Gimme Some Oven

When Being Single Just Feels HARD

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When Being Single Just Feels Hard |

I never quite know when those moments will come, when the weight of being single will come crashing down upon my chest.

Those moments have been fewer and farther between over the past few years.

But without fail, they always come.

And boy, they’ll knock the wind out of you.

The moments

For me, it’s always moments. I’ve never been one to really get down and stay down for days or weeks on end about being single. It’s more random moments that hit fast and hit hard, and then take awhile to process and bounce back from.

I wish I could say that I have learned over the years to predict when those moments will come. Sure, there are some of the obvious triggers like weddings, or holidays, or even just scrolling through Facebook feeds filled with happy couples and babies and families galore. But more often than not, it is the tiniest of things that unexpectedly cause a catch in my throat and fill my eyes with tears. Like watching a couple I’m with exchange a knowing look and smile. Or coming home with some great news with no one there waiting. Or waking up for the thousandth morning in a row next to an empty pillow. Or walking into church or a party or gathering alone. Or watching freaking Parenthood, where even watching the roller coaster of those relationships leaves me wishing I had a Joel or Adam or Crosby of my own.

It’s like grief, the way those feelings sneak up on you without warning and then instantly overtake you. And while sometimes I’m in public or in the middle of a project and have to just block out those feelings and press on, I have learned from experience over the years that it’s best to just ride out the wave. And not overanalyze everything. Because after days or weeks or years of staying strong and holding it together, usually the best thing in the world is to yield to the grief and let it out.

The grief

For those who aren’t single, I know it might sound melodramatic to associate being single with grief. But I have come to believe that’s exactly what it is at times.

Let me be clear. I love my life, single and all. And I have written a handful of times on here before about how I’ve found many things about the single life to be empowering and awesome. And I absolutely believe in living life — wherever it finds you — to the fullest. But that doesn’t change the fact that I still would love to be married, and that I have dreamed dreams and hoped hopes over the years that simply were left unmet. And I grieve those things.

I grieve the fact that I didn’t get to experience young love and marriage like so many of my friends, and alongside so many of those friends. I grieve the fact that I didn’t get to meet my husband when we were in the smooth-skinned, wrinkle-free, heads-full-of-hair, bursting-with-energy “prime” of our youth. I grieve that a guy never got to see me lead worship in my first job, and I never got to cheer him on with his first promotion, and stay up late dreaming and planning where our careers would lead. I grieve that we didn’t get to choose all of our “firsts” together — first city, first home, first set of pots and pans, first Craigslisted-couch, first dog, first car, first broken toilet that we fix together, and on and on. I grieve that — even if I do meet someone — we will in some ways be years behind so many of my peers in experiencing all of those “firsts” of marriage, and being newlyweds, and starting a family, and quite simply just getting to really know everything about each other. I grieve that my age is becoming an increasing factor in whether or not having kids of our own would even be possible. I grieve that there is no one on the horizon.

Sure, I can play devil’s advocate on all of these. And I often do with myself, because I absolutely know that the years I’ve been single have (for the most) part been wonderful. And if a guy does happen to come along in the future, I also know that relationship will be great in its own special way. But that doesn’t discount the fact that I had dreams of how I hoped things would go. And when those dreams or prayers were not answered as I had hoped, something deep inside me just aches.

The heartache

Really, that’s the best word I can use to describe the really hard days and moments that I have being single. It’s heartache, in the most literal and emotional way. You know the feeling, when a weight presses down on your chest so hard that you can barely breathe, and then somehow buries deep into your soul? That kind of ache.

It’s not really jealousy. Trust me, I struggle with jealousy and comparison in all sorts of other areas of life. But with relationships, I’ve strangely always been encouraged by watching other good marriages. It’s also not really anger either. Occasionally I get mad about the situation and vent to friends or have it out with God. But even with God, as counter-whatever it may seem, I’ve always felt like He gets that grief more than anyone. And He has seen me through so many years and I don’t doubt He will continue to do so. So there’s no one or nothing really to be mad at.

