30 and Single
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(Taptaptap. Ahem, is this thing on?)
Hi. My name is Ali, and I am 30 years old and single.
And call me crazy, but I’ve decided to blog about it.
Now when I say single, let’s be clear — I mean single. The don’t-have-a-fiancee, don’t-have-a-boyfriend, actually-don’t-even-have-a-cute-crush-right-now-except-for-my-adorable-pup (although I promise I’m not that crazy dog lady), rsvp-for-just-one, set-the-thermostat-however-I-want, no-i’m-not-expecting-anyone, please-don’t-make-me-try-to-catch-the-freaking-bouquet, put-my-hands-UP-for-Beyonce kind of single.
This fact still feels a little surreal since I never would have guessed a decade go — heck, even a few years ago — that I would find myself single at 30. I have always hoped and wanted to eventually be married. And frankly I have lived most of my adult life assuming that marriage was inevitably just around the corner. After all, that’s how it seemed to happen for everyone else, right?
But I blew out 30 candles this past May. And while I did so genuinely loving my life more than ever, I definitely entered my thirties sans husband and very single.
Adventures In Dating
Don’t get me wrong, though. I’ve had plenty of times in my life when it wasn’t just MeMyselfAndI (and my dog).
In fact, I think it’s safe to say that over the years I have gone on a somewhat ridiculous number of set ups and and blind dates. (Ok, that last one’s a total lie – I am an expert Google pre-stalker for “blind” dates.)
I’ve learned the difference between EHarm and Match, filled out awkwardly bright and shiny profiles, and rolled my eyes while “shopping” photo after photo of shirtless, car-boasting, ex-girlfriend-partially-cropped-out, “tired-of-the-bar-scene”, “I-love-a-night-out-but-I-also-love-a-night-in” men.
I’ve dated guys halfway around the country. I’ve dated a neighbor on my old street. I’ve dated guys that I wanted to keep seeing again and again, and guys that I was more than happy to never see again. I’ve dated guys that gave me butterflies in my stomach and made me a better person, and guys that infuriated me and made me feel terrible about myself. I’ve dated guys that got my hopes up. And I’ve dated guys that made me want to stop hoping altogether.
But through it all (and maybe because of it all), I honestly came to conclude mid-twenties that I’m simply not much of a “dater”.
(Feel free to now officially label me as “picky”. It’s ok.)
Since then, for better and worse, I’ve been more selective about dating, which has led to hardly any dating in general. So I think it’s safe to say that I’ve spent the majority of my twenties with the strange label of being a single. (Or as the illustrious Bridget Jones would say, a singleton.)
Meanwhile, I live smack in the heart of the Midwest. And attended a small Christian college. So it’s safe to say that wedding bells have been playing this past decade for (seemingly) just about everyone else around me.
A few fun facts:
- I have sung or played music in literally over 100 weddings (the virtues of being a musician and years spent working in a church)
- I have bridesmaided in 8 weddings (and
absolutelynever wore those dresses “again”)
- I maid of honor-ed for my younger sister when she married her catch-of-a-husband four years ago (who happens to be the talented web designer of this site!)
- I just officially became the last single girl in my very large extended family when my cousin got married this summer (to a guy who won her heart by writing long-distance handwritten letters, true story)
Navigating all of those weddings while single is another post for another time. But I will say it has been nothing less than awesome to watch my friends grow to love and marry some wonderful people — especially those of my friends who find their spouses after years and years of waiting. (Those weddings are now some of my absolute favorite moments of the year – priceless.)
Some of those marriages have gone on to celebrate anniversaries and pregnancies and babies and more. And some dear friends have found themselves navigating the painful road of divorce. But my twenties were definitely a decade of lots of new relationships and marriages celebrated, and it has been a wild and mostly wonderful adventure.
Wishin’, and Hopin’, and Thinkin’, and Prayin’…
That said, when you’re not in a relationship most of the time, you have a lot of time to watch others’ relationships. And think about relationships. If I’m honest, being single is something I think about — in some way — every day of my life. It’s kind of hard not to.
Granted, the nature of those thoughts have evolved and changed and I would say improved in the last decade of singleness. As have the lists, books, prayers, conversations, and conversations, and conversations again that I’ve had about relationships. Because I will tell you that being single at 18 is very different from being single at 22. And at 25. And at 28. And at 30. And I have no doubt it will continue to be beyond.
