10 Things I’ve Learned About Being Single (That I Didn’t Know 10 Years Ago)

10 Things I've Learned About Being Single (That I Didn't Know 10 Years Ago) | gimmesomeoven.com/life

Thought I’d do a little #TBT post today back to 2004.  The year I turned 21.

To set the stage…

I was living in Winfield, Kansas, getting ready to graduate early with a music degree from my little Midwestern college, while working as an accompanist to help pay for school, and traveling with a band on the weekends.  My parents had just bought me a fancy (and heavy) new thing called an “iPod”, which I dialed to play Maroon5 and Switchfoot incessantly.  I knew how to cook a grand total of about 10 things that I learned from allrecipes.com.  I used MSN Messenger and a Razr phone to chat it up with all of my friends.  It was the year of Ron Burgundy and Napoleon Dynamite, my roommates and I were obsessed with all of the “story” shows on TLC, and we bid farewell to our Friends and cried happy tears when Rachel Green “got off the plane”.   A friend had just introduced me to this thing called “The Facebook” at her college.  I had just saved up to buy my first (pink) electric guitar.  And I was very ready to graduate and dive into a new career and meet that husband who I assumed was waiting just around the corner and get going with the life of my dreams.

Oh, and I was single.

And if you would have asked me then, I would never have dreamed — not for a hot second — that I’d still be single 10 years later.

But guess what 21-year-old me?  That’s the way the cookie crumbled.  And it turns out that, after decade of (mostly) singleness, it’s not nearly the sob story that I thought it might be.  In fact, quite the opposite.  Life has turned out to be pretty great, single and all.

But hey, there are always things we wish we would have known “back then”.  So since I’m a sucker for those sort of cheesy posts where people dispense sage advice to their younger selves, I thought I’d offer one today to my single self a decade ago.  Or better, as a reminder to myself (or anyone else) today.  So at age 31, here are my thoughts…

10 Things I’ve Learned About Being Single

1. Friends?  Crucial.

The biggest piece of advice I’d give to anyone who’s single?

Find good friends.

And hold onto them tight.  And love the heck out of them.  And let them love you right back.

Because they will be your absolute backbone while you’re single.  And hopefully, those relationships will last a lifetime through good dates and bad dates and good days and bad days and even potentially through the days when you’re no longer single.  So take the time — and it might take some time — to find good ones.  And invest in them, and really get to know them, and get busy making lots and lots of stellar memories together.  And give lots and lots of thanks for them, because they are the best!

2. Hey, guess what?  Turns out you can

Fix the damn toilet.  Buy a house.  Sell a house.  Travel around the world.  Rock power tools.  Launch a successful business.  Learn to mow a perfectly zig-zagged yard.  Remodel a kitchen.  Learn all about the world.  Assemble furniture like a boss.  Do your taxes.  Move cities.  Raise a puppy.  Grow a garden.  Host epic parties.  Repaint an entire house.  Buy a car.  Drive a car in England.  Light a pilot light.  Kill enormous spiders and trap mice.  Make investments.  Build lifelong friendships.  And everything else that comes from leading a full and meaningful life — while single.

Don’t get me wrong, I was never raised thinking that I couldn’t do any of those things.  But I always just kind of figured that I’d “split” some of the big responsibilities in life with a husband, or that we’d figure them out together.  Instead, I’ve either learned that I can (with the help of YouTube) legitamately do just about anything I set my mind to.  And if I can’t — hey! — that’s when those awesome friends come in to help, which usually makes any task more fun anyway.

3. But with one exception: there’s only so much you can “do” about being single.

I’ll say very clearly that I didn’t know this point when I was 21.  I figured that if I wanted something in life — including finding the guy of my dreams — it was just a matter of doing what I needed to do to make that happen.

Whether that was online dating, or asking people to set me up, or going out on 5 million setups, or praying about it a certain way, or striving to become the perfect “Proverbs 31” type of girl that books were telling me I should be, or whatever else was on the checklist to “do” — you’d better believe I was willing to do it.  But quite obviously, there’s only so much you can do about finding the right person.  And frankly, a lot of that stuff did not feel healthy, did not feel encouraging, and did not authentically feel like “me”.