No, I think the main thing I feel is just that ache of sadness. Sad that I’m still walking this road. Sad that it is downright exhausting at times doing life on your own. Sad that I have absolutely no idea or hint of what lies ahead. Sad because I would just love the chance to love. Sad that there’s a decent chance that might never happen for me.

Some days, my heart just aches.

The response

I’m not going to package this up with a nice pretty bow and a list of 5 steps for how to handle these moments. Because if I read that in someone else’s post, it would probably make me cringe. But mostly because, like I said, I honestly don’t think there’s a ton to “do”.

Sometimes I cry, sometimes I pray, sometimes I call a friend, sometimes I go for a walk, sometimes I just snuggle with my dog, sometimes I make myself a bowl of my favorite egg drop soup. But most times, I try my best to just be present in the moment and listen to my heart. Sometimes a specific issue will rise to the surface about being single that I need to deal with, maybe on my own, or with God, or something I should bring up with a group of friends or a therapist or something. But I’ve come to find that most of the time, I’m usually just sad and that’s all there is to it.

And that’s ok.

So yeah. I’m still that someone who’s all about enjoying life being single, and feeling empowered and chasing after dreams and living life to the fullest. But I’m also someone who has spent plenty of time in the valleys, learning the outlines of the shadows that come with this territory when all seems lost. And I’ve come to believe these moments are just as important as the highs.

But as my old pastor used to say, the worst thing is never the last thing. And somehow, the light and joy that come with the morning always come again. Always.

So to any of you dear friends who find yourself in the midst of those hard days, I raise my glass to you and the courage and strength it takes to get through. And I offer that you’re not alone. And remind you — and myself — that it will get better.

It will.

If you’re interested, here are some other posts I’ve written about being single.

**Update: I just wanted to pop in and say how completely blown away I am for all of your thoughtful responses below. I read every single one, and am so grateful for each of you who share.

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233 comments on “When Being Single Just Feels HARD”

  1. Ali,

    Never seen your page before but a friend reposted it on facebook. I don’t know you from Adam(Eve I suppose is more appropriate), so forgive the post but it is helping me process through some things myself. Thanks for your words, and despite being a man, I have had the same struggle and many of the same thoughts. Amidst multiple overseas deployments, I have come all too familiar with too little fellowship and too much loneliness, watching many friends build the life I hoped for. While I am far from perfect, I have strived hard to honor the Lord with my life and keep sacred what is sacred should I ever meet my wife…at times I question if its all worth it.

    It is hard to maintain perspective or find understanding as to why, and I can’t really offer any either. I am 30 and will soon be facing yet another trip to the desert. If I can offer hope, however, it is this: you are not alone, and there are men out there who are dealing with the same struggles. I am confident you and I and those who carry similar burdens will find one eventually, its literally just a matter of time. Until then, pursue the Lord as much as you can.

    On an entirely unrelated note, holy crap your food looks amazing.

  2. Yep. You hit the nail on the head with this one. xo.

  3. 1. You are awesome. Thanks for being vulnerable and real. So many blogs these days are about projecting “perfection”, which makes me want to gag and scroll on to the next.

    2. If you haven’t already, run (don’t walk!) and buy The Between Boyfriends book by Cindy Chupack. I mean it!

    3. You’re awesome.

  4. I stumbled on your blog through pinterest. Thank you SO much for sharing your heart about being single. I feel like you’re in my head. Thank you, thank you, thank you for articulating what is so hard for me to say sometimes.

  5. Thank you. I wish I could accurately put into words how your posts on single life in your 30s have spoken right to my heart. This post in particular came at the exact time I needed to see it. Thank you for being so open and honest; you’re right, sometimes being single just feels hard.

  6. Thank you for your courage and your heartfelt and emotional honesty. Your words brought me to tears since it so beautifully echoed my own grief, sadness and heartache about being single. While I second your comments about loving the single life, it is an odd feeling & experience to describe to another the pains of being single in your 30s ultimately feels like. You’ve written about it with such precision and beauty. Continue doing what you’re doing, loving what you’re doing and things will fall into place.

