Gimme Some Oven

When Being Single Just Feels HARD

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When Being Single Just Feels Hard |

I never quite know when those moments will come, when the weight of being single will come crashing down upon my chest.

Those moments have been fewer and farther between over the past few years.

But without fail, they always come.

And boy, they’ll knock the wind out of you.

The moments

For me, it’s always moments. I’ve never been one to really get down and stay down for days or weeks on end about being single. It’s more random moments that hit fast and hit hard, and then take awhile to process and bounce back from.

I wish I could say that I have learned over the years to predict when those moments will come. Sure, there are some of the obvious triggers like weddings, or holidays, or even just scrolling through Facebook feeds filled with happy couples and babies and families galore. But more often than not, it is the tiniest of things that unexpectedly cause a catch in my throat and fill my eyes with tears. Like watching a couple I’m with exchange a knowing look and smile. Or coming home with some great news with no one there waiting. Or waking up for the thousandth morning in a row next to an empty pillow. Or walking into church or a party or gathering alone. Or watching freaking Parenthood, where even watching the roller coaster of those relationships leaves me wishing I had a Joel or Adam or Crosby of my own.

It’s like grief, the way those feelings sneak up on you without warning and then instantly overtake you. And while sometimes I’m in public or in the middle of a project and have to just block out those feelings and press on, I have learned from experience over the years that it’s best to just ride out the wave. And not overanalyze everything. Because after days or weeks or years of staying strong and holding it together, usually the best thing in the world is to yield to the grief and let it out.

The grief

For those who aren’t single, I know it might sound melodramatic to associate being single with grief. But I have come to believe that’s exactly what it is at times.

Let me be clear. I love my life, single and all. And I have written a handful of times on here before about how I’ve found many things about the single life to be empowering and awesome. And I absolutely believe in living life — wherever it finds you — to the fullest. But that doesn’t change the fact that I still would love to be married, and that I have dreamed dreams and hoped hopes over the years that simply were left unmet. And I grieve those things.

I grieve the fact that I didn’t get to experience young love and marriage like so many of my friends, and alongside so many of those friends. I grieve the fact that I didn’t get to meet my husband when we were in the smooth-skinned, wrinkle-free, heads-full-of-hair, bursting-with-energy “prime” of our youth. I grieve that a guy never got to see me lead worship in my first job, and I never got to cheer him on with his first promotion, and stay up late dreaming and planning where our careers would lead. I grieve that we didn’t get to choose all of our “firsts” together — first city, first home, first set of pots and pans, first Craigslisted-couch, first dog, first car, first broken toilet that we fix together, and on and on. I grieve that — even if I do meet someone — we will in some ways be years behind so many of my peers in experiencing all of those “firsts” of marriage, and being newlyweds, and starting a family, and quite simply just getting to really know everything about each other. I grieve that my age is becoming an increasing factor in whether or not having kids of our own would even be possible. I grieve that there is no one on the horizon.

Sure, I can play devil’s advocate on all of these. And I often do with myself, because I absolutely know that the years I’ve been single have (for the most) part been wonderful. And if a guy does happen to come along in the future, I also know that relationship will be great in its own special way. But that doesn’t discount the fact that I had dreams of how I hoped things would go. And when those dreams or prayers were not answered as I had hoped, something deep inside me just aches.

The heartache

Really, that’s the best word I can use to describe the really hard days and moments that I have being single. It’s heartache, in the most literal and emotional way. You know the feeling, when a weight presses down on your chest so hard that you can barely breathe, and then somehow buries deep into your soul? That kind of ache.

It’s not really jealousy. Trust me, I struggle with jealousy and comparison in all sorts of other areas of life. But with relationships, I’ve strangely always been encouraged by watching other good marriages. It’s also not really anger either. Occasionally I get mad about the situation and vent to friends or have it out with God. But even with God, as counter-whatever it may seem, I’ve always felt like He gets that grief more than anyone. And He has seen me through so many years and I don’t doubt He will continue to do so. So there’s no one or nothing really to be mad at.

No, I think the main thing I feel is just that ache of sadness. Sad that I’m still walking this road. Sad that it is downright exhausting at times doing life on your own. Sad that I have absolutely no idea or hint of what lies ahead. Sad because I would just love the chance to love. Sad that there’s a decent chance that might never happen for me.

Some days, my heart just aches.