So follow your gut and don’t let the world convince you that your single status is the result of you not “doing” enough.  Because that’s just ridiculous.  If you’re going to “do” anything, give yourself a break and just relax and work on enjoying and celebrating the single life you’ve been given.

4. There’s something to be said for dating “older men”.

Let’s just say it — guys in their 30s are a totally different kind of “hot” than guys in their 20s.  And I’m pretty positive they just get better with age.

I mean, being established in their careers?  Having a place of their own?  A strong circle of other adult friends?  The ability to travel?  Some legit “life experience”, with lots of stories to share?  Maturity?  And by definite contrast to the guys in college, the ability to pay for an actual date??

Um, yes please.  :)

5. “Settling” is for the birds.

I’ve observed over the years that there seems to be this preoccupation amongst single people and the idea of “settling”.  Sure, there is the annoying (although well-meaning) advice from others that the single person “shouldn’t settle”.  But amongst single people, I’ve heard many people reference fears that they might someday “end up” settling.  Or they might “have to” settle.  Etc. Etc.

First off, you are the one in charge of your life.  No one or no life experience is ever going to force you to settle.

And second, my experience has actually been the opposite.  The longer I’m single, the less I have any desire to settle.  It’s not me being any pickier, and in fact, the list of qualities I’m looking for in a guy has been whittled down over the years.  No, it’s more due to the fact that I just really love my life!  So the idea of settling to be with some guy who wasn’t a great fit — vs. doing living the life I enjoy now — well, it’s just no contest.

So yeah, don’t settle.  But also don’t worry about settling.

6. The financial side of being single isn’t fair, but it’s still empowering.

Statistically, it is simply cheaper to cohabitate.

You get a tax break if you’re married.  Housing is cheaper when split between two people.  Everything inside of that house is cheaper when split between two people, and you’re not having to buy everything on a single salary.  And there is something to be said for having the “backup” of a second income in a relationship if one of you loses your job.  (Or wants to, say, quit a job and take a risk to pursue full-time blogging.)

But hey, there are a lot of financial perks that come from being single too.  Namely, getting to spend your income however you please.  And being able to go out to dinner or to a concert knowing you just have to pay for one ticket.  And the sense of accomplishment that comes from signing that first mortgage check completely on your own.

Maybe someday soon those tax breaks will be evened out.  But until then, I’ll still say that I’m darn proud to be paying those taxes, and my bills, and for plane tickets, and nights out, and cups of coffee each day on my own, thankyouverymuch.  :)

7. Going to a restaurant on your own is overrated.

For some reason, it seems like people always hold up the goal of going to a restaurant, sitting down, ordering, and enjoying a meal completely by yourself as the pinnacle of single empowerment.

Maybe for some people it is.

I find it completely annoying and awkward.  (Unless, of course, I’m in an airport or traveling.)  If I’m at home, I would much rather call up a friend to go out together.  Or stay in and order take-out.  Or cook a meal at home together, my favorite!

8. Be careful what you pray for.

If I had a dollar for all of the prayers I’ve prayed about being single over the years…

Just kidding.  I’m all for praying about being single, and dating, and everything that has to do with relationships.  Actually, I can’t imagine not praying through the ins and outs of my experience of being single over the years, and having the Lord alongside me all the way.  But I will say that I’ve changed how much I pray about it over the years, and what I pray for.

I may devote a whole post to this one some day.  But in short, while this may sound bad, I actually don’t pray specifically about being single that often any more.  I used to pray about it a lot.  Actually, I think it’s safe to say that I used to do what I call “worrying” (or arguably, obsessing) about being single through prayer.  A lot of people around me were doing the same thing, which was encouraged by some of the books we were reading, or sermons we were hearing, or scriptures that were being taken a little out of context to pray about things “without ceasing” or “asking” for things, or praying for that guy wherever he was at the moment, or just trying to become some sort of scriptural woman that I was supposed to be.  It’s easy to do, and I’ve seen many people justify worrying through prayer about all sorts of things in their life.  But you know what, quite simply the more I prayed about being single, the more I thought about it.  And the more it stayed at the forefront of my mind and became a central focus in my life.  And the more frustrated/discouraged/ (fill in the blank)   I’d get about it.  And frankly, it was taking away from appreciating and just living the life that I believe the Lord had given me to live in the moment!  So yeah, at least for me, less is more, and I think the Lord’s totally cool with that.

