30 and Single

Single at 30 | gimmesomelife.com

(Taptaptap.  Ahem, is this thing on?)

Hi.  My name is Ali, and I am 30 years old and single.

And call me crazy, but I’ve decided to blog about it.

Single

Now when I say single, let’s be clear — I mean single.  The don’t-have-a-fiancee, don’t-have-a-boyfriend, actually-don’t-even-have-a-cute-crush-right-now-except-for-my-adorable-pup (although I promise I’m not that crazy dog lady), rsvp-for-just-one, set-the-thermostat-however-I-want, no-i’m-not-expecting-anyone, please-don’t-make-me-try-to-catch-the-freaking-bouquet, put-my-hands-UP-for-Beyonce kind of single.

This fact still feels a little surreal since I never would have guessed a decade go — heck, even a few years ago — that I would find myself single at 30.  I have always hoped and wanted to eventually be married.  And frankly I have lived most of my adult life assuming that marriage was inevitably just around the corner.  After all, that’s how it seemed to happen for everyone else, right?

But I blew out 30 candles this past May.  And while I did so genuinely loving my life more than ever, I definitely entered my thirties sans husband and very single.

Adventures In Dating

Don’t get me wrong, though.  I’ve had plenty of times in my life when it wasn’t just MeMyselfAndI (and my dog).

In fact, I think it’s safe to say that over the years I have gone on a somewhat ridiculous number of set ups and and blind dates.  (Ok, that last one’s a total lie – I am an expert Google pre-stalker for “blind” dates.)

I’ve learned the difference between EHarm and Match, filled out awkwardly bright and shiny profiles, and rolled my eyes while “shopping” photo after photo of shirtless, car-boasting, ex-girlfriend-partially-cropped-out, “tired-of-the-bar-scene”, “I-love-a-night-out-but-I-also-love-a-night-in” men.

I’ve dated guys halfway around the country.  I’ve dated a neighbor on my old street.  I’ve dated guys that I wanted to keep seeing again and again, and guys that I was more than happy to never see again.  I’ve dated guys that gave me butterflies in my stomach and made me a better person, and guys that infuriated me and made me feel terrible about myself.  I’ve dated guys that got my hopes up.  And I’ve dated guys that made me want to stop hoping altogether.

But through it all (and maybe because of it all), I honestly came to conclude mid-twenties that I’m simply not much of a “dater”.

(Feel free to now officially label me as “picky”.  It’s ok.)

Since then, for better and worse, I’ve been more selective about dating, which has led to hardly any dating in general.  So I think it’s safe to say that I’ve spent the majority of my twenties with the strange label of being a single.  (Or as the illustrious Bridget Jones would say, a singleton.)

8 Dresses

Meanwhile, I live smack in the heart of the Midwest.  And attended a small Christian college.  So it’s safe to say that wedding bells have been playing this past decade for (seemingly) just about everyone else around me.

A few fun facts:

  • I have sung or played music in literally over 100 weddings (the virtues of being a musician and years spent working in a church)
  • I have bridesmaided in 8 weddings (and absolutely never wore those dresses “again”)
  • I maid of honor-ed for my younger sister when she married her catch-of-a-husband four years ago (who happens to be the talented web designer of this site!)
  • I just officially became the last single girl in my very large extended family when my cousin got married this summer (to a guy who won her heart by writing long-distance handwritten letters, true story)

Navigating all of those weddings while single is another post for another time.  But I will say it has been nothing less than awesome to watch my friends grow to love and marry some wonderful people — especially those of my friends who find their spouses after years and years of waiting.  (Those weddings are now some of my absolute favorite moments of the year – priceless.)

Some of those marriages have gone on to celebrate anniversaries and pregnancies and babies and more.  And some dear friends have found themselves navigating the painful road of divorce.  But my twenties were definitely a decade of lots of new relationships and marriages celebrated, and it has been a wild and mostly wonderful adventure.

Wishin’, and Hopin’, and Thinkin’, and Prayin’…

That said, when you’re not in a relationship most of the time, you have a lot of time to watch others’ relationships.  And think about relationships.  If I’m honest, being single is something I think about — in some way — every day of my life.  It’s kind of hard not to.

Granted, the nature of those thoughts have evolved and changed and I would say improved in the last decade of singleness.  As have the lists, books, prayers, conversations, and conversations, and conversations again that I’ve had about relationships.  Because I will tell you that being single at 18 is very different from being single at 22.  And at 25.  And at 28.  And at 30.  And I have no doubt it will continue to be beyond.