  7. Wow, your vulnerability is commendable. I don’t know you but reading this beings back memories. This is exactly where I was in my 30s. I was waiting and waiting and waiting on The Lord to bless me with marriage. I started to analyze, no criticize myself pointing out all the things wrong with me for the reasons I’m still single. When The Lord finally opened that door I learned that He just wanted to work more in my heart and the heart of my now husband. I pray for you to be blessed with a Godly man in His time. He makes all things beautiful in His time.

  8. I commend you for talking about this so openly – you should be so proud. I struggled with the same issues myself and completely empathize. I prayed and prayed and prayed…and often heard “Not yet.” I assure you that God has a plan for your life – but I say that knowing that having that type of faith is easier said than done. Continue doing all the wonderful things you are doing – and when you least expect it your days of being single will be a thing of the past. You are awesome!!!

  9. Waiting is such a hard test. I was divorced for five years after suffering nine years with an young man who had a terrible problem with drinking. I knew I was destined to be a wife and mother and yet I too faced the fact that the Lord may had destined me to be single. After five years He brought to my parents door a wonderful Christian man and it was instantly knowing that we were meant to be together. Three months later we were married and have been in the ministry working together here and as full time missionaries overseas for 37 years now with a wonderful son. It has not always been easy for sure…many time great agony, but now we are gloriously happy as we grow older together.

    Hang in there and don’t give up. Things can and do change in an instant. He has all your steps planned and has not forgotten your desires. Just wait a little longer! Maybe sooner than you think.

  10. Thank you so much for sharing an other part of real and vulnerable you. I’m totally blown away.

    Have a nice day.

  11. Ali, I have just stumbled across this post today and am blown away by how well written it is, how open you are, and how it sums up perfectly how I felt when I was single. I just got married one year ago and I was 39! I can’t tell you how many hours I spent discussing the whys and hows and what-to-dos with my single friends in my 20s and 30s, but I always hoped that my experience (which, you are right, really is a bit like grief) would encourage others if I ever did get married. I know you don’t want to hear any platitudes (I know, you’ve heard them all a hundred times!) but I would like to share that for me the turning point was when I suddenly realised that there WERE things I could do to help myself move towards marriage. I think these things vary from person to person, but for me I suddenly became quite determined and after about a year with this new outlook I did actually find ‘the one’. I’m not saying this is how it should be for you, just what worked for me. :-)
    Obviously I don’t know what your path will look like, but I actually don’t think that 30 is old at all and that you still have plenty of time!
    Oh, the other thing that jumped out at me in this post is what you were saying about grieving having the chance to experience all those ‘firsts’ with a husband. Well … I’ve found that I have actually experienced many ‘firsts’ with my husband in this first year of marriage, and I can’t imagine that it’s with any less excitement and joy than a younger couple would experience. ;-)
    Thanks again for this wonderful read. I have a couple of single friends who I know will really appreciate reading it!

  12. I’m almost 50 and single. A facebook friend posted this and I clicked on it to read. I’d just come from the dentist where I learned my insurance won’t cover the $800 crown I need. $800 is a hundred dollars shy of my rent. When I think of married couples who split rents and mortgages, I get the very exhausted grief you describe and think, “Lord, really? I get it that I’m talented and strong and independent and creative and [add self-affirming adjective]. But I am so tired. So tired of doing all this on my on.” I work full time and go to school full time and work out three times a week and am constantly learning new things–but what I wouldn’t give for a hand to hold and a kiss on the forehead. Anyhoo, this helped me. Thank you. Bless you.

  13. Hey girl! This just was so beautifully done! Your amazing! I think my own singleness has pushed my relationship with God in a good and tough way. Trusting His plan is harder then heck these days. All the whys circulate through my head all the time. But I’m choosing to try everyday to put faith in him. My heart,his hands. Ill be praying for you and all the other girls on here.

  14. Catching up on your blog (aka stalking?) but I just had to comment on this post. You are so brave and I know you’re helping so many people with these posts.

    I love what your pastor said about the worst thing never being the last thing. So encouraging for any situation anyone might be in. So comforting to know God has an awesome plan.