The response

I’m not going to package this up with a nice pretty bow and a list of 5 steps for how to handle these moments. Because if I read that in someone else’s post, it would probably make me cringe. But mostly because, like I said, I honestly don’t think there’s a ton to “do”.

Sometimes I cry, sometimes I pray, sometimes I call a friend, sometimes I go for a walk, sometimes I just snuggle with my dog, sometimes I make myself a bowl of my favorite egg drop soup. But most times, I try my best to just be present in the moment and listen to my heart. Sometimes a specific issue will rise to the surface about being single that I need to deal with, maybe on my own, or with God, or something I should bring up with a group of friends or a therapist or something. But I’ve come to find that most of the time, I’m usually just sad and that’s all there is to it.

And that’s ok.

So yeah. I’m still that someone who’s all about enjoying life being single, and feeling empowered and chasing after dreams and living life to the fullest. But I’m also someone who has spent plenty of time in the valleys, learning the outlines of the shadows that come with this territory when all seems lost. And I’ve come to believe these moments are just as important as the highs.

But as my old pastor used to say, the worst thing is never the last thing. And somehow, the light and joy that come with the morning always come again. Always.

So to any of you dear friends who find yourself in the midst of those hard days, I raise my glass to you and the courage and strength it takes to get through. And I offer that you’re not alone. And remind you — and myself — that it will get better.

It will.

If you’re interested, here are some other posts I’ve written about being single.

**Update: I just wanted to pop in and say how completely blown away I am for all of your thoughtful responses below. I read every single one, and am so grateful for each of you who share.

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238 comments on “When Being Single Just Feels HARD”

  1. Oh my – thank you for this post. Exactly what I’m feeling. Even though I wept while reading it (don’t feel bad, I was already crying before I got here), it helped a little bit. I cling to the knowledge that God is working in my life to take the best care of me, and as long as I don’t do anything reckless I’ll be fine. Sad maybe, but fine.

  2. hey, I’m not sure who you are… But thank you so much for sharing your feelings on this matter… Because they mirror my own. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in the grief… For the longest time I thought I was just being over dramatic and that the pain was only in my head… But to hear someone else has felt it makes me feel a lot better. It is real, it’s painfully lonely. I have children…and they fill the majority of my heart with a love so powerful… But there’s still that void… The one small space in the back of my heart that is aching to expand… I know one day God will send me someone… But until then… With no prospects on the horizon… I feel incredibly lonesome. 

  3. THANK-YOU!!! This says it perfectly.

  4. You described so much of what I feel – the enjoyment of my single time and also the grief. Thank you for your honesty. It’s so refreshing and so comforting!

  5. I agree that being single sometimes feels like someone died. I am happy to read I am not the only person that has felt this way. I just learning all the good parts of being single, I am just divorced after 15 years of marriage. I never want to depend on a man again. But sometimes not having a person to hold you and just to feel that comfort is really missed. I think I need to get a Dog !!

  6. I just saw this post as a result of curated Pinterest pages… Thanks for expressing what single people experience. I am 54 years old. Like you, I am living life! I am a music educator who has had a fulfilling career for 33 years and I would like to continue to teach a few more years. After that, I look forward to ‘settling down’ and getting married if that’s God’s will. Your post is one of the most ‘real’ posts that I have read and I appreciate your candor. Please keep ’em coming. Today, I feel encouraged and empowered because of your potent, beautiful, and inspiring words. May God bless you for sharing your heart.

  7. This post was exactly what I needed to read tonight. I don’t feel so alone now knowing that I’m not the only one who just have off days and just moments of loneliness and longing. There are days where I cry wondering how I got to this place in my life and ended up alone. It’s comforting to know that I can sit back and not be the sad pathetic girl I often feel like for there are others in my same place in life. Don’t get me wrong, I love my life as well, but I can certainly empathize when I long for a partner, a child, and all of the “firsts” that you so eloquently wrote about. So thank you for voicing what I have so long not been able to put into words.

  8. Thank you for writing this. As a Christian it’s always difficult watching so many of your friends in relationships and it feels like everything around you is going better for others instead of you. I’ve tried looking at other websites for encouragement, but this is the first one I’ve found with a Christian perspective and it has encouraged me as I’m currently in one of those valley situations. So thank you!

  9. I’m having one of those sad days myself.  I went searching online for alittle solace.  43yrs. old here, 44 next month still single and yes it is sadness thatt I feel.  I have those moments.  I’m having an afternoon of it today and at work , which is most inconvenient.  