…But Life Is Good. Like, I-Really-Mean-It-GOOD.
But like most important things in life, I have found a growing paradox to be true about singleness:
I still really hope to be married more than ever — albeit for different reasons than at age 22. But I genuinely love my life more than ever as it is — including the fact that I’m single, and in many ways, because of the fact that I’m single.
Yes, there have been lots of hard days. Some of them are painfully, despairingly, bitterly, question-the-core-of-who-you-are hard. The kind of days that threaten to turn you into that single person you do not want to be.
But I feel incredibly lucky to say that most of the days I have spent single have been exciting, empowering, and wonderfully full.
They have been full of rich experiences and adventures. They have been full of risks taken and lessons learned. They have been full of some really amazing jobs and launching a new business from scratch. They have been full of laughter and smiles and some of the best memories ever. And they have been full of really, really good friends and people along the way. And for that, I give some serious thanks.
Because I’m pretty sure the worst thing I could imagine would be meeting the guy of my dreams, and then telling him that I basically spent the last decade moping and waiting around for him. (Ugh. Please, please don’t let me ever be that girl.)
Call me crazy, but I’ve decided to bite the bullet and blog about being single. I have mixed thoughts about putting this side of my life “out there” on the big, wide, and very-public blogosphere for anyone from complete strangers to my family to former boyfriends to read. But I made a list of reasons why it seems like a good idea today. (So, um, please remind me of these tomorrow if I get cold feet and feel like hitting delete!)
7) I rarely see any other bloggers talking about being single.
Ok, maybe this is because I primarily spend my days reading food blogs. But in my experience meeting (and reading) nearly 200 food bloggers over the past year, about a whopping 3% of them are single. No exaggeration. When I go to conferences with hundreds of people, I’m one of the few single ones. I’ve been on 6 blogging press trips when I am the only single one.
Now amongst my friends and community here in KC, there are lots of super-cool single people I know. But in a blogosphere full with mom bloggers and wedding bloggers (who I love), I do notice a shortage of bloggers to relate to on this topic.
6) But it needs to be talked about!
I don’t know what I would do without my good friends around me who keep me sane, and have those conversations about being single again and again. But I’ve also met lots of people over the years whose friends have literally all gotten married, and they’re not really able to process the topic as freely — or at least relate to someone about what it’s like to currently be single anymore.
So if this series can in any way provide a glimpse of encouragement to anyone out there, awesome. Really awesome.
I was also talking about the series with my Dad, and he reminded me that as a longtime married guy (and as my dad), he would love to get some fresh insights into the the lives of his single friends. And I know that many other of you cool married folk might be in the same boat. So if this series can in any way provide that glimpse to all of you dating/engaged/married folks, doubly awesome!
5) Personally, I want to push myself out of my comfort zone.
I can talk about food online all day long. And I can talk about singleness and dating with my friends for hours.
But talking about singleness online? That’s a new one.
I’ve kept quite a bit of my personal life fairly private on my blog, and really only talk about relationships with trusted friends and family. But I haven’t been able to get the idea of writing a series about singleness off my mind lately. And sometimes in life, that seems to be a clue that it should at least be tried. So ready-set-go!! I’m hitting publish before I completely talk myself out of this series. :)
4) I would TOTALLY love to hear from you and have this be a conversation.
Whether you’re married, engaged, dating, divorced, widowed, and/or single. Young or old. Girl or guy. Whomever.
We all have stories to share and lots of experiences on the topic of being single, or knowing people who are single. And I would love more than anything to hear what everyone has to say so that we can (really!) learn from each other.
3) It’s time someone talked about being single in a way that IS NOT…
…whiny, bitter, depressing, man-hating, defensive, hopeless, rose-colored, or full of terrible Christian cliches or assumptions. (This, coming from a Christian.)
2) It’s time someone talked about being single in a way that IS…
…empowering, vulnerable, hopeful, respectful, honest, refreshing, straightforward, content, faithful, and REAL.
1) I’m writing this as a single.
Most single people probably won’t tell you this, but sometimes it can be hard when someone who recently just got married, or someone who was single at “some” point in their past, tries to give lots of advice how to live the single life. I totally respect and validate your experience being single in the past, and know that some of the best advice I’ve received about being single has been from my married friends. But sometimes it’s just nice to discuss the topic with people who are currently single.