    Also, I have to disagree on one point. Wrinkles? Show me one wrinkle that you have. ;)

  15. Thank you again Ali

  16. Hey Ali, I just turned 30 two days ago and have been fighting one big moment all week. I couldn’t have said it better – so thank you. I don’t understand it, but I know God does.

  17. It was a bit scary reading your post. I mean, I thought you were 50 somethingy but when i realize you were just a beautiful 30.

    Shuck gurl! Chin up!I am 32 and…SINGLE. I have known panic attacks and sudden dropping of BP but i know and i know and i know that my vocation is to marriage and God is Good as his Promises. It WILL happen.
    I am not a dating person either and super-picky but hey, the Lord’s daughter deserves only the best. He is not such a meanie to hold out on you.

    Be sure of your God-given vocation. Then HOLD ON TO IT. TIGHT. It is faith beyond seeing. I would like to call it- Abraham’s-testing-for-single-women-in-the-21-Century.

    That being said- I’ll carry you in my prayers. This too will pass.

  18. Thanks for sharing, Ali. I know exactly what you mean & have been there myself, more so in the past year around the holidays. I had all out sob fests & have struggled to come to terms with my situation. I also had to remind myself of rock-solid promises found in God’s Word & choose to believe them. Thanks for encouraging me to live life to the fullest right where I am!

  19. This was beautifully and truthfully written and I just want to tell you I’ve been EXACTLY where you are. In fact, if I were as eloquent as you I would swear I was reading my own words! I am freshly 39 and did not meet my husband until I was almost 36. I can completely relate to your grief. I grieve all those things too even though I am married. My husband is almost 9 years younger than me and I worry that my age will catch up with me one day and he will want someone younger. I worry that I won’t be able to have a child because I didn’t have the opportunity to even try until just recently — when everyone else has 10 year olds. Some of my best friends who are my age are still single and I don’t know why. All you can do is just trust that you are exactly where you are supposed to be at this moment, and trust in the Lord with everything you have. I will never forget how it felt to be single for SO LONG and I want to thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I think it makes a lot of us feel like we aren’t alone. PS You’re only 30!!!! You have TONS of time to meet someone! Thanks again for sharing yourself with us!

  20. Hi Ali. Thanks for this post; it’s a friendly reminder that even though I am alone, I am truly not alone in this. I am only 22 so I am not worried about marriage or kids (that’s a whole ‘nother decade for me) but I never had a boyfriend nor anything that resembles that. And my first kiss was a opportunity I took just because I was tired of the questions I got from people (and the intense embarrassment) when I said I was 21 and never been kissed. I try to be strong and I try to remember that everything happens for a reason and my happy relationship will come one day but I often feel the ache of loneliness and the lack of partnership in some of the difficulties I go through. But anyways thank you again for the post, it’s a nice reminder that I don’t have to keep it together 100% of the time.

  21. Thanks for this post! I know exactly what you’re talking about. In fact, I had one of those moments yesterday when looking at a picture of my cousin with his new baby and our Grandma. I’m so happy for him but couldn’t help feeling that grief and worry that I might not have that moment with our Grandma. Still, I agree that it’s important to recognize those feelings but not let them define or take over your life. Reading your blog is like having tea with a good and understanding friend. It’s nice to know there are others out there who are experiencing similar situations.

  22. Hi Ali, absolutely true to a T. I am in the relationship with my man and am happy still I have grieved for not marrying, no children, no school concerts etc. I too believe in living a full life but my man has done all this and isn’t interested in going another round and my body clock and health is past it. I’ve chosen being with a loving man as the companionship is what I have craved more than anything (just like you).

    • Hello Ali,thank you for your insightful article as I can relate to what you said all to well.I am a 45 year old man who is single,never married with no children and never been in a relationship with a woman.Life I feel for me is passing me by in that regard and I personally feel I have a lot to offer a woman if given the chance.I cannot even begin to tell you how tough it is to come home to an empty home and waking up alone.I just seem to get by day to day and try to just keep my head above water and other days I just want to throw my arms in the air out of frustration and yell why me?I am currently trying online dating sites but personally begin to feel that it all just a scam and surely there must be an easier way to meet people.At my age I am fearful I will never meet the woman of my dreams and maybe God has a secret plan for me.Life sometimes is not fair at all and but alas tomorrow is another day.