    Thank you for your words, it describes what i am feeling perfectly but can’t seem to put into words.

  10. You nailed this! No frills, no excuses, no buts, no bible-thumping. As much as I know, and love, that He ‘gets’ me, there are days when I just want to be held. I’m reading this after being fed up with being ‘alone’. I, too, enjoy being single. Yet, I do hope and pray that it may change someday but have to accept the possibility that it might not. Thank you for writing this as honestly as you did. 

  11. Well there are many of us really Good men out there that really Hate being Single And Alone too, just like many of you women do. It is very hard for us Good men to Connect with a Good woman these days.

  12. I am so thankful to have stumbled across your blog while surfing Pinterest. I really enjoy your writing style and I hope that you know you’re helping a lot of women with your honesty. 

  13. in society there are a LOT of people in the same boat, there are ppl who marry early and DONT get to experience the “FIRST” of anything.There are married ppl who dont know the first thing about marriage. i once  met a person and ill tell you i was old but it was like i was 14 years old how they made me feel, and we both have gray hair. Youth is ideal for marriage and preferred but dont make an idol out of it. im 40 almost 41 and there are still things i have yet to learn. Hopefully I will with my one day husband

  14. Cheers to that! Thank you for sharing :)

  15. I needed this, Ali. Thanks =) 

  16. This was a timely, compassion-filled, ministering message to this saddened heart (at the moment). Thank you, sister, for writing these words of life and truth. I am not alone and it WILL get better. 

  17. I just wanted to say thank you for sharing this, I can totally relate to the ache and grief you describe. It’s just so nice to have someone else put words on my exact thoughts and feelings, thank you! :)

  18. Good article…pretty much the experience of any single individual (regardless of gender) who remotely entertains the hope of finding someone to love and be loved (I don’t give crap to the advice of loving yourself first as inherently we all do believe and love ourselves no matter how self-deprecation/self-loathing we may tend to exhibit..suicide rates would have got a lot worse if that’s not the case, imho). The girl in the article sure seems very attractive and will definitely find a guy who fits anybody ‘s core expectations (be loved/appreciated, respected, admired in someways and is attractive enough as well). Matter of time if she starts playing the numbers game unless she/anyone has unrealistic expectations (Ex: 6 pack instead of a guy who’s into fitness as a habit, guy who will always earn 100k+ instead of a guy who makes an honest living, happy with the work without platitudes that does no good to the society or himself in the longer run or the family, guy who can speak french and quote all the poets in the world instead of someone who speaks plain freaking english and communicates their feelings well enough etc…you know where I am going here). I think this heart-break is all to do with unrealistic expectations…if you can’t lower the standards then we will have to deal with singledom for life, stop moaning about it and find a cause for life (that’s probably why you are single all along?). That’s the truth I tell to myself…

    Off the topic but wanted to share this…Love takes time to develop and I am just amused by people who decide for themselves that somebody isn’t for them after getting physical…..well, cats/dogs and the rest of animal kingdom does that too but since we are human, let’s categorize that as just being promiscuous. A lot of women tend to do this nowadays and to me, they are just no diff. than those sort of men. To hell with this dating BS!!!

  19. Beautifully expressed! One of God’s greatest blessings to me during this time has been finding the friendship of others who lighten the load. Thank you! 

  20. This article couldn’t have come at a better time. Tonight, I just feel like crying. Right now, I’m spending time with my married cousin and her awesome family. I feel like breaking down and crying, bc at 34, I really wanted to be married now. I know GOD loves me and I love HIM with all my heart, but sometimes the loneliness just hits me so hard, that I can’t explain. If I wanted to settle, I could have, but I refuse, bc I want the man GOD has for me. I’m trying to stay positive, but tonight, it’s so hard. And I try not to jealous, but when I see my cousins and friends in happy relationships and seeing that they share those special moments together, I long for that. Please pray for me and it’s a blessing to know others are going through the same thing.

  21. Well for many of you that have been Blessed with a family, be very Thankful since many of us are still waiting and hoping.

  22. Hi Ali – I know this was an old(er) post but it really touched a nerve and it is also so wonderful and hopeful that you have found such a great guy since writing this. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing such thoughtful words. 

  23. Thank you for expressing the words that I could not. This was a beautiful post of something I am currently going through. This brightened my day!