…But Life Is Good.  Like, I-Really-Mean-It-GOOD.

But like most important things in life, I have found a growing paradox to be true about singleness:

I still really hope to be married more than ever — albeit for different reasons than at age 22.  But I genuinely love my life more than ever as it is — including the fact that I’m single, and in many ways, because of the fact that I’m single.

Yes, there have been lots of hard days.  Some of them are painfully, despairingly, bitterly, question-the-core-of-who-you-are hard.  The kind of days that threaten to turn you into that single person you do not want to be.

But I feel incredibly lucky to say that most of the days I have spent single have been exciting, empowering, and wonderfully full.

They have been full of rich experiences and adventures.  They have been full of risks taken and lessons learned.  They have been full of some really amazing jobs and launching a new business from scratch.  They have been full of laughter and smiles and some of the best memories ever.  And they have been full of really, really good friends and people along the way.  And for that, I give some serious thanks.

Because I’m pretty sure the worst thing I could imagine would be meeting the guy of my dreams, and then telling him that I basically spent the last decade moping and waiting around for him.  (Ugh.  Please, please don’t let me ever be that girl.)

So…..

Call me crazy, but I’ve decided to bite the bullet and blog about being single.  I have mixed thoughts about putting this side of my life “out there” on the big, wide, and very-public blogosphere for anyone from complete strangers to my family to former boyfriends to read.  But I made a list of reasons why it seems like a good idea today.  (So, um, please remind me of these tomorrow if I get cold feet and feel like hitting delete!)

7) I rarely see any other bloggers talking about being single.

Ok, maybe this is because I primarily spend my days reading food blogs.  But in my experience meeting (and reading) nearly 200 food bloggers over the past year, about a whopping 3% of them are single.  No exaggeration.  When I go to conferences with hundreds of people, I’m one of the few single ones.  I’ve been on 6 blogging press trips when I am the only single one.

Now amongst my friends and community here in KC, there are lots of super-cool single people I know.  But in a blogosphere full with mom bloggers and wedding bloggers (who I love), I do notice a shortage of bloggers to relate to on this topic.

6) But it needs to be talked about!

I don’t know what I would do without my good friends around me who keep me sane, and have those conversations about being single again and again.  But I’ve also met lots of people over the years whose friends have literally all gotten married, and they’re not really able to process the topic as freely — or at least relate to someone about what it’s like to currently be single anymore.

So if this series can in any way provide a glimpse of encouragement to anyone out there, awesome.  Really awesome.

I was also talking about the series with my Dad, and he reminded me that as a longtime married guy (and as my dad), he would love to get some fresh insights into the the lives of his single friends.  And I know that many other of you cool married folk might be in the same boat.  So if this series can in any way provide that glimpse to all of you dating/engaged/married folks, doubly awesome!

5) Personally, I want to push myself out of my comfort zone.

I can talk about food online all day long.  And I can talk about singleness and dating with my friends for hours.

But talking about singleness online? That’s a new one.

I’ve kept quite a bit of my personal life fairly private on my blog, and really only talk about relationships with trusted friends and family.  But I haven’t been able to get the idea of writing a series about singleness off my mind lately.  And sometimes in life, that seems to be a clue that it should at least be tried.  So ready-set-go!!  I’m hitting publish before I completely talk myself out of this series.  :)

4) I would TOTALLY love to hear from you and have this be a conversation.

Whether you’re married, engaged, dating, divorced, widowed, and/or single.  Young or old.  Girl or guy.  Whomever.

We all have stories to share and lots of experiences on the topic of being single, or knowing people who are single.  And I would love more than anything to hear what everyone has to say so that we can (really!) learn from each other.

3) It’s time someone talked about being single in a way that IS NOT…

…whiny, bitter, depressing, man-hating, defensive, hopeless, rose-colored, or full of terrible Christian cliches or assumptions.  (This, coming from a Christian.)

2) It’s time someone talked about being single in a way that IS…

…empowering, vulnerable, hopeful, respectful, honest, refreshing, straightforward, content, faithful, and REAL.

1) I’m writing this as a single.

Most single people probably won’t tell you this, but sometimes it can be hard when someone who recently just got married, or someone who was single at “some” point in their past, tries to give lots of advice how to live the single life.  I totally respect and validate your experience being single in the past, and know that some of the best advice I’ve received about being single has been from my married friends.  But sometimes it’s just nice to discuss the topic with people who are currently single.

