site!)
  • I just officially became the last single girl in my very large extended family when my cousin got married this summer (to a guy who won her heart by writing long-distance handwritten letters, true story)

Navigating all of those weddings while single is another post for another time.  But I will say it has been nothing less than awesome to watch my friends grow to love and marry some wonderful people — especially those of my friends who find their spouses after years and years of waiting.  (Those weddings are now some of my absolute favorite moments of the year – priceless.)

Some of those marriages have gone on to celebrate anniversaries and pregnancies and babies and more.  And some dear friends have found themselves navigating the painful road of divorce.  But my twenties were definitely a decade of lots of new relationships and marriages celebrated, and it has been a wild and mostly wonderful adventure.

Wishin’, and Hopin’, and Thinkin’, and Prayin’…

That said, when you’re not in a relationship most of the time, you have a lot of time to watch others’ relationships.  And think about relationships.  If I’m honest, being single is something I think about — in some way — every day of my life.  It’s kind of hard not to.

Granted, the nature of those thoughts have evolved and changed and I would say improved in the last decade of singleness.  As have the lists, books, prayers, conversations, and conversations, and conversations again that I’ve had about relationships.  Because I will tell you that being single at 18 is very different from being single at 22.  And at 25.  And at 28.  And at 30.  And I have no doubt it will continue to be beyond.

…But Life Is Good.  Like, I-Really-Mean-It-GOOD.

But like most important things in life, I have found a growing paradox to be true about singleness:

I still really hope to be married more than ever — albeit for different reasons than at age 22.  But I genuinely love my life more than ever as it is — including the fact that I’m single, and in many ways, because of the fact that I’m single.

Yes, there have been lots of hard days.  Some of them are painfully, despairingly, bitterly, question-the-core-of-who-you-are hard.  The kind of days that threaten to turn you into that single person you do not want to be.

But I feel incredibly lucky to say that most of the days I have spent single have been exciting, empowering, and wonderfully full.

They have been full of rich experiences and adventures.  They have been full of risks taken and lessons learned.  They have been full of some really amazing jobs and launching a new business from scratch.  They have been full of laughter and smiles and some of the best memories ever.  And they have been full of really, really good friends and people along the way.  And for that, I give some serious thanks.

Because I’m pretty sure the worst thing I could imagine would be meeting the guy of my dreams, and then telling him that I basically spent the last decade moping and waiting around for him.  (Ugh.  Please, please don’t let me ever be that girl.)

So…..

Call me crazy, but I’ve decided to bite the bullet and blog about being single.  I have mixed thoughts about putting this side of my life “out there” on the big, wide, and very-public blogosphere for anyone from complete strangers to my family to former boyfriends to read.  But I made a list of reasons why it seems like a good idea today.  (So, um, please remind me of these tomorrow if I get cold feet and feel like hitting delete!)

7) I rarely see any other bloggers talking about being single.

Ok, maybe this is because I primarily spend my days reading food blogs.  But in my experience meeting (and reading) nearly 200 food bloggers over the past year, about a whopping 3% of them are single.  No exaggeration.  When I go to conferences with hundreds of people, I’m one of the few single ones.  I’ve been on 6 blogging press trips when I am the only single one.

Now amongst my friends and community here in KC, there are lots of super-cool single people I know.  But in a blogosphere full with mom bloggers and wedding bloggers (who I love), I do notice a shortage of bloggers to relate to on this topic.

6) But it needs to be talked about!

I don’t know what I would do without my good friends around me who keep me sane, and have those conversations about being single again and again.  But I’ve also met lots of people over the years whose friends have literally all gotten married, and they’re not really able to process the topic as freely — or at least relate to someone about what it’s like to currently be single anymore.

So if this series can in any way provide a glimpse of encouragement to anyone out there, awesome.  Really awesome.

I was also talking about the series with my Dad, and he reminded me that as a longtime married guy (and as my dad), he would love to get some fresh insights into the the lives of his single friends.  And I know that many other of you cool married folk might be in the same boat.  So if this series can in any way provide that glimpse to all of you dating/engaged/married folks, doubly awesome!

5) Personally, I want to push myself out of my comfort zone.

I can talk about food online all day long.  And I can talk about singleness and dating with my friends for hours.

But talking about singleness online? That’s a new one.

I’ve kept quite a bit of my personal life fairly private on my blog, and really only talk about relationships with trusted friends and family.  But I haven’t been able to get the idea of writing a series about singleness off my mind lately.  And sometimes in life, that seems to be a clue that it should at least be tried.  So ready-set-go!!  I’m hitting publish before I completely talk myself out of this series.  :)

4) I would TOTALLY love to hear from you and have this be a conversation.

