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I can’t even begin to tell you how much I’ve looked forward to finally having this news to share.
We’re pregnant, you guys! ♡♡♡
Those of you who have been following our story for awhile know that it has been a long road for Barclay and I as we have been trying to grow our family. But for the first time ever, we finally saw that miraculous double line this summer after our second IVF transfer. And I’m thrilled to announce that we are now fifteen weeks pregnant with our sweet little bebé who’s due to join us around Barclay’s birthday in March 2021.
This past year has been a complete whirlwind as we navigated our way through IVF in the midst of the pandemic, followed by a failed first embryo transfer, a successful second transfer, and then an intense roller coaster of a first trimester. But we’ve officially now made it to the second trimester with our little sprout and we’re over the moon that this dream of ours is finally coming true. We’ve totally turned into those nerdy first-time parents who have loaded up our Kindles and downloaded a half-dozen apps to learn about the development of our little one week by week, and can’t get over how fascinating this whole baby-growing process is. We’ve also been extremely lucky that our clinic has allowed Barclay to attend all of our ultrasound appointments during the pandemic. And wow, each time we’ve been able to hear our baby’s heartbeat and watch it wiggle on the monitor has just felt like magic. We’re awed and so thankful to finally get this chance to experience pregnancy and aren’t taking a single day of this for granted.
That said, just as our infertility journey was not at all what we had anticipated, our first trimester also brought its own share of unexpected surprises, joys and heartbreak. So today, I wanted to share a bit more about what life has been like here behind the scenes these past few months, as well as an update on how we’re doing today.
Here’s the latest from our little familia here in Barcelona. ♡
Our Infertility Journey
First, though, a bit of a brief backstory for those who may just be tuning in.
Getting to the starting line of this pregnancy was not a quick nor easy road for us. Like 1 in 8 couples around the world, my husband and I came to find that we were unable to get pregnant on our own and were eventually diagnosed with infertility. (In our case, “unexplained infertility,” which basically means that doctors were unable to find a specific medical reason why we could not conceive.) We went through a battery of tests and exams, sat through what felt like a million appointments, and tried all sorts of different approaches (from traditional fertility medicine to meeting with homeopaths, nutritionists, acupuncturists, and more) to try and get pregnant. But in the end, we were never even able to see the faintest shadow of a double line on any of our pregnancy tests. And our doctors eventually recommended that we consider in vitro fertilization.
Fast forward to this past March and we were finally given the medical clearance to begin treatment here in Barcelona. But — hello, March 2020! — this ended up being the month when the global pandemic hit hard here in Spain. Literally just days after we began our injections for IVF (or “FIV,” as it’s called here in Spain), everything with the country’s medical system was thrown into flux and Barcelona went into strict lockdown. And we found ourselves in a day-by-day standby situation of not knowing whether or not our clinic was going to be able to stay open long enough for my hormone-riddled body to complete the first stage of the treatment. The timing of everything was stressful upon stressful, to say the least. But thankfully, our clinic was able to remain open just long enough for us to complete our egg retrieval and we successfully collected 17 eggs from the first stage of the IVF process.
Those 17 eggs then fertilized into 13 embryos, which survived to the “blastocyst” stage where they could all be genetically tested and frozen. And in the end, the results came back that 3 of those 13 embryos were officially viable. Once our clinic was allowed to open back up, we resumed our treatment plan and transferred (implanted) the first of those three embryos, which sadly did not survive the first two weeks in the womb. So we then underwent a second transfer. (I actually shared about it here on Instagram, if you want to watch our literal moment of conception!) And two weeks later, our doctor called us with the good news that this transfer was successful and we were finally pregnant for the first time ever!! We gasped and screamed and absolutely could not believe that we were finally hearing good news. But our doctor assured us that our numbers were strong, so we were elated.
Well, two weeks later we went back to see our doctor for our first official ultrasound. And once she began the ecografía, we were comforted to immediately be introduced to our baby’s strong little heartbeat on the monitor for the very first time. But then my doctor grabbed my hand with a twinkle in her eye and told us to listen for — yep — a SECOND HEARTBEAT.
You guys, I can’t even begin to tell you how shocked we were. ♡
Nowadays, thanks to recent improvements over the past decade in blastocyst technology, IVF twins are much less common than they used to be and mainly only occur when two embryos are transferred — and we had only transferred one. But sure enough, our lil’ embryo had clearly split upon entering the womb and there were now two adorable little blobs there on the screen with two hearts beating strongly. We were stunned. (As was evidenced in basically all of our ultrasound videos from that appointment, which have a background track of me saying “ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh” a hundred times, lol.) But of course, the idea of our little “IVF two for one,” as Barclay called it, quickly began to grow on us and we started to feel more and more excited about this chance to become an instant family of four. Our very own identical twins!!