So if nothing else, you can count me as someone talking about this from the “currently single” boat.  I’ll let you know if that changes.  But for now, all of this single talk is coming to you live!  ;)

So Stay Tuned.

So there you have it.  I promise more posts won’t be so all-about-me, but I did want to give a little background on where I’m coming from.

More posts coming soon!  (Including some lists.  I love lists!!!)

I have a handful of ideas on some posts on random topics related to singleness and dating to come.  And I have a handful of friends who are different kinds of single and live it out in different ways that I look forward to having share.  But if you have any requests, please let me know!!  Funny, serious, stories, lists, advice, you name it.   Just leave a comment or you can email me as well.

Ok, massively long post!!!  I promise the next ones will be shorter.

Thanks for reading along!  :)

Single at 30 | gimmesomelife.com

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330 comments on “30 and Single”

  1. HI Ali,

    This is my first time on your site. Its one of those days when I was feeling a bit low with things around me, so this blog came in as a little ray of sunshine:-)Thankyou!
    Although we all know and agree that society should be more open to the idea of being single, I would much rather have them DO something about it, than just talk about it. I would much rather have my folks feel proud of my achievements in daily life, rather than assume those achievemnts happened because I was trying to fill my life with meaning ( since NOT being married and NOT having kids = no meaning in life). In your article ” what not to say to single people”, can you please add quoting from the bible ( read interpreting the bible wrongly!). I am often told ” you are going against nature because you havent yet fulfilled your duties as a woman”. ROFL ( though i didnt really laugh then)
    Another thing people should stop saying is ” People around you will eventually get bored of you and give up trying to advice/hook you up with other guys, after all – everyone gets busy in their own lives”. OMG HOW CRUDE AND THOUGHTLESS IS THAT
    Why dosent anyone see that we are working hard and tryiong to be honest and good and ultimately have a great life too? I tutor kids in math and science and run a swimming coaching camp ( teaching makes me hapy and feel like im contributing to the world in a small way), APART from my regular job , yet I hear ” dont u have better things to do? Why do you waste time on this instead of searching for a guy ”
    SIGH!

    Anyway, this hopefully didnt come across as me venting!:-)I just wanted to point out all the wier stuff people do! Would love to hear your response! Keep up with your great work!
    Thanks again for making my day though your blog!

  2. Just turned 33 and single. You are lucky to have friends whom you can laugh about being single. Once my friends (since high school) got married and became moms they kind of make me feel like I don’t fit in to their conversations and girl that hurts a lot.

  3. Hi Ali,

    Thank you so much for starting this blog. It really is hard to talk about what it feels like to be single with a bunch of people who are married/in relationships. As it happens, I am the last single one in my group of friends and I can really start to notice how in am being left behind, not on purpose of course, but still I feel out of the loop. I have tried everything that works for everyone else, online dating, dating apps, friends of friends, I try to step out of my comfort zone and every time it just ends on disappointment. I have recently just given up all together and finding this blog may help me to just be ok with being single. So thank you for that!
    Claudia

  4. I really enjoy reading your posts. I feel like you are speaking all the words for me on how I feel. I would love to talk to you about this and my feelings about being single as well. I will be 29 in June and even though I have a crush right now, there are still doubts, fears and yet hopes of a bright future. I have been waiting pretty much the same time as you to find my husband or know if he exists. I try hard to not let it be my focus but as you said it kinds of is hard to forget when you leave church all happy but come home to be by yourself. I do enjoy what God has blessed me with so far, I love my family, my friends, that I have my own apartment, a good job, the ability to go to graduate school, and many more amazing things in life I have had the opportunity to experience. But the thing is Married people get to experience all those things as well. Its hard to fight the lies of satan as well, that the reason I am single is because I am not pretty enough, smart enough, or worse that I am not lovable enough that someone would want to spend their life with me and fight through the hard times, that I am not worth fighting for daily. I know those are lies and someday they may be proven wrong. But what if they are not ( another lie from satan). I struggle. I do. Yet I love life and what God has done for me. I can relate to very much. Thank you so much for sharing your heart, it is mine as well.

  5. Great post, It really is how I feel about being single at 34 but is also very encouraging at the same time.

  6. I just turned 32..nasty break up a few months ago and I’m single again. I am absolutely miserable. I gained 20lbs and feel disgusting. I don’t know what to do.