  23. Hi there. I’m 72, vibrant, enthusiastic, beautiful and feel exactly, EXACTLY as you describe. D

  24. This was exactly what I needed to read today. Thank you :)

  25. So true, especially the part about the different of sadness & the literal ache versus any moments of jealousy or anger.

    I knew that trading out my career in my mid-20s before it began to care for my aging parents would be tough (watching my mother die and seeing my father deteriorate over this past decade), but I didn’t fully foresee how losing out on being an economic provider would rule me out of the dating pool by my mid-30s. I know that they always kvetch that men don’t have the same biological limitations as women, but we have the same “missing out on firsts” issue…

    …and I’ve just spent a painful decade watching the result of waiting until one’s 40s to have children — any kids I do have if I meet someone by a miracle will never know their grandmother and will probably also at this point never know their grandfather.

  26. 100%, girl. I hear ya.  Thank you for putting so eloquently into words what I have so often felt but have been unable to explain to myself or to others.  I know that God has a perfect plan for my life, and whether that includes a husband or not, it will all come to fruition one day, but holy crap the waiting is hard!  

  27. Thank you so much for this blog. I read so many articles online on how to deal with the loss and grief of being single (I am in my mid 30s) but this one is the best so far. When you are really ready for love and parenthood, not knowing when you will meet your future partner and whether this will be on time is really hard. Most coupled people will not understand how it feels. 
    Keep on writing, you are confirming the feelings of many single people, and I guess we need each other’s support. 

  28. So….I have no idea HOW I didn’t see this original post….but holy.moly. I’m glad I did now!!!!!!!!! It’s like you were inside my head and there with me for my very hard “moments” too! I never thought of it like grieving, but it REALLY is!! I’m 32, and have never been the girl that says “my eggs are drying up” or “I need to be married by __ and have kids by __” but this year has been really tough for me being single. I’ve never been a depressed person and REALLY don’t think I am….but geez…I get those moments. Thank you SO so much for expressing what I can not. And even though we know we aren’t the only ones, thank you for the reminder and encouragement :) You are one of my soul sisters now! Will pray that that we all find our guys that don’t fit our lists…but fit God’s list for us!

  29. My friend Tracy shared this post with me this week and introduced me to your blog, and I’m SO thankful she did! Love reading this and your honesty about being single. I blog about it some too and I always get good feedback from others, but it’s so nice to find someone else who is speaking the truth. I feel and have felt these words you speak here down in the depths of my heart too, and I can empathize. But you are so right with the encouragement at the end, It will get better. This isn’t all that there is. Praise the Lord! Thank you for sharing your words!

  30. Great post, Ali. I stumbled across your blog today, and have been reading all your Single posts. You’re spot on. I’m single, almost 33, and these moments hit me, too.

    I am the same as you; most days I am OK. I’ve figured out how to navigate my life and although I want someone to share life with, most days I am OK. But there are moments, you’re 100% right, where the wind gets knocked out of you. For me, it’s when I hear about yet another friend or family member having a baby. I desperately want a family of my own and at 33, that old biological clock is just ticking and tocking away. I have friends and family members having their 2nd and 3rd (and even 4th!) children and although I am completely happy for them, and love their kids, it breaks my heart, too.

  31. I can’t believe how you’ve written each and every single emotion that I’m going through in my life. None of what you’ve described is different in my life. I’m  glad that I got an opportunity to read my own emotions through your article. Although I’ve read several articles written for single women, nothing looked realistic like yours. Thank you so much. I’m going to read your other articles as well.

  32. Ali:

    I just came across this post while searching “soup” on your website(looking for that comfort soup?!), and I’m so thankful that I did.  It’s like you said everything I think and I feel every. single. day.  I feel like I am the perpetually single friend, and that can get so hard, but I am also so grateful that I am able to have the experiences that I do.  I just turned 30 and am hoping my life will take that turn to husband/kids/happily ever after, but for now I will constantly remind myself to enjoy the moments that I have right now.  