  24. I needed this post so bad, thank you for posting. 

  25. Hi Ali,

    Thank you for sharing and being so honest.  I was looking for something like this to read. It helps me get my own emotions off my chest simply by reading and agreeing with you. For me, the feelings hit me when I have vacation time. I’m pretty adventurous. There are so many things I want to do, but it feels awkward doing it alone. I remember going to Hawaii on my own. I felt that I would never get to go if I kept waiting for that special someone to go with me, so eventually I went on my own.  It was fun. But it was lonely and it hurt a lot when I was in my hotel room alone, when I noticed couples, and families. My friends are all gone. We don’t keep in touch anymore now that they have kids and moved out of state. Luckily, I have a big family.  I have hobbies, I am social, and I am not afraid to meet strangers. I put myself out there.  Sometimes, I feel like the universe is working against me.  I made a choice to be positive and to not let this beat me, but it does get hard at times.  Holidays hurt the most.  Thank you for sharing with me and for being so honest. It helped a lot reading about your experiences. 

  26. Grief is a good way to describe it. You articulated this so well. I feel sad and angry and despair being 38 and single – chronically single – and childless. I take care of myself, exercise, stay active, eat well, get sleep, live in a beautiful area, surround myself with positive people, volunteer at things that are meaningful to me. And nothing fills the void or the loss. I try to be grateful what I do have, but none of those things are the same or fill me with joy. I go through the motions, but my heart is sad. I really, really resent when people call it “depression” or act like there is help for it when it is my life and how it didn’t go that makes me yearning and alone. I’ve taken those toxic drugs that never did anything for me. I don’t need counseling. It’s not my mind, body, or soul that needs help. I take care of myself in every positive way that I know how. I have friends, I have “plans,” and that’s not the same as a life. I really hate this suffering. I don’t understand why other people are so “blessed” and it was always out of my reach. I really am dreading the holidays and another season of being alone. Again.

  27. I am an older man and have been single all my life. For me I ache when I am so close and yet so far away from how I would like my life to be. When I go somewhere and I see people together enjoying each other, it just seems to make the last part of my life so hard. Crazy thing emotion.

  28. Wow!  Prayers headed your way! Do NOT give up.  You sure helped me .   

    Some of my friends who have only gone thru short burst of being
    Single do not comprehend what it is like.  True, I have passed over some good guys.  Let’s pray for one another that we attract the best guy  for us and we both make an outstanding, happy relationship.  
    Many thanks, Linda

  29. Today was the day I needed to read this. To know I’m not the only one that struggles with this is a relief (although I certainly wish it wasn’t happening!). The days that bring me low are rough, but yep, there is no 5 step solution, if there was I would have tried it already, haha. Thanks for this.

  30. Many of us unfortunately Aren’t Single by choice at all.

  31. Thank you so much for writing this and putting it out there for all (non-single, and single people to read). One of the things that I find very hard about being single is not having someone who you know you can count on to help when you need it. I am recovering from pneumonia. I was in bed for 10 days without a person who I knew would be there to make me soup, pick up cough medicine at the store, buy groceries, take me to a doctor’s appointment, or just hold my hand through this scary illness. Navigating the ship alone is a daunting task, even in the best of times. When one is down, it is both demoralizing and difficult.

  32. Ah, and I hate the response from married and childed friends to my lonely state: “Oh, I wish I could have some time alone!”

    I am sure you do, but we are not comparing my life to yours, we are comparing my life to my hopes. There are fewer of us single people out there than those who are coupled and familied. And when we are together, it is as if it is a secret “bad” thing to talk about the woes of singlehood. As if to admit that there are woes is a admitting to a social disease.

  33. Grief? Yes, for sure. It has been my lifelong dream to be in a loving partnership and have a house bustling with children. I am now approaching menopause and literally grieving the loss of a lifelong dream, children, motherhood. And there are those who say, “Well you can do it on your own with in-vitro fertilization, or adopt.” But, cost aside (because I can not afford it with my single person’s income), I don’t want to do it on my own. That is not the picture. The picture includes a wonderful partner, creating a collaborative family. Being a single mother is still being single.