  7. I think i’m a bit late finding this, but I’m happy I did. I too am over 30 and very single. I’m great with it. Of course I’d like to find that someone special, but I’m not withering away in my room somewhere praying he’ll come along. I am however having to deal with extremely rude people (family, friends, and strangers) who think they’re entitled to ask me about my love life and offer advice on how to improve it. *sigh* Always happy to find someone in the same boat. I too will be MoH in my little sister’s wedding next year. He’s also completely fantastic and cool.

  8. I was starting to feel like there was something wrong with me. I am almost 29 and have been single for 6 years. I am shy and don’t have a big group of friends so haven’t had many chances to meet anyone. The ones who are interested I don’t feel the same way no matter how much I try.. A few of those years were spent grieving after the death of my mother and a lot of time trying to look after myself and find my way back to happiness. I would have loved to have someone to cuddle and look after me in those dark times and I do feel a little hard done by not having anyone, I just hope one day soon I will find someone amazing.

    I guess the key is to not lose hope. It’s definitely a hard thing to find a match, someone who ticks most of the boxes and watch all around you coupled up so easily. Frustrating and lonely.

  9. I’m going to be 31 next month and my ring finger is bare. I am happy that most of my days are wonderful and being single is the last thing on my mind. Then there are the days where my 25 year old friends become preachy about me not getting younger and how I’d better hurry up and find someone and did you know all the things that can wrong in an older woman’s pregnancy??? *Cue bulgy bug-eyes and concerned expression*. What is flabbergasting is that ppl still think that their advice(?) or “keen” observation is at all original to me. As if I’ve somehow missed these “facts” of life and need a special lecture. It’s an interesting phenomena to say the least to not feel like anything less than myself but to have friends and family starting to pity me anyway as if my personality is gone and there’s only this one aspect, “singleness” to me. Sadder still is the younger women (often in relationships) that look up to me as in I’m some kind of rebellious, fierce, independent woman. Nope. It’s kind of like Judgement Day when suddenly I have to answer to others why no previous relationship has worked out. The actual reasons are no longer acceptable- I have to examine things to the last detail of what did I do wrong- was I too needy/ not needy enough, too picky, not twenty-five, too Christian, too unchristian etc… The end of a relationship was never a “two person job” but always something to be blamed on the single woman approaching biological redundancy apparently.

  10. Amen sister! I hope you write more posts. Anyone know of any singles support group?

  11. thank you for writing this, I’m glad I’m not alone! I am 27 years old, single for 2 years. Months after a rough break up from my long term bf, my best friend got engaged and my other best friend got married. Don’t get me wrong i love them and they deserves all the happiness in the world, but they both entered the o-no-she-is-single-lets-find-anyone-for-her-to-date-club. I am surrounded by couples/married women who want to help but they look at me with pity eyes, the first thing they ask ” are you seeing anyone, i know someone.” Believe it or not i am content alone, but days like today, I do crave to have that special someone. After so much dating and searching, i think i have decided to let the universe bring Mr right to me.

  12. My experience being in NYC is that most men enjoy their independence and doing what they want whenever. They end up wanting casual relations and then seeing a woman when it’s convenient for them. I started dating in my late 20s and if I knew the guy was going to change personalities overnight, I wouldn’t have had intercourse at all. They went from being the nice guy chasing me to not answering calls and texts. I figured out they just wanted a friends with benefits situation. Online dating is a mess for me because when I get a date, the guy ends up being older, fatter, and shorter than advertised. And they don’t know how to date (wine and dine a girl) or just want to go to my house to chill. One guy decided he wanted to spend the date at Best Buy buying a new battery for his laptop. That’s teenager stuff. Guys are not interested in committment or courting a girl out here. And I don’t get set up by friends or family so I have little options. A lot of good looking guys just like the attention. NYC guys have lots of options.

  13. Thank you for your article!I’m 26 year old single woman on the same boat.

  14. Amazing. This is actually the most inspiring and genuine account of what it’s like to be single in the modern world. Please keep writing, I am obsessed! xo

  15. I feel like you read my mind! I’m 28, and I’ve never had a boyfriend, never been on a real date. I have at least kissed two boys…one of whom I say myself marrying, and was forced to “mourn” the ending of that dream when I realized he was nothing but a player (although he kept his distance from me out of respect, as he did not want to use me like he used the other girls). I honestly hate being single. I was ok with it at 18 or even 22, although even then, I got really jealous and uneasy when other girls would talk about what their boyfriends got them for Valentine’s day. But now at 28, I see more and more of my friends getting married and having kids. I’m now officially the only one out of my extended family who has never been married. And my fear is that I’m going to grow old and die alone. So it’s nice to know that there are other girls out there who share the same worries!