    Thank you for writing this honest, honest post and also for your amazing recipes.  Your website has become a happy place for me =)  Xo

  33. Ali – 

    I just stumbled on this post and I have to say it brought tears to my eyes because you touch on the very thing I am going through – I often go through – in such an elegant, graceful way. I totally get ‘the moments’, the heartaches (in non-jealousy, non-bitter ways), all the worries about timing and my/our age fast becoming a huge factor…everything. Being single is not “nice” but it is nice to know there is someone who knows how it feels sometimes and can offer such words of encouragement. Thank you for posting this, you’re an inspiration.

    Hugs and love to you. 


  34. Wow! Thank you for this. It was like you too every thought from my mind and put it on paper. I am 34 years old and still single to the point where I think it will never happen for me. Right now I am working on accepting that and seeing what my life will be like with this new reality. I am constantly beeting myself up for the sad/hurt feelings I do have and it is encouraging to know that I am not alone in these feelings – but it saddens me that you feel them to because at times it really hurts. Thankyou for your gone style and encourgement within that.

  35. i’ve spent some time reading through recipes on your blog thanks to pinterest, but something else brought me here tonight.

    i’m having one of those moments.

    here it is, the middle of the night, and i just can’t get past it.  i signed up for online dating tonight to get my mother and sister to quit pressuring me about being single.  then i went home.  panicked.  stressed.  cancelled it.  i didn’t know what to do next, but i knew i needed some encouragement.  i googled “when being single is hard” and this post was the very first thing i saw.

    it was the very thing i needed.

    you just said everything i’ve been feeling for years and years.  of course i’m grieving!  but it never occurred to me until i read it.  i, like you, love my single life.  i like the freedom, being able to do what i want, when i want.  but.  i’m also obsessed with babies.  totally and completely obsessed.  so much that the loss of not having any causes me heartache.  i do fine most of the time, but after hearing countless comments about how old i am and how my nephews want cousins to play with and “i saw this christian dating website commercial and i think you should do it” i’m having a moment when being single just feels hard.

    since you ended your post with a positive, how could i not do the same?
    psalm 62:5 “for god alone, o my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him.”

    much love to you <3

  36. Thank you for putting into words the ghosts that have been floating around in my head for decades.   I copied your text:  “I think the main thing is just an ache of sadness.  Sad that I’m still walking this road.  Sad that it is downright exhausting at times doing life on your own.  Sad that I have absolutely no idea or hint of what lies ahead.  Sad because I would just love the chance to love.  Sad that there’s a decent chance that might never happen for me.    Some days, my heart just aches.”  and I placed it in my phone so I can reach for it when my mind goes South.  Thank you, soul sister. Godspeed ❤

    • Thank you Diane, it means a lot to me that this resonated with you and has give you some hope and some light. Hang in there, and thank you for reading and for taking the time to share this with me! All the best.

  37. I derived some comfort from reading this post, because sometimes I think I’m weird, perhaps, hoping and praying for a male companion and friend. I’ve been single for almost thirty years, and I miss being married. I miss having the daily presence of a man in my life. For me the longing and discontent with being single started about a year ago. I don’t going about moping, but in the quiet I realize that I am very adrift and alone. I adore being with my girlfriends of twenty, thirty and more years. I have many friends among my church family. And my grandsons are my greatest love. But there also the only males I’ve kissed for many years. 

    I’ve been trying online dating. That’s been an interesting experience, but so far I’ve been approached by several con artists – it’s a dangerous world at these websites, so be careful! – and flirted with many men. But so far not one single thirty minute meet & greet at Starbucks in nine months. So, I’ve decided that it just isn’t meant for me. I’ve put in my profile that I’ve been married and I’ve been single, but I would prefer married. But despite the amazing numbers of great sounding guys available in my age group – I’m 61 – looking for women my age, apparently it just isn’t going to happen for me. 

    So, I’ll read your articles and change my prayers to become at peace with spending the next thirty or more years alone. I come from a long lived family, so my singleness will extend a long, long time. I found you at a good time.

  38. Oh, I forgot to mention that a scripture I’m repeating to myself is Isaiah 54:5 ESV:

    For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called.