  34. Well being Alone every single time would do it.

  35. Well as a single good man that is in my early sixties which i had been married once before thinking that it was going to last but unfortunately it never did because of her cheating ways. Most women who cheat will always be such pathetic low life losers altogether since they have broken up many good marriages already and will continue to do so unfortunately. And i was a very good husband to my wife as well which it still wasn’t good enough for her either. Now single and still alone is the hardest part of all especially since i never had children but i did always want them too which makes it even worse for me as well. Most marriages in the old days did last a very long time since it was the very best time to find real love in those days when both men and women were very committed to one another and really made their marriage work as well. Today it is like looking for a needle in a haystack or trying to hit the lottery which for many of us good innocent men that would’ve been married had we been born in a different era back then when the real good old fashioned women were around since they very much made it happen back then. Love did come very easy back then which i can certainly see how very blessed that our family members were since that was the real time for finding love in those days that unfortunately are all gone now.

  36. I love you. Jesus loves you. Everything will be alright. You will get a crown of life. Thank you for being so kind, open hearted and honest. Your post has ministered to many people and I pray the LORD sends you a good husband today. If it’s His will, may the door open wide. God bless you Sister.

    With Love and Compassion,


    If I never meet you in this life, I’ll see you in glory! <3 ❤️

  37. My 32 year old, beautiful, kind, accomplished single daughter sent me this and said “it’s like she wrote my heart!!” I am weeping because I love that you didn’t put a bandaid of solutions on a gaping wound. It is grief. Our middle daughter lost her first (and so far only) baby at birth last year and that is a grief like no other but she said to me the other day “how I feel around people with babies or pregnant is probably exactly how Ash feels around Travis and I. It’s all grief.” So thank you. Beautifully said.

  38. Ali,

    I know this is an older post from more than 3 years ago, but I just wanted to offer my thanks to you for writing this beautiful piece that echoes my own feelings at this point in my life. I’m a 33 year-old man, been told I’m handsome and have a kind soul, in great physical condition (I’m a marathon runner) have a bustling career as a writer and enjoy a full slate of social activities tied to my interests of karaoke, photography and running…and despite all of that great stuff in my life, I have no one special to share that life with. Your paragraphs on both moments and grief completely encapsulated *everything* that I’m feeling at the present time. Though my friends and family are well-intentioned, almost none of them have been single in their 30’s and the place where I’m at now is completely foreign to them…just as their long-term relationships and marriages are to me, I suppose.

    My close friends are now all married and have children (with the exception of 2) , and in the fall, my younger brother will have been married for 7 years already and has 2 children of his own. I’m a 3rd, 5th, 7th or 9th Wheel in a lot of social situations…forever playing the role of “The Best Man”, “The Groomsman”, “The Uncle”, etc. I’ve tried meeting people through shared interests and activities, and every meetup and online dating app known to humankind. I’m doing my best to avoid falling into the trap of comparison, but it’s getting to the point where I’m genuinely dreading family functions and other special occasions, since it means having to dodge or deflect the inevitable questions as to where my significant other is (or isn’t). I’ve had the desire to one day be a husband and father for just about my entire life, and this unfulfilled existence I’m currently living hurts me more deeply than anything I’ve ever experienced. I just don’t know how much longer I can keep this up…

    • Thank you so much for sharing your story!! I feel the pain in your words, I am very familiar with the feeling. The devastation that comes with each year that passes. Just the other day I went walking with a friend and as I listened to her talk about the future and the things that she and her family are planning to do in the next few years, I realized that I used to do that, and now, after so many years of disappointment, I’ve stopped hoping/planning for the coming years. I am at the mercy of time. Like a horrible waiting game, will I ever have a husband or will I have to endure this life as a party of one.

      It’s true, I am trying to live my life to the fullest. A husband won’t define me or my happiness, nor will he solve all my problems but having someone to share life with, someone to witness my life, to endure burdens together, my heart yearns for it. To travel with and share new experiences with, to love and cherish, to parent with, to learn and grow with… such a hole sits in my chest, and expands with each tick of the clock, each flip of the calendar page.

      I completely understand the feeling of beginning to dread family/friend gatherings for the sheer exhaustion and discomfort of having to answer all the questions that will ensue, like a horrible skipping record, person after person. Seeing the look of pity in the eyes of friends and family, as each time we gather together and they ask for updates with such hope and caring only to hear that nothing has changed, a little bit of my heart dying yet again.

      I think the hardest part is that there isn’t anything I can do to make my beloved appear or speed up our meeting. There isn’t a 6 step program that will guarantee if I follow it that I will find my other half. I feel like I’m stumbling around in the dark, trying to feel my way through the pitch black of life.