As far as exactly what to pray for, let’s just say that there are about a zillion different angles to the topic that I used to pray.  But now, I keep it simple.  If anything, I pray for the Lord’s grace and guidance to help me be fully present to my life right now while I’m single, and to live that life well, and with gratitude.  Sure, I still talk with Him through the ups and downs that come with being single, just like I pray through the ups and downs that come with any day.  But I’m less concerned about praying for the future, or who that guy may be, or who I’ll be, or any of the stuff that comes with being a good “wife” or whatnot.  Because the way I see it, the Lord has given me the life I have and has said that it’s “good”.  Yes, right now.  Single and all.  GOOD.  So I’ll be thankful for that, and stick to praying about that too.

9. Being single is not always easy, but you’ll get through it.

It goes without saying that there will be hard days.  Hard break-ups to recover from.  Hard weddings to attend.  Hard holidays to get through.  Hard milestones to celebrate.  Hard moments when you just simply feel alone.

Those hard moments never go away.  But as with any hard moments in life, remember that you will get through them.  And while I wouldn’t say they get easier, they do over time become a little more familiar.  And as you learn more about yourself, you learn how to navigate through them a little bit healthier and a little bit better.  And you learn how to bring other people into those moments when you need them, so that you don’t always have to navigate them on your own.

Because being single does not have to mean being alone.

No way, Jose.  That’s what friends are for.

10. Do NOT waste time “waiting” until you find a spouse to ________

…buy that mixer you really wanted (that might have been on your registry)…go back to grad school…move to a new city…adopt a pet…travel, travel, travel…chase after that promotion…decorate a house…take a huge leap…or whatever else that you want to do.

You’ve got a life to live!

And a good one, at that.  :)

So don’t wait around.  Do all the things!  Go all the places!   Be the person you want to be!

These single years are literally bubbling over with potential and purpose and awesomeness.  So get busy living them fully.  And well.  And with lots of gratitude.

And if you’re doing that, by the way, I’d totally love to hear from you and any advice that YOU might also have to offer to yourself 1, 5, 10, 20, or however many years ago.  Of course, avoiding the 10 things NOT to say to single people though, please.

If you’re interested, here are some other posts I’ve written about being single.

Leave a Comment:





Comments

  1. Chelsea — August 21, 2014 @ 10:55 am (#)

    I’ve been hoping you would do another single post! I love all of these, especially #3.

  2. Hana — August 21, 2014 @ 10:57 am (#)

    You nailed it, girl. Love this post, and thank you for saying it! Think these things all the time.

  3. Amy — August 21, 2014 @ 11:01 am (#)

    “And the sense of accomplishment that comes from signing that first mortgage check completely on your own.”

    One of my goals was to buy a house/townhouse/condo completely on my own before marriage… mind you I didn’t expect to be living in it alone for this length of time… but I digress. Its empowering to do it on your own, knowing you call the shots, and your home is what you make it.

  4. Janelle — August 21, 2014 @ 11:43 am (#)

    Thank you, Ali! This is so encouraging. I totally relate to #8-10. I used to keep a journal written to my future husband, filled with prayers and quotes and thoughts…The problem was, like you said, it kept my mind focused on the fact that I didn’t have a husband. There have been some definite hard times, especially around the holidays last year, where I cried and prayed, but then I moved on. I also agree with DOing – I bought a house almost two years ago at 27. While there are times I wish I wasn’t so tied down to a mortgage – I’d like to travel more or possibly pursue other careers, I’m proud to say I’m a homeowner! #1 also hit me because I’ve realized I don’t have a lot of friends right now, which really does make one feel more alone. I’ve realized how rare good friendships are, and I’ve been praying to make some new friends. The problem is, I live in a little bubble bewteen work, church & home, so I’m going to try to get involved in some other activities (piano lessons? sign language class? kickboxing?). I love your fire and zest for life, and it is refreshing! Have a great day!

  5. Laura (Tutti Dolci) — August 21, 2014 @ 1:59 pm (#)

    Love this Ali! #8 and 10 – yes!!

  6. Sarah — August 21, 2014 @ 2:26 pm (#)

    Love all of this…while my circumstances are slightly different I also find myself in a place in life I would have never expected (or frankly, wanted) 10 years ago. Thanks for the inspiration!