Well, we barely had a chance to catch our breaths from that news before we were informed that this type of embryo split appeared to be the rarest and highest-risk type of twin pregnancy possible. Very long story short, because our twins shared both a sac and a placenta (with nothing to prevent their cords from tangling), they were high risk for a number of critical or life-threatening complications. And even in the best-case scenario, this pregnancy for would require that the twins be delivered a full two months early and I would likely need to be hospitalized full-time for constant monitoring for eight weeks prior to their birth. Statistically, though, we learned we would be very lucky if we even made it that far.
So just like that, we suddenly found ourselves drinking from a firehose of sobering information for hours upon hours a day as we sought to study more about this type of pregnancy and (at least try to) wrap our minds and hearts around all of the possible scenarios that the coming weeks could hold. While at the same time, of course, trying to celebrate the fact that we were finally pregnant for the first time. With two precious twins!
It was a lot to process all at once. But of course, we already loved these sweet babies and would do absolutely anything for them. So we were hoping hard for the best and preparing ourselves for whatever the next few months might bring.
A Bittersweet Loss
Well again, just as that news had begun to settle in and we were starting to feel more ready to take on this type of twin pregnancy, the tides turned again. When Barclay and I went in for our final ultrasound appointment with our IVF clinic, we both initially breathed a huge sigh of relief the moment we saw both of our cute little blobs still hanging out there together on the screen. But then our doctor had to break the news to us that one of the twin’s heartbeats seemed to have just recently stopped. Which meant that our precious baby was miscarrying.
We were crushed.
As our doctor went on to gently explain, this type of miscarriage is deeply bittersweet. Because there would no longer be two babies vying for the resources of one placenta, nor two cords running the risk of entanglement in the same sac, nearly all of the potential complications we had been fearing with this type of twin pregnancy instantly evaporated with this news. Our surviving twin would now have the chance to develop as it would in a more “typical” single pregnancy and also amazingly now have the potential to be carried all the way to term. While meanwhile, my body would eventually “absorb” our angel baby over time. (Something I’ve actually come to find very comforting, that I’m still physically carrying this tiny baby throughout the course of our pregnancy.) To put it simply, the death of one twin was now giving our other twin a greater chance at a healthy life.
It felt like an impossible pairing of news to take in all at once. And initially, I just couldn’t. All I could think about in the weeks following our appointment was the sound of our angel twin’s heartbeat that we had heard so strongly just the week before. I was devastated that we would never get to hold this precious child in our arms, or see what our very own identical twins would have looked like side by side, or laughed at the inevitable epic twin pranks we sure hoped they would have pulled. Even though our twin pregnancy was brief, I know that so many of you also know from experience how quickly your heart can attach to these little ones. It just felt like such a loss. And I quickly found myself overwhelmed with anxiety that we might then lose our second baby too.
Thankfully, though, this baby is still with us today and is continuing to grow strong. So while my body has been in the process of quite literally letting go and holding on tight, our hearts have been doing their best to follow its lead.
The loss of our angel twin still feels raw and hard and is constantly on my mind, but I’m so grateful for those precious few weeks that we got to spend together. And I find comfort in knowing that our child will forever have a little sibling rooting him or her on from heaven. As for our surviving twin, whew, I can’t even describe our relief that this little one has mercifully stayed snuggled in there tightly these past few months. Our baby has grown from being the size of a poppyseed to the size of a pear (yes, cue all of the cheesy pregnancy apps!) and loves to show off its long arms and legs and dance moves every time we’re in for an ultrasound. And with each passing day, this pregnancy has begun to feel more real and more exciting and more hopeful again, and we are grateful.
Well fast-forward to today, and I’m happy to report that our baby made it through the rest of the first trimester with flying colors.
And thus far, we are all LOVING second trimester life together. ♡
That 13-week milestone definitely gave our hearts a welcome boost of confidence, as does each passing week that this little one continues to grow. And while everything that I was experiencing physically in the first trimester honestly felt secondary to what we were walking through emotionally, I’m am definitely very relieved that the intense nausea, vomiting, exhaustion that also accompanied my first trimester is now almost completely gone too. Turns out that it’s pretty hard to try run a food blog with constant cooking, taste-testing, photographing, and writing about food when the smell of food basically sends you running for the bathroom, lol. (I already had a backlog of recipes already prepared that I ended up posting during that time. But if the writing these past few months has seemed a little lackluster, it’s because English muffins and egg drop soup were basically the only foods I could stand to eat!) I’m feeling so much better now, though, and my appetite has returned with gusto just in time for fall soup season. So I’m very relieved and happy to be back in the kitchen again and can’t wait to cook up some new recipes for you guys!