      It is such comfort to know that I am not the only one. Thank you for that. :)

  39. Exactly what I’m going through and . Tired of doing life alone & trying to deal with this prolonged grief of broken dreams and myth of love you only see others experience. #leftbehind

  40. Today im feeling exactly the same emotions. This article is giving me some hope that it will be fine. It has always been, after bouts of sadness, i go back living my really great single life. I achieve so much everyday but still some days feel so lonely. Thanks for beautifully putting together the emotions we feel on days like these.

    • I find comfort in knowing I’m not the only one grieving <3
      Some days it feels relentless, the empty feeling. Being surrounded by so many people celebrating and cherishing their spouse and children, I feel lost and alone.
      Day after day, rolls into year after year. As each year passes, it feels like my chances shrink more and more.
      Hope feels hard to come by, like the last bit of light vanishing over the horizon as the sun sets.
      Only those of us who have lived this can understand.
      Knowing I'm not the only one, the forgotten, is so comforting. :)
      Thank you!

  41. Yes, this is how it feels. Thank you for understanding. :)

  42. Thank you! I’m newly single and feel miserable, it’s comforting to know I’m not alone

  43. Well when you do have someone to share your life with, which makes you feel a whole lot better than being alone all the time by yourself. Makes sense, especially if you’re very compatible with one another.

  44. Thank you for this post. It was so refreshing to read someone write about the grief, the heartache, and the sadness that is so hard to explain to “happily coupled” friends.

  45. So glad to have run across this post. I actually was married young and had a baby young…now I’m an almost 33 year old single mom and man does it not sting to wonder if I wasted all those years with the wrong guy and that my guy got tired of waiting. I think about it a lot more than is like to admit. Thank you for explaining the grief so perfectly. It’s hard to be told how great you are and how “it will happen when you least expect it” when you’re not so sure it will. I often feel guilty because I know I am loved and wanted…by family and friends…but I want so much more.

  46. Sitting on my couch and reading this with tears in my eyes because it’s all true from top to bottom. While it sometimes helps to know you’re not the only one having this thoughts and feelings, unfortunately it doesn’t take the sadness away. But as you wrote: sometimes all that’s left to do is give in to the sadness and know that this is only today and not forever. Thank you for writing this. Hug from single to single.

  47. My heart aches in all the ways you so fluently discribed. Growing older… and with every loss of an “almost” relationship the grief feels deeper and deeper. It’s good to know I’m not alone.

  48. I know this was from a long time ago, but I just found it on Pinterest. It was what i needed. I feel like there’s no one in my life that understands my heartache, struggles & frustrations. Thank you for sharing ♡

  49. thank you for writing this. i am 51 and have been depressed, anxious, struggled with low self esteem for over 40 years. it seems that for whatever reason…perhaps what i give off to others, or my choices in dating or others not always being straightforward about their true intentions i really have never had a relationship that lasted more than months. thusly, it’s very hard for me to believe at this point i will have one in my life. i have learned out of necessity how to be ok (much of the time) being alone. but probably about the equal amount of time, i feel lonely, like there’s something wrong with me to have not had relationships when i was younger and now. it truly is that chest crushing heartache you talk about. i isolate myself a lot…i have endured a lot of rejections in spite of being an attractive, smart person…and i feel traumatized by those experiences. if i date someone…when it ends, i tend to have a very hard time letting go/accepting it’s over. In the past, because it was usually easy I have initiated another go or two with the same person, bc of familiarity, attraction, etc..even though it ended up the same.
    I am now not doing that, thank goodness…I sure wish I knew how to cope with being alone better and not feel such grief at the way the relationship part of my life has unfolded.
    I grew up in the shadow of the weddings of my 4 elder siblings…even though that was long ago and really only one of the marriages has lasted/been a good marriage, i still hurt a lot regarding not sharing moments, touch and friendship in a romantic sense in any lasting way in my life…

    To all, such as yourself, who deal with these feelings, you are not alone.

  50. Thank you for your article. I am all too familiar with ‘the ache.’ I get it. I have been single most of my life (I’m 49), and relatively happy with that. But sometimes, being single is just HARD. I have my lonely days, when I just wish I could share my day with someone, and hold their hand. There is only so much sharing you can do with friends. I get tired of being upbeat, and I want to not be so strong sometimes. I have spent my whole life being strong. I spent 21 years in the Army, have a combat tour, and have done things most will never do. That doen’t make me better, just different. I can get through the lonely spots, but damn it can be hard at times. I want that one person who is on my side, to laugh and talk and make love with. To just be with. Oh that ache.