    I’ve always been very close to God as Father, because mine left when I was three. This is a new concept, but not unheard of in my experience. I’ve had the pleasure of being around some very happily “married” Catholic Nuns. I will strive now to be as happily “married” married to the Lord as they, and I will rejoice in His perfect care of me.

  39. Thank you for writing this blog, this is exactly how it feels…

  40. This post is exactly what I needed to read at this moment. Just knowing that I’m not alone in my path. It is amazing how you describe the feelings of being single in your 30s (I am 32) because it’s so real. And that’s exactly how it feels. Trying my best to just live in the moment and enjoy my life but I experience those difficult days too.  Thank you so much for your honesty and sharing your experience! 

  41. Thank you so much for sharing.  I was just recently wondering, how come in my 20s I didn’t really feel this way?  I was content to do things on my own, I was such a free spirit.  Now, in my 30s, it is a bit different.  Maybe because mostly everyone else seems to be settling down…..and at the end of the day, they are going home to spouses/families, and once again, it’s just me and my dog.  Currently getting into my late 30s and trying to accept that I maybe won’t have a family in the conventional sense, and trying to be okay with it….I am just struggling, and it’s tough to find someone to turn to, someone who really understands.  Thank you so much for writing this.  Just reading the comments as well made me feel a little less alone.  :)  

    • Thanks for sharing Daisy. You are so not alone, and I’m glad this post helped remind you of that. Hang in there! : )

  42. Like so many others I stumbled across this post when the ‘ache’ became a little too much. It’s been good to allow myself to grieve a little whilst reading it. It does hurt so much sometimes, doesn’t it? I’m so glad you didn’t give easy fix its and false hopes. Just understanding of the sadness.
    It’s so easy to keep the grief hidden….it seems so unjustifiable compared to other people’s problems…acknowledging it will kill contentment forever….people will think I’m bitter….I’ll make happily married friends feel awkward about sharing their lives….friends will be reluctant to share their joys for fear of making me feel worse – the list could go on. So just hearing someone say it’s ok to hurt and it won’t always be like that is so helpful. Thank you!

  43. I want a girlfriend. And I have a hard time finding one. Can you help me out?
    And second. What can I do?

  44. Hi Ali,

    Thank you so much for your honesty, for your vulnerability. You don’t know how much you’ve been a blessing to me. I’ve been following your for years, making your delicious recipes and loving your photos. I’m turning 30 in a month and a half, and sometimes that singleness just hits hard. You are so right. It does pass, and God knows. 

    Thank you again! I hope you have a wonderful week!

  45. thanks Ali for sharing exactly how I have been feeing today. I am a single 46years female. I feel so lost concerning God,s plan and purpose for my life. But have been encouraged today by your post. Surely God has a plan for my life. Just have to keep trusting Him

  46. Very insightful and honest! Appreciate the candor and authenticity. 

  47. Well there are many of us good men out there that are Not single by choice, and would’ve preferred to have been married with a good wife and family.

  48. I sit here after reading your article and think how is it possible to read my thoughts,struggles, fears and so much more written by someone else. Today one of those waves hit me like Mack truck and weighed so heavily on my heart that at age 48, single and female felt the need to search for answers on the Internet and there was your article.  I would never wish my feelings on anyone yet I realize now I am not the only one and that makes it easier to breath a sigh of relief.  Thank you for sharing your story so honestly  and for speaking the truth for so many. 

  49. I came across your blog on pinterest tonight while searching for strong and single quotes.  I admit that I had to stop reading it multiple times to wipe my eyes.  I feel like those are my words.  It’s nice to know that there are others out there who understand what you are going through about the tough days, especially when everyone in your circle has no idea.  Thank you for sharing.

  50. I randomly came across this post and I feel like it’s a page from my journal. You have expressed so much of how I feel.  It comes in waves and I usually move past these emotions. But this past month has been a tough one as I’ve hit the big 4-0 and I’m still single.  I love my life. I know I’m exactly where God wants me to be.  But I do grief the things you’ve shared, I do long to be married and have someone to share life with. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in my thoughts…
    Thanks for sharing.