  16. Hi Ali! I really love your blog!! Thank you for being brave and courageous enough to speak on this topic, opposed to the many sites and people out there making us feel guilty or even bad for being single at 30! HAHA! I’m not 30 yet, but will be this September, and I totally understand. I love your comment about loving your life NOW AS IS!! That definitely motivates me and reinforces the idea that I HAVE to be happy alone first, because your absolutely right, …”the worst thing I could do would be meeting the guy of my dreams, and then telling him that I basically spent the last decade moping and waiting around for him”.

  17. Hi all. Just weighing in as my 30th approaches. Never felt that I was a pariah until I moved from New York back to ireland recently. Not a day goes by when I’m not now fully aware of my single status. Friends family you name it, no one thinks twice about asking whether you have a significant other YET! No one wants to bitch about their mortgages and marriage woes in case it upsets me here whereas in New York it was a testament to who I was that I hadn’t settled for something less than I wanted or deserved. I really was very content until a few months ago. A summer of weddings beckons and it’s becoming increasingly normal not to get a plus one. Has anyone else got an opinion on this? For an impending wedding I’ve even been asked to share a room with an old roommate of mine because his fiancé cannot make it. I mean not only am I going to get an invite without a plus one but sharing a room with an old friend???? It just makes bad like really bad about myself. Re: plus ones- I know it’s not always going to be straightforward. I’ve read blogs pertaining to the pros and cons from the brides perspective. Most are heavily influenced by brides trying to justify reasons for not adding a plus one but the reasons for the most part are just plain insensitive. Like for example “not wanting to entertain your friends current squeeze”. A terrible attitude I think.

  18. I really love the fact tht sumone other than me is tlkng about this. I’m 28 and hav been single a lot since I was 25 . I am still single. I find that a lot of guys just aren’t my type and the good ones are taken or married. Is there any hope ? I am very picky I think when it comes to men because most guys my age are immature and don’t want a relationship, label or marriage. Single us ok because I’ve learned a lot about life and myself . However, I have a dear if being alone fir the rest of my life. I would love to have a companion some day. I do strongly believe that er all deserve happiness, companionship, and love. If God did intend for all to have a partner, mayb there is hope.

  19. This is a really interesting blog. I’m in my 30’s & still single. I actually enjoy being single when I’m in my own world, doing the things that I enjoy. It’s when I’m surrounded by family & friends who are either going to get married or are already married that being single feels like a negative thing. Almost if they see being single an illness or that I’m a jerk (& a failure) for not wanting to contribute to the planet’s population or allowing my parents to be grandparents. They don’t even encourage me to stay positive or date which has already created doubts in my mind that I’m going to end up alone for the rest of my life. It even makes me feel that they don’t even want to associate with me because of those reasons. I, of course do everything that I can to defeat these negative struggles in my mind & that if I do date or end up in a relationship or find a wife, it’s because I walked my own path & not because I will ever conform to their whims. I look forward to reading more of your blog.

  20. I love this post. I’m going to be 31 and it really hasn’t hit me. The questions you ask yourself are: will I be single forever? Is there anyone out there for me? If so, where and when will I meet them. I must say that with my busy schedule I don’t have time to dwell, but when it comes up I do feel sone type of way. I love being independent and able to pay all my bills. I think it may be more of an issue for everyone else than myself. Don’t get me wrong, I’m ready, but I’m not obsessed. Love this blog!!!

  21. I was so happy to find this post! I am 30 and recently single. All of my friends have been married for at least a few years. It’s hard to think of ways to meet new people when I have had the same group of friends for years and I’m the 11th wheel. It’s only in my group of friends and family I feel like I will be single forever. I know that’s not true, but with no potential in sight, it’s hard not to feel that way at times. I try to stay positive though! Now that I am 30, I have more of an idea of what I want and what I don’t want in a partner from all my experiences. Now you can be more picky! Like you said, coming out of your comfort zone is most important. That’s when great things happen. I’ve learned that life is never going to be what you thought, and that’s ok. I thought my last boyfriend was the “one.” But it didn’t work out that way. Now I need to change what I thought into accepting what is. I love how independent and free I am compared to some of my friends. And sometimes I even hear them say they wish they were single. The grass is always greener right? Like everyone has been telling me, enjoy this time by yourself because it won’t be forever!