Whether you’re married, engaged, dating, divorced, widowed, and/or single.  Young or old.  Girl or guy.  Whomever.

We all have stories to share and lots of experiences on the topic of being single, or knowing people who are single.  And I would love more than anything to hear what everyone has to say so that we can (really!) learn from each other.

3) It’s time someone talked about being single in a way that IS NOT…

…whiny, bitter, depressing, man-hating, defensive, hopeless, rose-colored, or full of terrible Christian cliches or assumptions.  (This, coming from a Christian.)

2) It’s time someone talked about being single in a way that IS…

…empowering, vulnerable, hopeful, respectful, honest, refreshing, straightforward, content, faithful, and REAL.

1) I’m writing this as a single.

Most single people probably won’t tell you this, but sometimes it can be hard when someone who recently just got married, or someone who was single at “some” point in their past, tries to give lots of advice how to live the single life.  I totally respect and validate your experience being single in the past, and know that some of the best advice I’ve received about being single has been from my married friends.  But sometimes it’s just nice to discuss the topic with people who are currently single.

So if nothing else, you can count me as someone talking about this from the “currently single” boat.  I’ll let you know if that changes.  But for now, all of this single talk is coming to you live!  ;)

So Stay Tuned.

So there you have it.  I promise more posts won’t be so all-about-me, but I did want to give a little background on where I’m coming from.

More posts coming soon!  (Including some lists.  I love lists!!!)

I have a handful of ideas on some posts on random topics related to singleness and dating to come.  And I have a handful of friends who are different kinds of single and live it out in different ways that I look forward to having share.  But if you have any requests, please let me know!!  Funny, serious, stories, lists, advice, you name it.   Just leave a comment or you can email me as well.

Ok, massively long post!!!  I promise the next ones will be shorter.

Thanks for reading along!  :)

Single at 30 | gimmesomelife.com

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330 comments on “30 and Single”

  1. LOVE this new series, and so thankful to see a joyful, yet hopeful, Christian perspective on this topic. While I am happily married I have some truly incredible single friends and would love to share this with them and also get insights into them. Also, good for you for being “picky”, ain’t nothing wrong with that :)

  2. This is a brilliant idea Ali! I’m currently 22 and single and am already starting to get the “So when are you going to settle down” questions! So it really gives me hope that I can be happy and live a fulfilling single life down the road, if need be! Cannot wait to see the coming posts :) x

  3. I’m nearing 30 (27 to be exact) and still single. As someone biologically unable to have kids, that makes being single even harder! But I’m so glad that you’re writing this series. I can’t wait for some good bad date stories!

  4. You are about to get some serious feedback on this. I appreciate your honesty, vulnerability, and articulation. I’ll be sure to tune in.

  5. Hi Ali!

    I tremendously enjoyed reading your post and am looking forward to your new series! I completely agree with you, this is a topic that would be great to talk about in a bright, realistic and cheerful way. There are things to be enjoyed in life and be happy about even if you are single! I just recently transitioned from the single decade of my life to the fresh in a couple-dom, but since it’s all so new I easily identify myself with the things you mentioned (attending weddings alone, witnessing friends and loved ones finding love and getting married, going on dates – some awful some nice).

    So thank you, finally someone who talks about issues we have/had! :-)

  6. it’s not a bad club to be in, i like to call it the “travel wherever i want, but whatever i want, and see my family at every holiday” club :)

  7. I will be your 32-and-single-and-happier-than-ever-but-still-badly-hoping-to-get-married-fellow-food-blogger friend! This was an awesome post. I related to every single word of it! I’ve always just assumed I would get married, and it really never occurred to me until fairly recently that it just might not happen. I truly am happy, and much of what I love about my life (the freedom to go out with my friends no matter what, the freedom to eat frosting with a spoon for dinner, and the freedom to watch a New Girl marathon without anyone trying to switch to the Speed Channel) is directly related to being single. But there definitely is something missing, and I notice it more acutely sometimes than others.

    So here’s to both of us, and the men of our dreams hopefully waiting right around the corner!

  8. This is awesome, in so, so many ways. Thank you for posting! Look forward to future posts.

  9. Love this post. I’m passing the link along to my two older children who are in their twenties and still very much single. I met my husband by calling the wrong number years ago! We ended up talking forever that night and have been together ever since! Love finds us in the least-expected of moments and in the most-perfect of moments in our lives. I love that you’re willing to put yourself out there through this and upcoming posts on the topic. I’ve followed your blog for quite some time and am looking forward to reading more on this subject … even though I’m not single. :) Blessings!