  7. Terri A — August 21, 2014 @ 2:50 pm (#)

    Great insight, as always. With regards to #7, I agree that it’s overrated, but also don’t let being single hold you back from going to a restaurant alone. I go, order everything I want, tip the wait person very well, and enjoy my time.

  8. Liz @ The Lemon Bowl — August 21, 2014 @ 3:37 pm (#)

    You. Are. Good. Love this post.

  9. Sadye — August 21, 2014 @ 3:42 pm (#)

    That it’s far better to be single than to date someone you don’t like. Fortunately, I realized that early on in my dating years, but I wish I’d known it from day one. Would’ve saved me a lot of frustration!

  10. Diana @ frontyardfoodie — August 21, 2014 @ 3:55 pm (#)

    This post is awesome. I’m in a totally different place in life…I got married at twenty and now at nearly twenty eight I am about to have my third kid so I can say with certainty that this list is awesome. Not because I don’t love my life, but because it’s true, I don’t have the ability to do/have all those things that a single woman would. I’d LOVE to travel, make independent decisions and enjoy a night with friends without juggling babysitters and all that.

    It’s interesting the ups and downs of every path of life, but I wouldn’t say any one is better or worse than another, it’s just different.

  11. Chriisy — August 21, 2014 @ 5:19 pm (#)

    For someone who got married at 44, this screamed to me. You are bang on! One thing I learned was to thank God for unanswered prayers. I think back to guys that I soo wanted it to work out with, but am now thankful it didn’t. Another was to enjoy other people’s children. Due to a few reasons I will never have my own babies, but I learned that it’s ok to snuggle with nieces, nephews, god children etc. I’m very lucky and have 2 stepsons who I pray will give us lots of grandchildren. Finally, if you want to go to a movie…GO! That was a hurdle I had to overcome, but once I did, I never looked back.
    Don’t settle, I didn’t and couldn’t be happier.

    PS love your blog

  12. Sonia — August 21, 2014 @ 5:45 pm (#)

    Hi Ali …First allow me to start with saying I LOVE your blog. Your recipes are delish! I pin and make most of them. Today you wrote about being single and word for word it was like you were in my head. I feel exactly the same way about my single life. I’m 37 and have experienced many of the same examples you listed in your post….buying a home, traveling alone, having hard weddings and finding good friends…basically living your life. Thank you for writing it down so that hopefully another single woman whose perspective on her life is low because of her “single status” can be inspired to see her life more positively. Great job!
    Cheers

  13. Barbara — August 21, 2014 @ 5:58 pm (#)

    Love this post!! I’m 32 and happily single. I’ve learned so much about myself in the past 10 years and I wouldn’t change a minute of it! Thank you for posting this!!

  14. Rachel M. — August 21, 2014 @ 6:10 pm (#)

    This post struck a particular chord with me and was very much what I needed right now. I too am at a time where I am finding myself saying, “I didn’t think I’d still be single now” and “is there something wrong with me”? And it’s true, sometimes I feel like I am “waiting” for a husband…waiting to travel, waiting to buy a house, waiting to enjoy a social life, etc.

    Two years ago I was at the point in my career where it had been some time since I’d been on a real vacation and really needed to refresh, reset and take a step back. But vacations, except with family were something I looked forward to doing with a boyfriend/fiance/husband, not ALONE. But I needed the break, so I planned, paid for and went on a cruise all by myself. And people said, “Wow! You came here all by yourself!” And I said, yes! Yes, I did because I didn’t want to “wait” any longer to enjoy my life.

    I’m still looking for Mr. Right and I believe I will find him one day. And there are hard days (friend’s wedding, for example) and there are better days (having the confidence (and ability) to move to a new city for grad school).

    Your post is a good reminder NOT to wait, you only get one shot at this thing called life. There is no time for regrets.

  15. Nikki — August 21, 2014 @ 7:00 pm (#)

    Love this post! I too am happily single but my family is always trying to tell me how much “better” my life will be once I get married. They thought I was crazy when I bought a house last year because that’s something you do “once you’re married”. I’m loving this stage of my life of single hood and wouldn’t trade it. I agree…having some good friends you can turn to is essential though to prevent the spiral into lonely hood.