So if nothing else, you can count me as someone talking about this from the “currently single” boat. I’ll let you know if that changes. But for now, all of this single talk is coming to you live! ;)
So Stay Tuned.
So there you have it. I promise more posts won’t be so all-about-me, but I did want to give a little background on where I’m coming from.
More posts coming soon! (Including some lists. I love lists!!!)
I have a handful of ideas on some posts on random topics related to singleness and dating to come. And I have a handful of friends who are different kinds of single and live it out in different ways that I look forward to having share. But if you have any requests, please let me know!! Funny, serious, stories, lists, advice, you name it. Just leave a comment or you can email me as well.
Ok, massively long post!!! I promise the next ones will be shorter.
Thanks for reading along! :)
Also, check out the other posts in this series including:
I am so glad I found this site! I am 28, going to be 29 very soon, and am going through a break up right now. I’m very sad, angry, scared, and lonely. I’m glad to find a blog with somebody who is single and close to my age! Will definitely be following!
I haven’t even finished reading this yet, but I HAD to say a loud and relieved THANK YOU for finally giving me a place to feel ok being single and 28!!! Because, let’s face it, I am going to be single and 30 soon, too.
I just found out that my ex, whom I loved and cared for, got married. I am in shock. And still single. It’s been less than two years since we split and I never felt a connection during the time that I did with him, and only to find out that he got married this summer. It’s happened now twice – that the guy I split with immediately marries the next girl, except this time it mattered more because I loved him. I have all these random thoughts – from shock to anger to disappointment to a horrible painful hurt. I am scared about what will happen next to me and how to move on and whether I will. I have to move on.
Ali, I’ve been reading your single series because someone posted a link to one of them. I must say, I feel you. I’m 26 and single, live by myself in a small town with family 2.5 hours away. I’m literally by myself because most of my coworkers commute to work so they don’t even live in my town. Thank you for writing this and I’m looking forward to reading more :)
Thank you SOOOOOOOO much for this! I will be turning 30 in February and the first thing my mother said to me was, “Candis, you may need to get your hormone levels checked.” My jaw literally dropped to the floor. 2 minutes later, while she had gone to the bathroom, I cried my eyes out. If I wasn’t getting enough repercussions from the fact that all my friends were getting married or already married, now my mother puts MORE fear in my heart of children! So yes, being single and 30 is a scary feeling. I’m in the United States Army, so being single in my field is even more annoying, with family gatherings and awards and recognition dinners for wives and husbands. And yes, I too have the cute puppy by my side, but I just can’t find the momentum I need to actually date. I’m alway stationed in places that just don’t have the “goods” if you will. But yes, I am very happy I found this page and this series for that matter! I need some encouragement in my life…
I’m 33 in March & have officially been single almost 6 years
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve dated badly during this time, but I have sure as heck not managed more than a few weeks. Making me single for 6 years in April!
I’m so ok with this.
I had so much going on in my head that wasn’t healthy. I have therapied & self helped & generally worked on loving & respecting myself!
I’m now a much better person for having had that time alone!
I’m also now in a place where I can start a relationship, but having been single so long, I’m uber fussy!
I’m even more ok with that!
Power to the singletons!
I think you need to do a thread about the best part about being single.
1. Going to a friends place and them just feeding you. You’re only one extra, so not a hassle.
2. Leaving whenever you feel like it & not feeling guilty
3. Long baths with a glass of wine & book of choice & nobody (except cat) to bother you!
I’m SO excited to have found this blog! I turned 30 in September and have been single for most of my 20s – certainly not “by choice,” but I have absolutely chosen NOT to date the wrong men! I’ve tried online dating off and on for years without finding anything long-term, and with more and more of my friends getting married off every year it’s SO easy to feel like I’m doing something wrong. Like there’s something that I haven’t figured out that comes so easily to everyone else. I’ve read all your posts in the series, and your thoughts about living a full life are what really struck a chord with me. Sometimes it’s hard to have a full social calendar when everyone else I know is off doing Couple Things, but I do want to focus more on living a life that excites and fulfills me, single or not! Even though I want a relationship very much, I want to live a full life in the meantime, and I certainly don’t want to look back on my life now and think of it as “treading water.” What a waste!
I think you’ve just inspired my New Years Resolution for 2014!
