ridiculousness.

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So, I woke up this morning, and had a small revelation:

I have been a bit ridiculous lately.

Ok, maybe more than a bit. :)

I am leaving in five days for an amazing Europe trip I have been looking forward to for months. My itinerary is a dream come true, I get the privilege of seeing a good friend’s beautiful love story continue with her wedding, and I get to spend 2 of the 3 weeks I will be gone traveling England with some of the most amazing friends a girl could ask for.

But while I should be living it up in the days beforehand soaking up time with friends and family, and taking in all of the beauty that is Christmastime in Kansas City, I have admittedly been in a mad, mad dash to try and get “ahead” with blogging and wrap up a million loose ends with work before I leave. I have 3 huge to-do lists posted on my refrigerator which kick up my anxiety level each time I pass by, and have been pulling ridiculously late nights trying to get everything done. And even during the times that I have set aside to spend with friends and family this week, I feel like the to-do lists are silently pounding in the background.

Story of my life. For better and worse, the Enneagram confirms that I am a 3 — an “achiever”. In good times, this can result in good and true things getting done. In bad times, it can be my default to try and prove my worth or feel a sense of accomplishment. And I think it’s safe to say I have been trying to achieve the heck out of life this month.

But today, I yield. And remember who it is that I want to be, and who I think I was created to be. And try to let go (at least for a minute) of who I think people might expect me to be. Because I’m pretty sure most of those expectations are a creation of my own, and that no one seriously expects a blog post every day I’m gone on vacation, or for me to be on social media for “x” hours/day, or for me to somehow pull crazy long days. Quite the opposite, I’m sure. My friends constantly overwhelm and bless me with their encouragement and love, and I know that me being healthy and leading more of a balanced life is probably what they would love more than anything. (I can see their knowing smiles now as they gently tell me to “relax”.)

So anyway, I don’t know if this counts as venting online, or a plea to hold me accountable. But either way, at least for today, I will publicly say that I’m hoping to do a little less, sleep a little more, and relax and enjoy this week a LOT before I go. If any of you are in the same boat, hope that we can encourage one another to do the same. And really take some time to enjoy this season that is meant to remind us of the peace, love, hope and joy that can overflow in our lives each day. :)