  22. Fun and well done! I’m turning 30 next spring and so looking forward to all that lies ahead for this still single chick! I LOVE traveling and meeting new people – have seen most of my friends get married. I’ve also gotten to the point where I am genuinely happy for them but also really thankful and happy it’s not me at the same time. I’m still ready to explore and learn and try new things. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and celebrating the awesomeness of singleness! It’s refreshing to read :D

  23. Really love this post. I celebrated my 3 decades of existence in this world and just recently became single. I had(still have, a little)mixed emotions about being 30 and single. At times I feel happy, relieved and scared at the same time. But one thing I’ve realised is that coming to this age, I never really took time to really get to know me and accept the person God has created in me(well, still embarking on that journey). It’s very rare where you’ll get a post where a person talks about being single, without being angry at whoever for being in that situation. Being here suddenly I see the importance of having a life than waiting for my “night shining armour”, so to say. In short I would like to say thanks for writing this, and looking forward to hearing from you embarking on the journey of singleness and especially as a Christian. It’s really going to be interesting. So keep them coming girlfriend!!!!

  24. I read your blog and I honestly got excited…. Because
    I was reading…. I was saying I can’t believe there is
    Someone that has gone thru the same as me….
    Even I have the same thought being single at 30 is not
    The same. I get frustrated when people at 20 want to compare
    That with me…. It’s totally different… Oh well it was nice reading your
    Blog ….. I wish I could have the courage to make one

  25. Pingback: 30+ and Single | stories of a pinay gypsie

  26. Stumbled across your blog and LOVE it!! It resonated with me as I find myself, too, navigating the last year of my twenties and find myself in the same boat as you and followers. Your writing style is authentic and engaging, often speaking what many of us are thinking. Your positivity and outlook are contagious! Thank you for your insight! I look forward to reading more.

  27. Loved reading your post! As a 27 year old guy who has been in relationships throughout his late teens and early twenty’s, the thought of being single can be scary. It’s safe to say I’ve gained knowledge about relationships but not about me as an individual. The truth is, I don’t know how to be single. Being single alone is outside my “comfort zone.” For a long-time now, I’ve felt as though something is missing from my life. I can only hope this new journey will enlighten me. Thanks for writing this blog….you’ve started something great. I hope you continue writing!

  28. Thank you so much for posting. You are such an inspiration for speaking out about being single, and as the 238 thoughts below me prove, it is very much appreciated.
    Although I am quite a bit younger than you.. sometimes it’s hard to plan my life out without a man in my future. Looking up to a woman as wonderful as you, proves that whether I meet someone or not, it is going to be OKAY.
    Thanks again. You rock.

  29. I am a 27 year old single girl and lately I had these negative thoughts of being single at this age because I used to think that I would find love my life by this age and wont be single, seeing my almost all friends engaged make me feel more negative about myself and used to question myself was I wrong somewhere and loose someone who could have been love my life and missed that chance
    But now I feel good after reading your post and yes there is no wrong in being single, if I am picky that’s not wrong, if I have some choices there is nothing wrong in it. Your post gives me more courage now to live my life in my coming days happily.. love you and your post

  30. Thank you for this series! I can def relate. Turning 30 this fall, Christian, from Midwest, ballet dancer and not to mention a marriage and family therapist rockin the solo life. Keep the posts coming!

  31. I look forward to future posts. I am 27 single and going to university in south Carolina. While reading your post I found myself saying me too a lot. Can’t wait for your next post

  32. I’ll marry you. :)

  33. Hi Ali,
    I am single and 2 months short of turning 30, which is quite a scary situation in a country like India. its a taboo for a girl to be unmarried beyond 25 years of age. I was looking for inspiration and encouragement and that’s when I stumbled upon your blog..
    Loved reading it and hope to see more of your post on this topic.

  34. Look forward to hearing more. I started blogging at 27. Was still single at 29 and loved my life. The only thing that annoyed me was when guys would say ‘Why are you single?’ or ‘I can’t believe you’re single’. Or if I told family I wanted to change jobs and they’d say maybe you can get married…
    Sometimes the reason you’re single is you haven’t met the right person. Duh!I turned 30 in Jan and am now in an awesome relationship thanks to my single years learning what I love and recognising what kind of person I want to love.