So i couldnt find a male response to your opening blog, let alone a male british one however i felt the need to acknowledge how your blog made me laugh as i turn 30 after 4 years of singledom. Im almost chronically shy so im aware im in for dvd boxed sets for the future so thanks for the light within a self-emposed dark tunnel. You can tell i was raised by women; i like drinking to rom-coms!
am here for you
i also just turned 30
Thank you so much! I’m about to turn 31 and am single. Not by choice. When I turned 30 I wanted to set sail on adventure and focus on myself and not waste my time worrying about dating. Reading your blog is like reading my mind! I was in one long term relationship (3 years) and it ended cause the guy got scared.. but that’s a blessing I think, did think that at the time but, now i do think that. I have spent more times with my friends and getting to know new and exciting people. However, now that I’m turning 31 I do want to be in a relationship, but again in time it will come if it is to come. I need to continue to focus on my myself and my family.
I commend you on making it a point to speak of this great phenom. I will be turning 34 this year. Like you, on my 30th birthday, life never seemed more clear being single.
After 6 years of no relationships, I also joined online dating sites and agreed to being set up on blind dates. I thought to myself if I don’t get out there and start looking, I may never find “the one”. And yes, yes, yes I Google’d every single one of them too.
At the beginning of this year I started exclusively dating “the one”, moved in with him after 3 months, and on the 8th month, I finally figured out that he was just the same as every other guy I’ve dated before. It completely shattered my belief in thinking I would ever get married. It still hurts as I type.
However, the lesson that I have learned from all this, could never have been recognized from any other situation. I am in the process of turning my sadness into gratefulness, seeing the good that this experience has brought to me. And I think that is what creates a person to be so strong when they are single. To recognize that life will knock you down sometimes, but what really matters is how you overcome.
I’ve realized that I was happy being single for many years prior to this bump in the road break up. Do I really want to interrupt this continuation of life’s happiness?
I’ll tell you what though. I am really happy that I came across your blog. And with the new year starting in a few days, I will do as I have always done…endure, overcome, learn and move on.
I love this, it’s the most refreshing take on Christian singledom that I have read in a long time. Thankyou for being real, thankyou for not making it weird and thankyou for having the courage to write this! Looking forward to following the series. Love from sunny Sydney Australia
Wow I love your blog! I’ll be 30 this year and I am soooo single. Never married, no kids and refuse to settle for someone I don’t really want for the sake of saying “I’m married”
I’m turning 30 tomorrow ahhhh no children and single :).
I can SOOO relate, only I recently turned 31 lol you have inspired ME to start the single at 31 blog of my own … maybe we can compare notes and inspire one another on those lonely days … because let’s face it, being alone is fine and can be great fun … but when we hit those low days where we don’t like feeling so lonely, those are the days a support system would be nice. Nice to meet you and I hope you’ve had some recent fun singledom :)
I’ll be a big old 31 in February and am indeed “single”! Shock horror. Tired of the same old “I can;t believe YOU’RE still single” and night upon night spent trawling through online dating sites to see the same shirtless tripe or 5ft 5ers sending me messages.
Like you, I’ve dated for years and have been in “relationships” although only really two that I’d class as such. I’ve been single for about 5 years and…..I hate to say it…..I would like to meet someone now. I’m a little worried about becoming that one woman and her dog person. Dam it I’m smart, funny, attractive and just want to meet someone who gets the butterflies going again. I love being single in so many ways, but I do feel I’m missing out in others.
I think my “type” has a lot to do with it. I’ve not moved past the 90’s grunge scene type. Most people befitting this type are usually not befitting in other ways. Perhaps I should move to Australia and hook up with a surfer. Dublin is hugely lacking in anything that arouses my interest!
I’m 30, single, and live in KC. And I would totally date you! I’m not dating currently because I’m trying to get all my ducks in a row (not in the literal sense….I have no barnyard animals). But this summer, if you’re still single, I’ll follow up. Then I’ll let you google the heck out of me before agreeing to a “blind date”.
I’m so glad I’ve found your blog. I’m a single 28 year old woman; soon to be 29. I’ve been feeling kind of down lately and wanted to find something uplifting and motivational. This seems like my kind of blog. :)
Thank you Ali for being bold and beautiful! It’s so refreshing to hear from someone who knows what I’m going through. I’m almost 26, but it seems like my pool of single friends has started to dwindle. I look forward to reading more of your blog and cheering for you as you are not alone! God bless! <3
You are awesome …. Funny how I have always wanted to be married yet my friends who didn’t have the ring and the children! So you have made my day to read that some of us are all in the same boat! Thank you for being an inspiration!!