  10. I can’t wait to read the rest of this series! As someone who will be 30 in the coming months (and frankly, is dreading it) I’m hoping this will give me perspective. That i’m not the only one out there and there is nothing wrong with me. Being from a small Kansas town and watching nearly everyone in my circle become not single has become difficult. I’m happy for them but it is difficult. To read that your experience is so similar is almost comforting in a way. Thank you Ali for writing about it!

  11. LOVE your idea for this blog! I was just griping the other day about being single and despising dating (and the dating scene). So I am with you on this journey and fully supportive! Like you, my philosophy is to participate in life which leads to very full-filling days and exciting adventures most of the time, but I still get those “I-wish-I-were-sharing-this-with-a-significant-other” moments. Can’t wait to read more!

  12. Ali-

    Seriously this is such a wonderful idea. I totally agree with you; most of the food bloggers out there are married, “settled-down”, have families… yada yada… so I love that you are stepping into a vulnerable space to be real, be you, and provoke some good thoughts and conversations.

    I am 25 and used basically have been single the whole way through (we won’t count those I guess I have a boyfriend, but this will only probably last a few months because, let’s face it, we aren’t meant for each other, but it’s fun and casual for the time being). Until the beginning of this year, I felt all of the same emotions that you wrote about…going through the ups and downs of being single. Only about 2 years ago, after a switch to a spirit-filled church, did I really get what it means to really ENJOY and be content with the season of life I am in. I finally stopped (secretly, but desperately) searching for “The One”. Then my current boyfriend showed up at the scene, totally orchestrated by God, and now I don’t see us turning back.

    When we are truly content with what season of life we are in, when we learn to respect the process of going through a trial, when we totally understand that our identity is in Christ and we are loved unconditionally by Him, then get ready…God always has perfect timing and will send your man over your way.

    Brave girl!

  13. Love this! Thanks for this, for throwing it out there. There is not much talk about being single online and definitely not in a positive way. I too had thought my life would be different then it is now. And even though I miss warm arms to snuggle up to, I love my life and I’m so DARN PROUD of how far I’ve come on my own. And that is something that definitely needs to be out there too. Looking forward to the rest of the series and keep on being awesome xx

  14. I just recently started blogging about my own singledom. It’s a scary thing putting that out there for all the world to see, being transparent and fully honest about what being single is like in 2013, but I figured it would be a way to get around the giant elephant in the room when I get together with my married friends. Plus I hoped it could help others to understand where I’m currently coming from. So I 100% relate to this post (actually I’m pretty sure it could have been written by me!) and would love to continue the conversation you’ve started. Feel free to check out my blog, http://www.breething.com.

  15. Thank you! I am 26 and single, and in all the blogs, I constantly read/see their over-the-top kiss-kiss photos with their new-be husband and cutesy date-nights… I don’t want to be married, and after a recent 10-minute relationship, I realized: hell, I love my freedom. I don’t want or need to be attached to a man.

  16. Thanks for having the courage to write this. I’m 27 and single. I’m pretty much assuming that this is the way it’s going to be. And I hate it. I haven’t sat around and moped about it. I’ve gone to grad school, landed a good job, etc. But I don’t get how anyone can feel FULFILLED living this way.

  17. Ali – thank you thank you thank you, for these words. As an almost 25 year old put your hands up for Beyonce breed of single, I love how willing you are to be honest and happy with single. And you’re right – barring Annie Downs putting her singledom out there last year, I’ve yet to see many truthful blogs on single ladies.

    Can’t wait to see the rest!
    Xo,
    Chelsie

    PS: another perk of single life? no one else eats the rest of the caramel apple cinnamon rolls…..all for me. :)

  18. I’ve noticed not many men have responded which i suppose i dont find strange. Im 30 no kids and single and sort of feel like any hint of wanting a relationship is being desperate at this point. After all love is just supposed to happen right, so trying makes me look unhappy. Which as you said nobody wants to be that person. I love my life and have alot of good friends and hobbies but try to portray an image of “im good being single”. Which to me seems like a double edge sword because that may turn people away?

  19. Hey Ali,

    So I kinda googled this topic after attending a cousins wedding yesterday ( which put me in a somewhat reflective mood, the way weddings do at this age) and I came across your blog. Have to say I’m glad to have stumbled across it. Loved your point of view and completely related to the entire article. It was like you were voicing the thoughts in my head.