  35. I’ll be 30 in a week, and I LOVE being single! I just feel so peaceful and content and HAPPY! :)

  36. I’ll be 30 in a week, and I LOVE being single! I just feel so peaceful and content and HAPPY! :)

  37. I know it’s hard understand when someone says “it’s okay to be alone at some point”. We all need someone to take care of us, someone that will show what love really means; however, love can wait and love will find you when you are ready enough to face the challenges in life of having a family. There’s always the right person for you, maybe he’s just lurking around waiting to be found by you. Just never get tired of waiting. I would like to share this story, how this man found the woman of his dreams. Check this one out: http://www.allonkhakshouri.com/personal/never-single-again/

  38. Love your post. Every weekend is a new adventure for me. People ask what’s your plans for the weekend, and there literally finalized hours before leaving on a road trip to a new area to explore. I’m 31 now and have never been the type of guy to hit on women, I guess I just wait for them. The whole online thing I tried once for a few dates that didn’t work out. For now I concentrate on my career and staying in shape I guess and oh yeh traveling every weekend. Best of luck to you! Have been contemplating moving to a larger city (in a small town in montana now) for a better selection, but the mountains are tough to give up. I’ve also been in several weddings and they always make me tear up and think when, when will I find my match? I guess just trust in the Lord and believe everything happens for a reason.

  39. thank you im single im 31 and im kinda cute but people treat me like a leper….now kids no nothing just me and a cat…people tend to think it means theres something wrong with me to still be single at my age. friends with kids treat me rather strangely like im some kind of love sick freak or they say oh poor dear you should meet so and so…your blog is refreshing…..thank you.

  40. Hello! Being 29 and single (turning 30 in less than 2 and a half months) this was very refreshing to read. I realize this blog is over a year old by now, I still found it quite refreshing to read. Most blogs that deal with being single and in your twenties or thirties follow along one of two tracks: First, screw finding someone, be irresponsible and live a party lifestyle and do what you want: Or, follow the musings of my sad, lonely, depressed life as a single.

    It’s refreshing to find a balanced view on the subject. Be content in the here and now, but it’s still okay to want to find someone and reflect on past experiences and learn from them.

    I myself have been single most of my twenties, aside from an engagement that ended very badly, (it was not a healthy relationship) another six month relationship, and a small handful of dates sprinkled in between. Unlike you, until recently that is, I haven’t spent most of my singlehood with the mentality of enjoying there here and now. I, for the longest time, made my happiness dependent on the acceptance of the lady I was infatuated with. at any particular time. My failed engagement, although it was an incredibly painful experience for me, helped me realize that it was better to be single than to end up with the wrong lady. It taught be to be far more wise in who I chose to pursue. And that listening to family and friends is vitally important, because they can sometimes see things about someone that I was blind too.

    As the big 3-0 is currently around the bend, and as many of my friends are already married and some even have children by now… I sometimes feel a little overwhelmed when I browse my Facebook feed. Like maybe I won’t find someone to spend the rest of my life with. It is refreshing to read that I am not alone in that. That I’m not the only 20 to 30 something out there, wondering if God has someone in mind for us or not.

  41. Thanks for your post. I have been single my entire life and I am 31. I have had to go through lots of changes in my life including recovery in alcohol addiction which i am super grateful for:-)  I have had lots of growing up to do and definitely wouldnt have been able to maintain any kind of relationship during that time in my life. I am a follower of  Jesus Christ and have been very blessed in other things but when it comes to being single I am always saying “God remember me????”. There are periods of my life where I want to be in a relationship and other times where I am content being alone. I am going through a period right now where I haven’t been content with being single so what I have done to counteract that is finding ways to serve others and writing out gratitude lists (things I am thankful for :-))  I want to encourage others in this that its just seasons in our life and God has not forgotten you or me(not trying to sound cliche) . Ali I really appreciate your post! Blessings to all you guys :-)

    BTW I am very picky (which has its advantanges and disadvantages) I absolutely love photography, yoga, fashion, food, and running. Love to meet somene with those same interests 

  42. I love you! You are sooo awesome and beautiful in and out! This is the second blog im reading from you and each one just gets better. The other was about how to handle the single status during holidays which lets face it valentines day is just around the corner not to mention New years haha! Thank you again for this inspiring blog that get me feeling oh ya! Im single and I love it! It also nice to know that theres someone out there going through the same thing:) I urge you to keep these going. I will post this in the hopes it’ll help our other single sisters!! HAPPY HO HO HOLIDAYS!!! 

  43. Came across your blog on Pinterest. I searched for funny quotes- Christmas. May sound random but I tend to do that often, perhaps out of boredom? This particular random search probably came to mind b/c  I’m trying to make light of being single yet again for the holidays and turning 30 soon after Christmas. Your ‘single and the holidays’ blog popped up in my search and after reading that I wanted more! It’s definitely a breath of fresh air to finally read about the real struggles but yet encouragement from someone who is experiencing it all too, here and now. 
     