I would love to have a date with you.
I LOVE(!!!) that you posted this!!! I also was a serial dater in my dating days. I honestly never expected to be 29 years old looking at 30 in 8 months and not dating anyone. I broke off an engagement 1 year ago. I took the “one year of no dating challenge” from Andy Stanley’s series “Love, Sex and Dating”! Best thing I ever did!!! Single is not a status it is a life stage. We need to enjoy it. I feel like everything you said I’ve thought, felt and said I get where you are coming from! Your post encouraged me!!! Thank you for posting!
I’m 24 and recently single and I couldn’t be happier. It’s so nice to read something uplifting and positive about being single! Especially when all of my friends seem to be ringing wedding bells every month with their been-dating-since-college boyfriends (and we graduated less than 2 years ago). I feel better about myself than I ever have and I feel confident I’ll figure out who I am and have wonderful experiences in this new phase of my life! Keep posting your thoughts and I’ll keep agreeing and laughing a little, too ;)
Thanks for being brave and starting a discussion about being a single woman in her thirties. I look forward to reading your other blog posts!
Love this site! Turned 30 this past June and I’m so glad to have this to read and relate to! Thanks, look forward to your next posts.
I really appreciated a lot about this post. In particular, how you talk about making the choice not to date. I am 26 years old, and have been single for a year and a half, following the break down of a serious relationship. I have dated but haven’t met anyone that excites me. I’m watching friends raced around on Tinder and other dating sites, trying to find someone, but I’m finding myself so uninterested in chasing it. I don’t feel like there is anything lacking in my life that I need to chase. I would definitely like to meet someone but I don’t need it. If anything I feel like I have to defend the decision not to date. Like if I’m not “putting myself out there” it’s “no wonder” I’m single. It was reassuring to hear you had made the conscious decision to be more selective about dating.
I also loved how you said that we should be able to talk about being single as empowering AND vulnerable. I really agree. I don’t want to have to pretend that I’m unhappy single (because people may be threatened) but I also don’t want to pretend that I don’t wish I had someone sometimes.
THANK YOU for writing this post! I’m sure it wasn’t an easy decision :)
Hi, Brave of you! I’m a belgian woman of 32-years old who always thought she would be married by now ;) So I get you!
You seem like a pretty great girl.
Shoot me a message and would be great to say hello!
OMG. Not sure how I evently came upon your website, well I do. As I am turning 30 this April and still single. In fact my younger sister is getting married in June. I feel as though I have spent my 20’s getting to know who I really am. Sure there are days when I wish I were in a relationship but I feel as though now it’ll happen when it happens. But glad to know other people feel the same way I do. Thanks, Becky
Love this! About to be 32 single Christian female, my career is going well but it’s def nice to read a single’s blog that isn’t full of, “You’ll meet the right one/You just have to…./It’s not God’s time yet” statements. I stopped dating in 2012 because it started to feel like work instead of enjoyment. Now I am living my life and open to whatever comes my way while keeping the bad apples at bay. Thanks!! :)
i super love your blog! it really made my day ;-) im 31 and single (since birth actually). finding the right man is like finding a needle in a haystack.
I am sorry to disagree with the post and the comments as well, We all know being single is nothing desirable, even nice, who are we fooling? Why pretend happiness? why even live in the same old fantasy world? Nothing is ever perfect. I am gonna work on it and give up on my single status (since birth ye), I have had it. Done with my pretensions and the fairy world of modernism, feminism, conection, whatever you call it, all it does is bring you closer to loneliness, gauranting an empty life while you live in your old stupid fantasy. A rambling 30yr old woman.
There are lots of us out there! Good for you for talking candidly about being single at 30.
That’s a tough one for the males being that some of us realistically would like to have kids without rushing to have them before its too late. It’s hard to hurry up and date, get married, and squeeze in the kids with a female that is either approaching 30, is 30 or is 30 plus. Just to have kids is about a 9 months proess, give or take. So that’s about a year right there. Doesn’t waiting that long and not settling down make it much more difficult to realistically get married and have kids in a natural and non stressful sort of way?
I like being single but there are times when I’m home alone trying to watch something on netflix cuddled up and there’s no one there with me. Being able to get up and go at the drop of a hat is wonderful but it gets old just like my age. I’m 30 and all of my friends are married with kids. Sometimes I feel like the odd man out when I out with them and their families. Does anyone feel this way as well?