    I’m 28, completely single (the rsvp-for-one kind, the way you aptly put it) and I have to admit it has been constantly at the back of my mind. Like a cocktail of emotions on rewind – sometimes glad you have your freedom and no screaming babies to deal with, sometimes calm and savoring all the memories of the present, sometimes filled with the urgency to change the fact that you’re single to appear more ‘normal’, most times a toss up between living in oblivion or embracing the current fact.

    Anyways, just wanted to thank you for sharing your point of you. It was comforting and inspiring and completely relatable. Looking forward to reading more from the series! Cheers.

    P/S – I love lists too!

  20. Thank you for this blog!

  21. Thank you! Just turned 30 on oct 5th and completely single. Been in one major relationship (engagement, house etc..) and I’m totally not a dater. I love this blog and it’s refreshing to see other gals and guys in the same boat. Like you, I’ve embraced it but some days it would be nice to have someone. ;)

  22. Thank you so much for writing this post, Ali!! I’m just a couple months shy of turning 30, and I’m still very much single. It seems EVERYONE around me is getting married and having kids, and I’m…well… I’m not. Sometimes I feel so alone in this “30 and single” sisterhood. Your blog posts make me realize I’m not alone, and it’s okay to embrace my singleness despite all the social pressures around me to be in a relationship.

  23. I love this. Thank you for being brave and writing about being single, no matter how scary it is to put online. I try to be sensitive to the emotions that my married friends have when dealing with fertility issues and getting no where… well, the same is true when you’re single and everyone just wants to help. After a while it can really wear a person down. I know my friends and family are just trying to be supportive with their comments, but it always makes me feel worse about my “situation”, When in reality, this is probably some of the best times of my life.

    I just stumbled on this site from your Savory Pumpkin Dip on Pinterest btw. I also live in KC – do you attend any formalized blogger meet-ups? I’ve tried a couple groups here, but haven’t really clicked with any…

  24. I’m writing this as a single guy. Single as in I-do-have-a-girlfriend-and-I-will-be-popping-the-question-in-the-future-but-for-now-it’s-just-me-and-MY-pup. And, I’ve got to say that you are doing the right things because you are creating a life that you love. When the stars align, you’ll have a great someone to share this great life that you have created for yourself.

    At least, that’s my sappy perspective.

  25. This is fantastic!! Great to hear someone else with the same positivity and love for where life has taken me. We seem to have similar stories too. I spent my 20s having fun and travelling the world, numerous good and bad dating experiences, tried the online dating which I really disliked! Now am happily enjoying the last few days of my 20a before I jump into my 30s with as much enthusiasm as I did my 20s, starting off with a trip to marrakech with 4 great friends! It puzzles me the pity people seem to have about women our age who are single, I’m happier, healthier,stronger and more appreciative of life than I’ve ever been and than a lot of my married friends are. Big love xx

  26. Thank you for this! I’m 30 and single, and this is just SO incredibly refreshing to see!! Love it and can’t wait to read more of your blog!
    xoxo

  27. Oh thank God there are others like me out there!! Because they are certainly not my friends–as they are all married, pregnant, and giving me advice. I HATE the phrase “You’ll be fine-you’ll meet someone, you got everything going for you”. Really? You don’t know that…nobody knows if IT will happen for me. It might never and that is always on my mind nowadays..

    • What I have always enjoyed is the people who have not been single for perhaps more than a few months since they were teenagers (or even better, people who have been coupled up with the same person since they were in their very early 20s) telling me “oh, that great person is right around the corner, it’s totally gonna happen for you; I thought I would never find The One and omigod I totally did!!!!” Um… single mom of three who turned 36 this past July. Not at all the same scenario as you when you were, what, 21?! I’m sort of, maybe seeing someone right now; have been single for most of my adult life and am now having a rough time accepting that I may have found a partner. I’m not complaining, don’t want to be that irritating girl whining about how hard it is to be in a new relationship. It’s just… different. I don’t trust easily at all now, and have been on my own for so long I can’t really fathom the concept of me being a part of a ‘we’. The single 30s is really so different from the 20s.

  28. I am a little different then everyone. I will be 30 in december and I am married. I have been for 3 years but 2 1/2 have been me off and on trying to dicide divorceor stay because of stupid stuff he has done and still does. I dont have many friends but the ones I do are married and have babies. Some got married after me and have babies already. I wanted a baby more then anything, and I wanted one before I was 30. But now I am turning 30, no kid, and in a marriage that I think I want out of but dont know how to say it. So I think I am going to find myself single and babyless at 30 and I am sadder then ever. I am scared to start over at 30 So it is nice to see there are people out there that are happy being single and 30. It gives me hope and maybe courage to not be scared to end things.