    I also have filled my 20s with experiences and memories that I will forever smile and be grateful for. As the weeks dwindle down till the big 3-0, I’m finding myself to rather want to  just look at the day as my day of birth and not my age. Is that so awful? I’m also the last of my group to be unwed and childless. Yet I’ve been the one out of my group to always want those things. However, I do look back at past relationships and thank God that I’ve waited; I must be picky also and it’s not such a bad thing. 

    A recent instagram post I read, “how are you still single? You’re attractive, a good lover, and  always listening.” “Overqualified!” This has to be the best response ever to give to people when asked that dreadful question of,  Why are you still single? As much as I am optimistic about being 30 and single, I definitely have my days of questioning. I’m so glad to find your blog and look forward to reading more! 

  44. Turning 31 in Feb 2015 and I’m sh*tting myself if I’m honest (sorry, Londoner here). I made a decision 4 months before my 30th birthday that I wasn’t going to enter another year ‘single’. So I have spent the last 14 months actively dating via a number of websites and whilst it’s been kinda fun, it’s also been deeply disappointing. Don’t get it twisted, I have a good life, good friends/family, a very rewarding career etc, but the thought of seeing in my 31st birthday on my own (as I have pretty much every birthday preceeding it), bothers me a lot. Watching all my friends and family settle down and start families whilst I’m still trying to reach some sort of early milestone (i.e. a valentine’s day card, a romantic holiday, meeting parents, an anniversary etc), makes me wonder if my sole purpose in life is to be the “single friend”.
    Seriously, my longest relationship so far has been 6 months and we were barely amicable by the end of it! I’m taking a break from it all now, as I have a serious case of dating fatigue, but I look forward to reading this blog and focussing more on myself from now on. :)

  45. I am so incredibly happy that I clicked on the link to this blog as I’ve just celebrated my 28th birthday yesterday and have been single for the last two and a half years. It literally took me that long to understand that being single has been the catalyst for the most memorable and important times of my life and for that I am thankful. Being one of my last single friends (and the oldest) it’s something I also think about on a daily basis, but it’s nice to know I’m truly not the only one who is out there. Living in New York is difficult while being single (which you wouldn’t think because of the massive amounts of people living here), but it’s hard to find good people- and I’ve been single long enough to know what I now deserve and what I shouldn’t put up with anymore. Thank you for putting this out there for the young people out there who are made to feel like there’s something wrong with them for not being in a relationship!

  46. This is an amazing article and you’re right about singles not blogging how great their lives are and can be. Every moment and then, loneliness creeps in, but it’s conquerable. I enjoy reading this and I’m 26 years old. Thanks for sharing and I’ll read the rest of your series. Keep blogging your awesome stories! 

    -Carl McKever

  47. Thank you SO much for writing this post (along with all the other single posts)!! I live in upstate NY, am turning 30 in July, and I am definitely in the boat of I’m single-while-everyone-else-I-know-is- married/engaged/starting to have babies. I’m so happy for all of them and where they are with their lives, but I’m also really unbelievably happy my life as well. Reading your post (and all your other single posts) was like reading everything I think about being single; and like talking to a close friend! It’s just so nice to read someone talking about being single in a way that doesn’t sound like it’s a problem to be fixed, or the end of the world. It’s so refreshing, so thank you for being so open and honest! 

  48. It doesn’t matter how massive your post is. You’re speaking the truth and REAL emotions based on your experience rather than writing something for the sake of covering the audience. Your posts are awesome. From now on I will be reading your posts whenever I have time. Thank you girl.

  49. Thanks for writing this blog. I am a 29 year old single male with no crushes or current prospects. I am very depressed that all my friends and family are all married and I am not. Reading this blog really helped and I just wanted to say thank you very much!   

  50. Ali,

    I loved your post. You are right. Not a lot has been written on actually living the single life. 

    I am going to be 30 in a couple of months and I have been single for LONG while.

    Everything you wrote, the joys and the pains, the highs and the lows are all true. I have experienced them and continue to experience them.

    My younger sister got married few months ago. It was brutal as I tried to survive the ceremony and the reception.  

    Would you please do a post on surviving social/ family functions as a single person? It is getting increasingly hard to fight off the questions and the pitiful stares. I have almost retired from it all and avoiding get-togethers like a plague. 

    Will you please help/ offer advice/ write about it?

    Love,
    Jasmine