As you can see from the cover photo, my baby bump also totally “popped” recently, which has been surreal and comforting and crazy cool to watch grow from day to day. We also finally found out our baby’s gender a few days ago, which we look forward to sharing here soon once we’ve told family and friends. (Don’t worry, we won’t be doing a gender reveal party and starting any more wildfires!) Mostly though, we’re just feeling happy and lucky and grateful for each new day in this second trimester that we get to wake up still pregnant with this precious baby of ours. This whole journey has been such a reminder to us of what a sheer miracle it is that any new baby makes its way into the world. And we will forever see the gift of this pregnancy through the lens of everything it took us to get here. So we don’t take a single moment of having this bun-in-the-gimme-some-oven for granted.
And we cannot wait for the day when we will finally get to hold this little one in our arms. ♡♡♡
Lots of Love
I just wanted to conclude with a word of thanks for all of the love and encouragement you all have continued to send our way throughout this journey. It still feels surreal that I’ve never met most of you in person. But whew, your kind comments, emails, prayers, and love have meant so much and have carried us through some really hard times this past year. So from the bottom of our hearts, Barclay and I again just want to say thank you.
And for those of you who have also walked through infertility, miscarriage, or any form of pregnancy or infant loss — especially those of you who may be in the midst of it all right now — you are on my heart today and always. Sending lots of extra love your way today. ♡
I promise to be back here with some more updates over the next few months. But in the meantime, you can follow more of our life here in Barcelona over on my personal Instagram account if you’d like. Here on the blog, we will be back to recipes later this week. (With the yummiest pumpkin cinnamon rolls ever, get ready!)
Thank you so much for reading, everyone. Un abrazo fuerte from Barcelona!
Oh honey, what a tumultuous ride that you’ve been on emotionally. So sorry for your loss. Know that your readers are so very happy for you guys. Blessings and good health over the next few months.
Congratulations! I have been a follower since before you even dated Barclay and I am so so happy for you both. I am also sorry for your loss – miscarriage and infertility are such difficult paths to follow. Much love to you both.
Huge Congrats! I have read your story and make your recipes weekly. I am beyond happy for you guys!
I have two little ones 20 months apart! A 2 year old and a 5 month old. We have lost one as well in between. Rainbows are such perfect little miracles ? ??
I am so happy for you!!! So VERY happy!
Know that in life, some our deepest and strongest loves have come from a loss, deep hurt, or even a tragedy…but you will always and ever have that joy of Discovery and immediate love that will be with you always.
God’s blessings coming your way. And again, I am so happy for you both.
(I adore your recipes! The roasted sweet potato tacos…oh, my gosh!!!!!!!)
Oh my goodness, what a journey! Love and prayers for you, my friend ❤️. I love your recipes! I have never found so many wonderful recipes in one place. Please keep them coming. And stay healthy!
Congratulations!!! God has blessed you and your husband indeed!!!
I have two beautiful grown sons…18 and 24 who are precious to my husband and me as we also experiences infertility and used IVF. God has been so good to us. I was waiting and waiting to see news of your IVF results, and I am over the moon excited for you and your cute Barclay. Because of my journey and similarities with two friends we started a group at our church called Strength For Today to meet with hurting women.
There are some excellent books out there to help deal with the heartache and loss associated with infertility. If you would like the titles I would be glad to share! Congratulations and I love your positivity and grateful heart so beautifully displayed in your post. I will be praying for your sprout and for your hearts to continue to heal from the loss of your angel twin.
? Beth Bohlmann
Congratulations! I am over the moon for you guys!
felicitations 2 veces :-) todo lo mentor para la pequeña familia
Congratulations to both of you! Your journey has been long, but there are so many blessings in that journey that you both share. May God continue to bless you both. Looking forward to the arrival!! Cheers to you and Barclay!!
Twins, wow, congratulations!
Congratulations! What a journey you are taking! I’m very sorry for your loss but hope that all goes well for the remainder of your pregnancy. You look positively glowing! I look forward to reading more about your journey and hope and pray that it will all be positive.