Thank you! I’m a 36 year old always-been-single (unless you count kindergarten or first grade) and can tell you this is sooo needed, especially for Christian singles. Christians and the church in general try to groom young people for marriage instead of teaching them to be content and become the people God wants them to be. Do I hope for marriage? Sure, but my life won’t be a disaster if I never find Mr. Right.(And as one who has even looked on line and been disappointed there’s a good chance I may not). To me, the important thing is to live a life that glorifies Christ no matter our marital status (or other status).
Hi, I am 30 years old and have only dated one guy in my entire life. I have chosen to stay single. I thought I love that guy whom broke up with me after 3 years and was engaged to another woman the next month. I have chosen to be happy and content in my situation. I do any and everything I want to do. I feel being single is easier than being in a relationship.
This blog is so very refreshing! I am currently 32 and will be turning 33 in June, and to top it off I’m from an indian culture (Born in the UK) which pretty much by their standards I’m on the shelf..wayyyy on the shelf..I was having a very long distance relationship with a guy a few years younger than me but very recently we had to split, because I came to the realisation he wasn’t the type of person I should be with. With that break up came this huge feeling of loss…loss of what we had planned…we wanted marriage and kids, but his inability to get himself stable shattered that…
I’ve felt really down since the break up because all my friends around me have all gotten married and had kids and I feel like the odd one out, my family are not trying to pressure me into the traditional ‘arranged marriage’ route as they fear I will never find anyone…have had a lot of anxiety and worry about whether I will find the right one and is it too late… THIS SITE however has made me see I’m not alone out there and there are other women out there my age and not married or with kids, I guess I need to take it one step at a time and learn to be grateful for the things I do have? Its really hard but I want to get to that point, and stop feeling the loss of the things I previously wanted…. I’m grateful I stumbled on this site!
I hope Im not too late commenting on this post. I just adore you! It was so awesome to read a blog about 30 and being single. I just turned 30 this January and right now my life is sort of an adventure and taking risks. I am in a state of thinking about “life” that I should have and not the life that people want for me or the society has been telling me. As I sit here and read about your blog it makes me think that Im still in a position in which Im “lucky” not thinking about relationship or having a relationship. Of course I want to meet a great guy and get married. I want that to happen, but thinking about me and how I love being me, it makes me think that having a boyfriend is not my priority right now. Im so far enjoying and trying out adventures in life that I can wait for that “Mr. Right or the one” to showed up. I guess it will be soon, as Im thinking very positively. MY friends and relatives keep on asking me about marriage and I always replied “wait until 2015, I will be married to a lovely guy”. As my mantra is “LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE” So thank you for posting this blog, really THANK YOU because I can truly relate t you. :)
It’s always nice to see an intelligent, attractive 30-something who is still single. I’m almost 32, and searching online made me feel like it was a lost cause. I have seriously started to think there must be something wrong with me as my friends and acquaintances marry and have kids. But again, glad to see that someone who looks like a catch (and judging by some of the comments, can attract a lot of guys) is still single. We are not all weirdos, and I’m not alone.
It was so refreshing to read this. I am 30 as well and very single. No prospects in sight single. I have good and bad days. There are days I’m ok with it and think it will happen eventually in its own time. Then there are days I freak out. As other comments have stated it is nice to read this from a woman who is likely a great catch. Too often I have fallen into the “what is wrong with me” questions and that leads nowhere good. For me, all of my friends except for one is married and have kids. All of them. I just feel like I got left behind. The most difficult thing for me is that it has caused a lot of my friendships to suffer because I’m not in the same stage of life. We have less to talk about, and kids are screaming in the background anytime we do make time to talk. I think that has been the hardest part for me is feeling that I have lost my best friends because I’m not on the same timeline as them. That hurts more than not having a man. Anyway, I did want to say thank you for your post.
You are cute, so if you are single in the US or any other Anglo country, it is entirely your fault. You have been treated like a rock star almost all your adult life, like any other cute girl.
I read your list. Basically, you want the successful handsome guy (that what “loves his job” means in girlspeak). Guess what, you are too late. That guy is dating the very cute 25 year old down the block. And he is going to marry her, if she does not start acting like a character from “Sex and the City”.