  16. Beth Anne — August 21, 2014 @ 7:35 pm (#)

    This is a great list! I totally bought a kitchenaid a few years ago and LOVE IT and use it ALL THE TIME!

  17. Amy — August 21, 2014 @ 7:37 pm (#)

    Oh my goodness, #9 (specifically hard milestones) is particular poignant for me at the moment. I have two cousins, both younger and married, that are expecting their first babies in a few months. To say that their announcements hit me hard would be an understatement. As happy as I am for them, I’ve been struggling with a bit of resentment as well as sadness. More accurately, I’ve been having a bit of a pity party the last few days. Thankfully, I know these feelings will pass and I’ll be able to truly celebrate and express my happiness for them.

  18. Stephanie K — August 21, 2014 @ 7:50 pm (#)

    Wonderful post!

  19. Emily — August 21, 2014 @ 10:23 pm (#)

    Ali, I just wanted to tell you how much I’ve LOVED this series. I’ve shared it with a sister and a few friends who have really found inspiration, hope, and peace from your words. As always, you are the best. Wishing you every good thing!

  20. Amanda — August 21, 2014 @ 11:00 pm (#)

    I love these tips! What an important lesson to not wait for someone else to make you happy but to find that within yourself.

  21. Erin | The Law Student's Wife — August 22, 2014 @ 1:03 am (#)

    Ali, I just love you. This post is completely empowering, even for non-single ladies. (That might not have been your intention, but I feel totally pumped up to learn to fix my toilet now, lol.) You are inspiring! Now, burning question: was your Razr pink, because if yes, we are 2004 phone twins!

    • Judith — August 23rd, 2014 @ 5:18 pm

      I don’t know about Ali’s but my Razr was definitely pink. :) I miss that phone!

  22. Melissa @ Bless this Mess — August 22, 2014 @ 10:56 am (#)

    This was perfect… and I’m not even who you are writing too :) I got married at 20 and have 4 kids at 29. Very different, but there’s still so much to be said. I love #2 and it applies to us all! I don’t have to wait around for my husband to fix the toilet, start a business, work with power tools etc, but I think it took me longer to figure out because I did have someone I was waiting on. The DRIVING in England one got me though! That my friend is a real skill :) And I can’t wait to hear you speak in Kansas City in October. You are pretty much the reason I’m flying out. Have a great birthday friend!

  23. Becca — August 22, 2014 @ 12:19 pm (#)

    Love everything about this post. Super down to earth and real. I am 29 (and a half) and can totally relate. I just had drinks with a girlfriend from freshman year in college last night and we were talking about this the whole time. I don’t know about you but I get a lot of pressure from my parents who just “want me to be happy” and its hard to explain to them that I am happy. I have my own house, I love food blogging, I always have a flight booked somewhere, I’m having a lot of career success. And I love you put Friends as #1, because it’s just so true. When you have lots of good friends in your life, you don’t feel lonely.

    Thanks for taking the time to write the post. Always comfort in knowing there’s other people out there going through the same thing :)

  24. Julie @ Girl on the Move — August 22, 2014 @ 12:28 pm (#)

    Another great post on singleness, thank you!

  25. Susan — August 22, 2014 @ 3:31 pm (#)

    Ali, I love what you’ve written here. When I was in my twenties I desperately wanted to be married, and hated it when my younger sister told me I wouldn’t get married until my 30s. Long story short, I had a lot of work to do on myself to be ready for marriage, and when the time was right, I met a great guy (on a world cruise), broke up with the jerk I had been dating, and ended up marrying the guy from the cruise (which I had gone on with my best girlfriend – the jerk didn’t want me go go, but I did anyway…). I was 63 when I got married, and we just passed our 6th anniversary. In the end I was really glad I waited until the right guy came along. I have no regrets. One thing I would point out is that for those who do have a serious desire to get married is that until you accept yourself and your situation, you will never get anywhere that you think you want to go. Marriage does not work unless you are a whole person who marries another whole person. Another person does not complete you. Cannot complete you. What happens when you marry the right person is that the sum of the two of you is greater than either of you alone, and that happens because you complement each other. I’m really glad to read sound advice about being single. Once you accept your single status, it really is not bad.

  26. Dixya @ Food, Pleasure, and Health — August 22, 2014 @ 3:41 pm (#)

    you made some really good points such as financial freedom and awkwardness at eating alone. thank you for another honest awesome post.