    • Jamie, I left my partner when I was 28 to become a single mom of two. I now have three kids I am raising on my own, btw. I can tell you 100% for a fact that while it can be unnerving being single in your 30s, it is SO SO much better than being in a relationship that isn’t right, watching the years slip away. Being on your own gives you the freedom to pursue your dreams and perhaps find the person who will click with who you are (or who you end up becoming). Don’t be scared; if you want out then get out. It’s a lot harder to do once kids are involved. I have been happy single more often then not. I would take being single for the rest of my life before taking being in a marriage that I don’t want to be in for the rest of my life. Look at it this way: if you’re single then the only person whose happiness you need to take into consideration is YOURS. Married? Well, nope. You have your partner to consider, and if you don’t want to be with them, how horrible!

    • Adri,

      I love your advice. I am in the process of becoming a single mom of two wonderful girls and I couldn’t agree more about not staying in a relationshp that isn’t right. You never get married hoping to get divorced it’s just sometimes what happens. I’m currently living with my parents until some financial issues get cleaned up but I am eager to get a place for me and my girls and enjoy my 30’s will turn in April. Life is to short to live unhappy and like you said the right person will come along and want to be with YOU and love you for YOU! Thanks Ali for this and all the commentors you make being 30 and single no matter the reason not so scary!!!

  29. :D Loved it and Ditto!:):)

  30. Hi Ali, turned 31 on sep 11, and let me tell being single at 31 in india is about as worse as it can get. reading ur blog was like reading my lifestory, right down to the last single cousin who got engaged a week ago and is expecting a baby with his fiancee, hence the rush wedding in capetown. All my friends are married and on their second or third kids, younger ones on their first.

    being from a traditional country, my friends and my family cant understand why i m still single, exactly what is it that i am looking for in a guy they ask, bald guys being my deal breaker.
    they look at me and go oh u re so pretty and intelligent, why cant u just settle for someone already.
    this last month went for a speed dating event, disastrous, a bar event, where my 5ft 8 in female cousin was taller than all but 4 of the guys there, this being in london, where i was visiting,
    thank u for ur blog, ty for letting me vent, going to keep reading :)

  31. Pingback: Is It November Already? New Job Again? | Musings

  32. Great blog. Maybe I should start blogging about the over-40 and recently divorced with no kids lifestyle. Gah! This is the age where people start to tell me I should start settling and stop being so picky. Um, no thanks. Besides, that saying about it being even more lonely in a bad relationship than it is being on your own is soooo true.

  33. God bless you. You’ve made my day. I’m 30 and going through a break up, so I’m newly single. I have all those thoughts going through my head, will I ever have the chance to have babies? It’s nice to know that I’m not alone. Keep up the wonderfulness xx

  34. Hi Ali,

    I just finished reading this and I love it, I’m two months shy of 30 and I’m just staring to be really happy with me being the way I am right now, single with a career, hobbies, friends etc.
    I found your writing funny and both insightful and inspiring.
    I will definitely be reading more and sharing with my friends.

    Thank you,
    Belinda

  35. I love this! I started a new blog not too long ago- about dating in your 30s. It’s completely different from dating in your 20s so I’ve decided to write about it and connect with ppl just like you. xx

  36. Love ! Love! Love! I’m 30 and single as well (turned my dirty thirty in April) and hear it from everyone around me too! Heck, I work with women younger than me who are married and just all had babies. It’s a lot of pressure, but you already know that. Thanks for creating this blog :)

  37. I can relate so much here. Being single and 30 has me misunderstood by my family and coupled up peers, dealing with stereotypes of spinsters, and feeling scared that something is wrong with me (which, rationally, I know is not the case). It can be painful and I wish I had solutions. I know the solution won’t come from a guy or a relationship and so I deal with it to the best of my ability by trying to be understanding when others are not, and trying to be strong when I feel let down. But, regardless, a loving relationship with the right guy would be great to have.

  38. Hey Ali,

    Thank you for this. It’s so refreshing, brave and rare to see a woman find contentment in being single at age 30. We are all so caught up in the pressure of societal standards, and we are so hard on ourselves when we feel that we haven’t met them. I truly hope this opens up the lines of communication amongst women and we continue to empower each other through your words. Rock on.