Your best chance? Revisit your old friends and flames, travel abroad, look carefully around, and when a guy you consider to be below you talks to you, for once talk back.
Come on. You can not always blame a single for being single. Some of us simply have not found someone, or if there someone we are interested in, the feelings are reciprocated (that’s basically the story of my life). There are very few options for meeting elegible singles once you are out of high school or college (bars, clubs, and online websites are not good ways to meet quality people by the way). While I understand you may be trying to encourage singles to get out there, there is no guarantees about finding love. Please think about what you are saying before you post it.
Whoops…I meant to say that sometimes feelings are NOT reciprocated. Anyway, you hopefully get my drift.
Love ur blog! I am def checking this out again. I randomly came across this and was like ahhh someone who gets it lol. I’m 29 and am on some weird mental roller coaster about this lol but yes thank you for putting this out there!
So refreshing to read this! Thanks for being so open and honest about it! I am 27 and single and have been struggling with this stupid timeline I had in my head since I was little. I need to get rid of the timeline and just enjoy being single!
This is my first time on your site. Its one of those days when I was feeling a bit low with things around me, so this blog came in as a little ray of sunshine:-)Thankyou!
Although we all know and agree that society should be more open to the idea of being single, I would much rather have them DO something about it, than just talk about it. I would much rather have my folks feel proud of my achievements in daily life, rather than assume those achievemnts happened because I was trying to fill my life with meaning ( since NOT being married and NOT having kids = no meaning in life). In your article ” what not to say to single people”, can you please add quoting from the bible ( read interpreting the bible wrongly!). I am often told ” you are going against nature because you havent yet fulfilled your duties as a woman”. ROFL ( though i didnt really laugh then)
Another thing people should stop saying is ” People around you will eventually get bored of you and give up trying to advice/hook you up with other guys, after all – everyone gets busy in their own lives”. OMG HOW CRUDE AND THOUGHTLESS IS THAT
Why dosent anyone see that we are working hard and tryiong to be honest and good and ultimately have a great life too? I tutor kids in math and science and run a swimming coaching camp ( teaching makes me hapy and feel like im contributing to the world in a small way), APART from my regular job , yet I hear ” dont u have better things to do? Why do you waste time on this instead of searching for a guy ”
Anyway, this hopefully didnt come across as me venting!:-)I just wanted to point out all the wier stuff people do! Would love to hear your response! Keep up with your great work!
Thanks again for making my day though your blog!
Just turned 33 and single. You are lucky to have friends whom you can laugh about being single. Once my friends (since high school) got married and became moms they kind of make me feel like I don’t fit in to their conversations and girl that hurts a lot.
Thank you so much for starting this blog. It really is hard to talk about what it feels like to be single with a bunch of people who are married/in relationships. As it happens, I am the last single one in my group of friends and I can really start to notice how in am being left behind, not on purpose of course, but still I feel out of the loop. I have tried everything that works for everyone else, online dating, dating apps, friends of friends, I try to step out of my comfort zone and every time it just ends on disappointment. I have recently just given up all together and finding this blog may help me to just be ok with being single. So thank you for that!
I really enjoy reading your posts. I feel like you are speaking all the words for me on how I feel. I would love to talk to you about this and my feelings about being single as well. I will be 29 in June and even though I have a crush right now, there are still doubts, fears and yet hopes of a bright future. I have been waiting pretty much the same time as you to find my husband or know if he exists. I try hard to not let it be my focus but as you said it kinds of is hard to forget when you leave church all happy but come home to be by yourself. I do enjoy what God has blessed me with so far, I love my family, my friends, that I have my own apartment, a good job, the ability to go to graduate school, and many more amazing things in life I have had the opportunity to experience. But the thing is Married people get to experience all those things as well. Its hard to fight the lies of satan as well, that the reason I am single is because I am not pretty enough, smart enough, or worse that I am not lovable enough that someone would want to spend their life with me and fight through the hard times, that I am not worth fighting for daily. I know those are lies and someday they may be proven wrong. But what if they are not ( another lie from satan). I struggle. I do. Yet I love life and what God has done for me. I can relate to very much. Thank you so much for sharing your heart, it is mine as well.
Great post, It really is how I feel about being single at 34 but is also very encouraging at the same time.
I just turned 32..nasty break up a few months ago and I’m single again. I am absolutely miserable. I gained 20lbs and feel disgusting. I don’t know what to do.