  27. Monique @ Ambitious Kitchen — August 23, 2014 @ 1:55 am (#)

    I love reading these because I think at certain times, all of us girls can relate to being single. It’s funny how much independence, confidence and beauty you build when you’re on your own; I think that was my favorite part about being single. I could really pursue my passions first and foremost. It taught me that no matter how much I could be in love with someone, to never let anything hold me back and to stay true to myself. Also, I met my boyfriend while I was on vacation and never thought that I’d see him again since we’d be long distance, but heck sometimes things just work out when you least expect them to. :) Thanks for sharing this with us, Ali! You are doing amazing things and anyone would be lucky to have you. xo

  28. Courtney — August 23, 2014 @ 10:37 pm (#)

    As someone who is now married, after 29 years of being single, let me reiterate the importance of #1, friends! As a newly married woman, then a mom of one and now two, little boys, my friendships have proved to be sooo important. My friends encourage and motivate me, they share wisdom and laughter. Do not neglect your friendships during life transitions!

  29. Colleen — August 23, 2014 @ 11:43 pm (#)

    GREATNESS! I’m 47 and I have definitely gone through the motions. Bad relationships, depression from watching everyone around me get married, being SO happy, having kids, all the milestones that come from being married. But now I truly not only embrace but enjoy being single. There are people that are on marriage two or three, those who are in a horrible marriage where one or both are miserable and now they are the ones that are envious of me. A lot of milestones are out of my reach now yet that’s fine…I’ll just go grab dinner and bask in my contentment alone! :)

  30. Elle — August 24, 2014 @ 2:49 am (#)

    This. This post is just epic in it’s awesomeness. You’ve said so much of what I’m sure many single ladies have thought along this journey. Thank you for writing this and sharing your experience – definitely puts things in perspective!

  31. Jane — August 25, 2014 @ 11:08 pm (#)

    First, I totally love your blog in general, especially your recipes. This particular post, though, really spoke to me. I seriously felt like you were talking to directly to me in my life position. I’m getting ready to turn 30 in a little over a month (which I’m very much dreading and still tell people I’m 25) and have been getting a bit anxious about my single status. Normally I love my single life, though! And it was so encouraging to see there is someone out there in my shoes who totally gets where I’m coming from with that. Thanks Allie!

  32. Danielle — September 1, 2014 @ 7:20 pm (#)

    Thank you for writing these! As a single 34 year old, I feel like we are sharing a brain and it’s very nice to hear someone else with my perspective…instead of hearing that I’m picky or going to end up alone.

  33. Deanna — September 3, 2014 @ 3:13 pm (#)

    Love this post! I am a single 36 year old and I have to say ditto to everything in your post! I tell people that I have basically been married to my career for the past 11 years, and I’m ok with that. I did break up with my career a little bit (i.e. I’m putting in fewer hours at a less demanding position) to squeeze in two pugs, and I haven’t looked back since. Would I like to be married some day? Sure, but only to the right person and i’m willing to wait for that person. Plus, listening to friends that aren’t single deal with their significant other sometimes (ok – always) makes me appreciate my single status even more!!

  34. Lynn — October 8, 2014 @ 5:42 am (#)

    Awesome post. I never imagined I’d be single at 30 (I thought only freaks weren’t). Then I passed 40, which brought a first date a month but no one special. Then on a 3-month break to Paris I casually met 5 guys via match.com, no intentions other than a little company, and I’m now married to one. That said, marriage is DIFFICULT, especially when you’ve both been single forever. I’d bought and decorated a home all by myself, and let me tell you, picking a chandelier alone is infinitely easier than agreeing with someone else. However, I had dates with guys who were clearly intimidated by me seeming not to need them. As someone below said, I just wish I’d learned earlier that trying to force a bad relationship is a bad idea. I’d have moved on much more quickly. Oh, and my last piece of advice: when dining out alone, always choose to eat at the bar! Instant company :)

  35. Angie — October 15, 2014 @ 2:43 pm (#)

    I originally found your blog while debating trying out the Aldi that opened near my house.  I am a full Aldi convert.  Then I found this when I was having a particularly lonely, over 30 and single kind of day. Thanks for helping me save money and giving me a pep talk when I needed it.   