  39. Ali,
    Thank you so much for this post. I am just about to turn 29 so I am sitll 1 year away from 30, but I eel like I am in the same boat. I have never even been in love. It is refreshing to know I dont feel the same about some of the issues you discussed. It gave me a new view of being single and I greatly appreciate this blog!!
    Thanks and rock on!!
    Sam

  40. I’ve been single for the past 2 years after a bitter and abusive relationship and oh boy, how much have i grown! Coming from Malaysia where typical Asian families would expect people of my age group to already be married – i’ve a lot to say, only because i draw a lot from my past, so albeit the pressure to marry is present but i’d rather just be happy with what and how I am now and just go with the flow…Living is easier without much expectations.
    I agree that being single is indeed empowering. Your mind is focused on you and your growth alone. Looking forward for more of your insights.

  41. Thanks for writing this, Ali. I agree with you on all points. I turned 30 three weeks ago and am single too. I have a very full life and truly, truly enjoy celebrating the life milestones of my wonderful friends and family – I’ve had a lot of fun, really tested the waters of life and am not done yet. Being single at 30 is a weird experience though (and one I never expected either)- but it is great, and positive, and I’m looking forward to my 30’s in the same way you are – with an inate belief, but not an absolute mandate, that love will find me and I’ll get to have all that stuff for myself too. Just wanted to thank you for writing this – I think you’re onto something here and I’ll be reading. :)

  42. Thank you for writing this. I follow a lot of lifestyle, fashion and design blogs, and I find that most of them are either married/in a relationship or if single, do not talk about it. So I find it refreshing that are you approaching this subject. I too live in KC, and while I have great family and friends, I am one of the only single friends. I have been told that I am “picky,” but I want to make sure I find the right guy for me and it might just take awhile! Living in KC, I found it very difficult to date, and even find new single girl-friends. I guess it is about putting yourself out! I look forward to reading your blog and I am glad I am not the only one out there!

  43. I’m just curious. Does anyone ever get frustrated with the way people act / treat singles? I usually don’t let it get to me, but sometimes it does. For example, recently, I’ve had several acquaintances try to set me up. And while I can assume that their intentions are (hopefully) good, the men they’ve tried to set me up with are not just not my type, but it leaves me scratching my head wondering “Do they hate me?” or “Do they think I am that desperate?” or “What in the world were they thinking? This guy and I have NOTHING in common!” I am then told that I am too picky. These experiences make finding the right guy impossible and the whole process very depressing / discouraging. I am trying to have faith, but sometimes, I wobble a bit.

    • Same here! My friend is angry because I was upset that she tried to set me up with some guy who lives more two hours away and doesn’t have a job…and hasn’t had one in a while…wtf.

  44. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

  45. This post is awesome!!

  46. It just so happens that you wrote this two days before I turned 30! I’m glad I stumbled upon your blog! While I love analyzing singledom, I think the food talk is what will keep me coming back. Very cool!

  47. i agree with sm completely as i have been single my entire 20’s that is 10 years of being single and in my early 20’s i did not mid going to christmas parties and so on by my self, however now being 30 i have stopped going to functions because i get the “are you single, you will fid someone” or he is out there” is it funny that only married people or people in a relation say that you don’t here any single people saying that crap. i found out by my sis ted tat her ex boyfriends brothers wives hated me because i was single. as i have moved back to a smaller town that i grew up in all the people i went t school with are married with kids. that is why i cancelled my Facebook.

  48. YES! OMG, someone actually said All The Things, without being overly negative (couched as “funny”) about it. Yay! I may have to send this to my mom, because I think she sometimes forgets that, while I’m looking for a partner, I still really like my life. And that it’s good. But, dude…I *am* losing patience. Thanks for your writing. :)

  49. SO happy to have found your blog. As a fellow 30 year old single I can’t wait to read more from you.

  50. I am so glad I found your blog. I feel like you are describing my life! I just turned 30 last month, and for the past year, I have had a really hard time coming to terms with the fact that life is not what I thought it would be at this point. Over the past few years, ALL of my close friends have gotten married and started having babies, and I am genuinely SO happy for all of them. I’ve been on the brink of depression for a while, and it is so refreshing to read your viewpoints because I have had some really dark thoughts lately. The unknown of if and when love, marriage and kids will happen is the hardest part. It sounds silly, but I think I am running out of time. How do you deal with those thoughts if you have them? How do you keep positive and happy? It’s getting harder and harder, and I don’t want to become bitter. I will keep reading your blog – it made me remember I am not alone in this! :) THANK YOU!!