So happy for you two-oops, I meant three! Mary Lou Sandquist, friend of Doug Conlan and your parents!
BRAVO! So thrilled for you and Barclay. What a blessing. May your journey be filled with joy and God’s continued blessings. Look forward to reading about what’s happening next, with your food blog, but for now, mostly your precious darling bambino! ?
Congratulations you guys!!! So happy for you! Stay safe and healthy
Congratulations! How wonderful, even with the bittersweet times. I understand the pain of infertility, after 4 1/2 years, and doctors just saying it wasn’t fixable or possible(it was, it was stage 4 endo and requires 2 excision surgeries) we conceived our little boy in March 2020…he’s probably going to be here around new years! I hope the rest of your pregnancy is a breeze and even with the sometimes icky symptoms you find reasons to smile…<3
You and Barclay are very strong people to have been through so much in order to have your baby.
You are to be so admired for that inner strength you have shown to all of us.
Much of you’re excitement has traveled into my heart ❤️ this journey is so personally yours and yet, so universal ???thank you
So many emotions felt in one posting. Happy for your pregnancy, thrilled for your twins and saddened for the loss of one of your twins. Take life slowly taking care of this little miracle. Congratulations to your both.
Congratulations! What a roller coaster so far, and it’s barely started. So happy for y’all!
Congratulations!! Such wonderful news! Sending prayers for good health for you and your sweet baby.
What a journey you have been on, Ali! So thankful to hear that you are pregnant. What a precious gift from the Lord this child is! Praying your transition into parenting is a sweet one. Many blessings on your family of three! :)
So happy for you and Barclay!!!!!!
Hey, congrats–I sympathize heavily with your journey having struggled with infertility for a long time before my husband and I moved to Italy and began the process of treatment. We miscarried a successful IUI transfer and it was heartbreaking (not to mention challenging in a foreign country) before we found out we were pregnant again a few months later spontaneously. Ours, too, is due right around my husband’s birthday in early March. Auguri (y felicidades)!
Thank you for sharing!!! I am sad for your loss but also excited for you about your baby!! Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy!!
I have never commented on a post on any blog ever but felt compelled to write after reading about your IVF journey. The parallels between your experience and mine are almost uncanny: undergoing IVF as an American expat; three viable embryos; the surprise of identical twins despite only putting one back through FET; the loss of one twin in the first trimester. It is so bizarre to go through what feels such a uniquely unusual series of events only to discover someone else — whose blog I have been following for years, no less– has gone through the same thing!
In the darkest moments, I yearned in vain for someone who had been through it all to tell me it would turn out alright. So here it is: the rollercoaster of our particular situation (and it sounds like yours, too) was so worthwhile! My little boy was carried to full term with no complications and will be one year old in a few weeks. I have been grateful every day for every event, however gruelling, that led us to this point.
…not to mention grateful for your incredible recipes, which our son loves as much as we do! Wishing you every happiness for the journey about to begin — it is the best there is!
Awwwwww, Allie, I am so happy for you and your husband!!! I’m pretty new to your blog, but I’ve been checking it out over the past month or so, and love the content. This is the most wonderful news, and I’m overjoyed for the both of you! But at the same time, I feel your sorrow over the loss of one of the twins–I can’t imagine how hard that must have been. But God is good, and you’ll see that little baby in heaven one day. For now, enjoy the excitement as you anticipate the arrival of your precious little miracle, and I’ll be praying for a safe and healthy pregnancy for you, especially amidst all the COVID craziness <3
Oh Ali, so happy for you and Barclay! You’ve had a long, tough journey, and it’s amazing to finally hear that you are pregnant! Praying for you to have a safe pregnancy and birth, and that praying that you will feel at peace with the loss of your angel twin ♡
Ali, I am so happy for you and Barclay. I had tears in my eyes as I read. Thank you for sharing
your personal story. I know it helped many people going through the same struggle.
I met Barclay at a Jelly Bean function. My husband and I are friends with Doug C, whom Barclay knows – I think through his father.
I love your blog and your recipes. You have such a talent – for cooking, caring, and writing.
Congratulations. You look amazing and have that beautiful glow. Thank you for sharing your story.
Congratulations guys! I only recently started following your journey and I am happy it ended well for you and your husband. God bless the little one. With your hands may you carry and nurture your bundle of joy in good health, joy and happiness. God bless your family!!!
CONGRATULATIONS! I have followed you on and off for years and am back on your site after awhile (2020 = lots of stressed out takeout as opposed to cooking) and I am SO HAPPY to see this news! You will be such an incredible mom! I’m thrilled for you!