  36. Katie @ A Place to Dwell — November 10, 2014 @ 2:13 pm (#)

    Thank you SO MUCH for this, Ali! I’m 31 and single, too, and I can relate to every single # on your list. Especially #3! I’ve been blogging more and more about singleness myself lately, and I’m really hoping to encourage others who find themselves in the same season to know and trust that God gives purpose and meaning to EVERY season. I’m still hopeful for marriage, and excited about all God has in store, but I’m also so grateful for TODAY and for these years of singleness that He has blessed me with!

  37. Johm — November 12, 2014 @ 9:13 pm (#)

    Ali…  so I stopped by to look at chili recipes… made chili today and thought it could be better… so was just poking around..  and we’ll one thing led to another and I start readin your single and 30 posts…  Ali – youre smart, you can cook, and you’re attractive!  What gives?  We can all use more friends and I’m a hop skip and a jump in Omaha! Email me and I’ll take you out to dinner next time you’re in the area!  We can talk cooking ;)

  38. Donna Marrin — November 13, 2014 @ 9:54 am (#)

    Although I’ve been married for 35 years, I have a 28-year-old daughter who’s single (after a rotten breakup) and she sent me this article to read. I just wanted to comment on what an EXCELLENT article it is, very inspirational to my daughter, and that you are a terrific writer. We need more of your kind of truth and spirit in this world!

  39. Valerie — November 21, 2014 @ 4:07 pm (#)

    This is empowering! Thanks so much! My mother nags as me to find a boyfriend but i also want to tell her i like being single! However there are times I get drowned out by outside voices. This article is a good one to remind myself of the pros (and cons) of being single!

  40. Stephanie — February 7, 2015 @ 12:18 pm (#)

    Thank you for this. 

  41. Angela — April 14, 2015 @ 4:03 pm (#)

    haha, this post is so spot on! It makes me want to write a similar post, but you already said everything I would say! I used to really struggle with being single until I did a lot of these things- moved away, got a career job, started writing a blog without- GASP- having a hot husband and adorable kids to write about, and found myself, my independence, and my strength as a woman, all on my own! :-)
    -Angela, http://www.1stavenuesouth.com

  42. sana — September 6, 2015 @ 7:36 am (#)

    I was at work yesterday and happened to find your blog. I have to say I LOVE it. Especially after reading your posts about being Single. 
    I am turning 28 end of this year, Been single for 4 years ( by choice) and loving every minute of it. Its given me the freedom to go on so many adventures and one coming up in Jan 2016. 
    Its refreshing seeing there are people out there just like me

    lots of love from Kuwait xo

  43. Anon — September 15, 2016 @ 2:27 pm (#)

    Overall, I appreciate your perspective here. But one of the things I’ve come to realize about myself is that I hate traveling alone. I’ve done it, abroad and domestically. And I just hate it. It’s not enjoyable to me. I’d rather stay in my city and hang out with my friends (they can’t travel with me because they all have families). I used to adore traveling, back when I had good friends in my same life situation to go with me. So I feel like I’m missing out on one of the perks of being single; optimistic single people are always talking about how wonderful it is to get to “travel, travel, travel”. But I just really don’t like it any more. In fact, how lonely and unpleasant traveling is for me is one of the downsides of being single; it isn’t one of its perks. Maybe something’s wrong with me, but I just wanted to register that perspective, too.

  44. Sadly Single — November 14, 2016 @ 2:25 pm (#)

    Being Single sucks more than ever when the Holidays come around and you still have No One.

  45. Elizabeth Koestler — February 27, 2017 @ 9:49 pm (#)

    LOVE THIS so much! Thank you for speaking truth! What a wonderful day it was when I let go of my worries and started really enjoying being single and living each day to the fullest! God has given us right here and right now to enjoy and live. Isolation in a season of singleness is a death sentence. I love that you pointed out the IMPORTANCE of a circle of dependable friends. 

  46. Anna — March 1, 2017 @ 2:43 pm (#)

    This is an amazing post about single-ness. And I love that you wrote it while you were still single… !!! It’s so annoying to hear advice from people once they’ve found “the one”– although I’m incredibly happy that you HAVE now found The One, in Barkley. Congratulations, and thank you for this heartfelt and practical post.

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