Hello Ali. I found your blog today looking for healthy peanut butter cookies to take w us on a visit to see our young granddaughter in NC. I then became absorbed in your story as my husband and I had experienced infertility as well. We adopted our son from Korea after years of trying to get pregnant and when the infertility process had just gotten to be too much for me. It was something we already had hoped to do someday. I got pregnant right away after his arrival. Eight years w no children then two in ten months! We adopted our daughter less than two years later, and now have three delightful adult children within three years of each other, a special daughter in law, and a granddaughter we love beyond words. Children are such a gift. I was so happy to hear your story has developed so well so far, even though you have had the desperate loss of a child in the midst of your joy. That sweet angel will remain w you the rest of your life to be sure. I look forward to hearing more of your and Barclay’s story in the future, and wish you all the very best for you both and your sweet baby.
Yes. We have two children because of IVF. One 18 and the other 14. What a ride. They are truely are blessings. Prayers that the last months go by good and no problems.
Hey Ali! Praying for You and Barclay! God bless! Cannot wait to see your baby arrive!!? I wish the best for you and Barclay! I am so sorry for your loss for your other twin! ? I am so glad to hear , the other twin stayed! Also, I would like you to soon tell GimmeSomeOven your baby’s gender! Excited to hear!!
– Sending Love from the USA
Congratulations on your wonderful blessing!! Thank you for sharing your story.
I have never seen a more genuinely happy/elated smile than these picture of you in this post. I’m so happy for you that your dream is coming true. Sending virtual hugs and prayers to you, Barclay and baby. I only check in to your blog every couple of months and then catch up marathon style so I can’t tell you how happy I am to read this!
Congratulations! Welcome to the joys of carrying a fall baby! They keep you extra warm! Lol! Keeping positive thoughts for your little family! Much love from Eugene Oregon!
I’ve been following you for years and always love your recipes. I find so much inspiration from your cooking. I’m in happy and sad tears reading about your journey. I am so glad you’re a mama to your angel baby and the baby who’s joining you next year. I’m sending you love and will keep you in my prayers!
omg so so happy for you guys!!! congratulations!!! this is indeed the most difficult and most beautiful moments and then a life time of love <3<3<3
God is good. I am joyed for your happy news, and sad for your loss. And I believe someday you will find your angel baby waiting for you.
You had better get a food grinder so you can feed your long-awaited little one all the yummy things you share here! Congratulations.
I’m not usually a reader of blogs as I generally skip to the food video and the recipe as I’m always short on time. However, your story was captivating and it will make cooking and enjoying your recipes much more sweeter. I truly wish the best for you and I know that in March you’ll have something sweet in your arms to smell, love and enjoy!! That is some journey!
Congratulations on your beautiful rainbow baby! I am so sorry for your loss. I’ve enjoyed your recipes for a few years, and I am so happy that you’ve chosen to share this story with us. I know your pain and joy and anxiety and I am rooting for you and Bebe!
Congratulations on the good news. Thank you for sharing the happy, sad, and anxious details of your journey. I so enjoy your blog and I hope that you have nothing but good news for the rest of this pregnancy.
Congratulations on your Blessed Event!
I recently discovered your blog. Thank you very much for sharing.
I am glad that you are enjoying your life in Barcelona. Perhaps you know Carlos Ruiz Zafon’s books, set in Barcelona. (I read them in English, since I couldn’t find the Spanish originals.)
Best of luck to you.
Thank you again.
Congratulations to you guys!!! This is such beautiful news to share, and God has blessed you!!
This is going to be the best-fed little baby around; your recipes are always so perfect and a go-to for so many people! xxx
Soooo happy for you two! Thanks for sharing with us!
Oh my goodness – what a story! I have enjoyed many of your recipes for years, but today was the first day I admit that I took the time to read your bio. I am SO happy for you and your husband and I send you all of the prayers and good vibes for a healthy rest of your pregnancy! I’m so sorry you went through all that you did to get your precious miracle, including losing one of your twins. I had an ectopic pregnancy before I conceived my daughter. I promise you the loss that you endure makes you grateful every. single. day. for that sweet life. I’m sure my daughter will get sick me telling her how grateful I am for her, hopefully not! Cheers to you!
CONGRATULATIONS! i went through my own fertility nightmare so i can relate to your experience. One positive thing that came out of that (besides my children) is that never once have i thought “why did i want kids?” as so many do. Enjoy your pregnancy and cherish that miracle baby!
Very sorry for your loss…